You may have heard there’s a viral thing going around this month where people throw cheese at their kids and film it for the internet. Specifically, they throw cheese at their children’s faces. Are you confused? Okay. Here’s a clip carefully selected because the child in it is audibly laughing and looks none the worse for wear. (Though what do I know? I am not a doctor. For all I know, this kid will be lying on a couch in a therapist’s office decades from now processing why he just can’t maintain meaningful relationships when, suddenly, he’ll be overcome by emotion and scream, “The cheese!”)
The cheese thing — calling it a “prank” or “challenge” feels wrong since it’s not really prankish or challenging if you spring something on an unsuspecting baby who looks to you for everything it needs to survive — was started by a dad in Michigan named Charles Amara, Eater reports. He has since taken down his original Facebook video, likely due to flak. Maybe consider following his lead. Or, if you insist on throwing dairy products at your spawn, here’s a very official and definitely legitimate ranking of the best cheeses for the job.
Photo: Maximilian Stock Ltd./Getty Images
Do not throw this at a baby. I don’t care if you bought a tub of it to make some dish and you only needed 2/3 of the tub and it’s been sitting in your fridge teetering on the brink of going bad. Don’t do it. Your kid won’t like it and you will then be responsible for cleaning smeared ricotta off of them. You’ll be responsible. If you’re the kind of person throwing cheese at your baby in the first place, maybe you just won’t bother.
Photo: Basilios/Getty Images
This is not even real cheese. If you throw cream cheese at your baby, you’re just throwing food at a child and not even attempting to participate in the viral zeitgeist. Skip it. Go get yourself a bagel instead. Your child will thank you for it. Get me one too, while you’re out. Everything with cucumber and tomato and a little salt and pepper. Not toasted. Thanks.
Photo: Steve Cohen/Getty Images
A contentious cheese among adult palates, so what makes you think your child, who eats mostly smashed, goopy foods, is going to want to be anywhere near such a funky cheese? Nope. Definitely not. Do not throw this cheese at children. Hell, do not throw this cheese at adults.
Photo: Dorling Kindersley/Getty Images
There’s just too much work involved here. Are you scooping the cheese out of the rind entirely? Are you throwing rind at your baby? Can babies even eat soft cheese like brie or is that dangerous for their developing immune systems and gut?
Photo: Dorling Kindersley/Getty Images
The crumbliness here could be fun. Feta likely won’t stick to your child, which doesn’t give you the satisfaction of a shot of your baby with cheese stuck to her face for the internet to like, share, and repost. On the other hand, easy cleanup. Since you’ll mostly be cleaning the floor and not your squirming child.
Photo: AlasdairJames/Getty Images
Kind of wrong for the spirit of the challenge but still could be a fun twist. Plus, I imagine, if I were a baby, I’d enjoy having a gentle snow of shake cheese — is the jury still out on whether or not it’s made of wood chips? — falling down upon my head.
Photo: Abbie Images/Getty Images
Honestly, cheddar is a boring cheese, but it’ll work fine for these purposes. Just make sure it’s thinly sliced so as to give you that nice thwap sound when it hits your kid’s face and not a thunk sound indicating you may have concussed your child. Plus, it’s not terribly expensive as far as decent tasting cheeses go.
Photo: Burwell Photography/Getty Images
I understand the appeal here. Really, I do. Chances are, if you’re raising little kids, you might have these readily at hand. The orange color — yes, I know they come in white, too — looks good on camera and on skin. And that slimy coating, the one that should remind you, an adult, to eat literally any other cheese, is great for ensuring it sticks to your baby.
Photo: Yevgen Romanenko/Getty Images
Swiss is an inherently funny cheese. It is cheese. But full of holes. Hole cheese! Look at it! It’s so silly looking. This whole thing is silly, so why not use the silliest cheese around? Plus, it seems like the holes might make it easier for your kid to breathe if the cheese lands on their mouth. Or see if it lands on their eyes.
Photo: Juan Monino/Getty Images
After long and careful deliberation and testing (I did no testing, this is a lie) it is clear that a nice, thin slice of Gouda is the winner. Excellent, vibrant color. Good on-face feel. A+ sticky factor. And, as a bonus, it tastes good for when you’re done performatively abusing your child for content and want to eat a snack.
Disclaimer: Intelligencer does not endorse throwing cheese at your baby. Make yourself a nice, melty sandwich instead and call it a day.
They are rigging the election again against Bernie Sanders, just like last time, only even more obviously. They are bringing him out of so important Iowa in order that, as a Senator, he sit through the Impeachment Hoax Trial. Crazy Nancy thereby gives the strong edge to Sleepy…
…Joe Biden, and Bernie is shut out again. Very unfair, but that’s the way the Democrats play the game. Anyway, it’s a lot of fun to watch!
There are no missiles firing, but Iran’s rhetoric toward the U.S. has not cooled
Iran’s supreme leader said President Donald Trump is a “clown” who only pretends to support the Iranian people but will “push a poisonous dagger” into their backs, as he struck a defiant tone in his first Friday sermon in Tehran in eight years.
Ayatollah Ali Khamenei said the mass funerals for Iran’s top general, who was killed in a U.S. airstrike earlier this month, show that the Iranian people support the Islamic Republic despite its recent trials. He said the “cowardly” killing of Soleimani had taken out the most effective commander in the battle against the Islamic State group.
More than 8 in 10 black Americans say they believe Trump is a racist and that he has made racism a bigger problem in the country. Nine in 10 disapprove of his job performance overall.
The pessimism goes well beyond assessments of the president. A 65 percent majority of African Americans say it is a “bad time” to be a black person in America. That view is widely shared by clear majorities of black adults across income, generational and political lines. By contrast, 77 percent of black Americans say it is a “good time” to be a white person, with a wide majority saying white people don’t understand the discrimination faced by black Americans.
Another troubling story about Trump’s Department of Justice
WASHINGTON — Federal prosecutors in Washington are investigating a years-old leak of classified information about a Russian intelligence document, and they appear to be focusing on whether the former F.B.I. director James B. Comey illegally provided details to reporters, according to people familiar with the inquiry.
The case is the second time the Justice Department has investigated leaks potentially involving Mr. Comey, a frequent target of President Trump, who has repeatedly called him a “leaker.” Mr. Trump recently suggested without evidence that Mr. Comey should be prosecuted for “unlawful conduct” and spend years in prison.
The timing of the investigation could raise questions about whether it was motivated at least in part by politics. Prosecutors and F.B.I. agents typically investigate leaks of classified information around the time they appear in the news media, not years later. And the inquiry is the latest politically sensitive matter undertaken by the United States attorney’s office in Washington, which is also conducting an investigation of Mr. Comey’s former deputy, Andrew G. McCabe, that has been plagued by problems.