Welcome to August 2017, when Jake Paul — a Viner turned YouTuber turned ex-Disney star you’ve likely never heard of unless you know a teen — has just released this summer’s cringiest diss track. Err, wait. He says it “isn’t a diss track, it’s a message to all the news and hate.” The news and hate, of course, began when Paul’s neighbors complained to local news outlets and authorities that the 20-year-old, and his army of fan visitors, were making their neighborhood a nightmare. After that, the Disney Channel decided to part ways with Paul in the middle of the season of his show, Bizaardvark. Right around then, GQ published a truly perfectly timed interview in which Paul proclaimed that “racism is terrible,” and that Disney Channel, which would later let him go, knew he was the one with “the power.” And so … the diss track. Let’s break it down.
“It ain’t easy, just a kid from a small town. To every news publication tryna take me down, I’m human too. They want me to lose. Want me in a noose. But they ain’t tell the truth.”
Ignoring the fact that this video alternates between Paul roaming a grocery store and driving a sports car, and also trying to fit too many syllables into each line to work within any conventional rhyme scheme, this track is off to a bad start. It is, perhaps, unwise, if you’re a white guy from Ohio, to joke about nooses.
“Where was y’all at when I was on email tryna stop depressed fans from killing themselves.”
Maybe don’t leverage kids who were struggling with suicidal ideation as a reason that the press shouldn’t call you on your shit.
“Where was y’all at when Make-A-Wish hit me, to meet my girl Caylee. Man that shit changed me.”
See above, but instead of suicidal fans, sub in a child with a life-threatening medical condition.
“This is for all of the liars, spreading these rumors like a virus. They don’t really know nothing ‘bout us. They don’t know nothing about us.”
Sung while Paul gestures to KTLA 5’s radio tower — the station that ran the first damning story about Paul ticking off his neighbors — Paul sounds a little bit like another very famous white dude who likes to call the media “liars” when they say unflattering, if true, things about him. Also, the attempted rhyme of liars with virus. Also, Paul referring to himself as an “us.”
“Where was y’all at when Selena [Gomez] left Disney. Didn’t talk shit to her, but now you talk shit to me.”
Hmmmm. It’s almost like Selena Gomez left Disney after completing a successful run on a show that ran for five years and didn’t piss off her neighbors by lighting a giant fire in her empty swimming pool.
“You know that I’m cocky. You know I’m tryna not be. Like I said, I’m sorry.”