Loveflutter — the Twitter dating app you probably aren’t using because you’re not trying to date either journalists or anime-fan neo-Nazis — just announced a new, exclusive feature. It’s called “Blue,” and it’s available only to people who are verified on Twitter. Since verified Twitter users are vetted by Twitter, Loveflutter is hailing Blue “the safest dating community ever.”
The feature is currently accepting applications and will initially roll out in five cities — New York, San Francisco, Los Angeles, London, and Tokyo — once 1,000 people sign up in each location. It’s free for those first 1,000 founding members, but expect to see monthly fees and pricing tiers in the future. The company will also be offering a concierge service down the road for those times when “you’re too busy to swipe.” [Insert as-yet-unreleased vomit-face emoji here.]
Aside from the obvious snobbery of limiting your dating pool to only verified users, there are a couple of other things that could go south here. First, you’re likely not going to “date celebrities discreetly.” Loveflutter’s promotional imagery shows Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey matching with Taylor Swift. That’s, uh, not going to happen to you. Even if Swift weren’t off stuffed in a suitcase and dating Joe Alwyn, she’s probably not who you’re going to find on Blue. Instead, if you’ve got a verified Twitter and are considering using this silly feature, you’re going to find your peers and co-workers and people you’ve possibly already dated. People who also have verified Twitters and would consider using this silly feature. Seems like as good a time as any for Twitter to hurry up and just verify everybody. In the name of safety. And possibly also sex. Safe sex.