You might know Sonic and his main pals, Tails and Knuckles, but the Sonic franchise — through dozens of games, TV shows, and comic books — has a sprawling cast of characters. Anthropomorphic animals and robots and aliens come together to form a rich tapestry and never-ending saga. All over the web you can find fan art, and debates and tributes to these characters.
But one fan tribute rises above the rest as the most disconcerting and funniest Sonic tribute I’ve ever seen. Those unlucky enough to know me well will eventually receive a link to this video. Years ago, a YouTube user named Guptill89 uploaded a video extolling the virtues of “the Top 10 Hottest Female Sonic Characters.” The video is something to behold: an enthusiastic, medium-creepy, clumsily written roundup of the extended Sonic universe’s most crushable babes. Every line of it will make you want to shrivel up into a husk and disappear from this reality. I cannot get enough of this video.
“Since Valentine’s Day is around the corner, I’ve been inspired to make a top-ten list of the most beautiful female Sonic characters,” our narrator informs us. How fitting then, that we should revisit this video on Valentine’s Day 2020, when the release of the Sonic the Hedgehog movie lands in theaters.
You can watch the video below. Or, if you’re already familiar, you can skip to the quiz that follows. Can you match the cringeworthy description to the corresponding Sonic character? Good luck!
Which Sonic Character Is This About?
Can you match each description from Guptill89's harrowing, classic "Top 10 Hottest Female Sonic Characters" video to the correct character? Let's find out!
Yes! It's Sonic the Hedgehog!
This was a gimme! How did you get this wrong?
Yes It's Cosmo! From Sonic X!
Get out of here!!! It's obviously Cosmo!
We stan creatures who are the size of an average human mother!
I can't believe you chose a character who is clearly NOT the size of an average human mother.
Why, it's Amy Rose, of course!
ROFLMAO I can't believe it. This character does NOT have three big, smooth arcs of hair sticking out of their forehead.
Yep! She hardly does a thing (except for defeating a god).
No way! Also if you guessed Sonica, I just made that up.
Yes! Can't top that mauve hair!
Two of these answers were obviously fake and the third is a dude. How'd you whiff this one?
Hell yeah, it's Wave!
Wrong! Just incredibly wrong. I'm embarrassed for you.
420 Blaze the Cat it.
Again, process of elimination would've shown you the way here.
And hair, you say???
Please brush up on your cascading quills.
Yes!! We respect anyone who is like a mother to Tails.
Wrong!! This character is not a mother to tails.
Correct! It's Rouge! The face that launched a thousand ships.
Sequestered in the White House and brooding out of public view after his election defeat, rageful and at times delirious in a torrent of private conversations, Trump was, in the telling of one close adviser, like “Mad King George, muttering, ‘I won. I won. I won.’ ”
However cleareyed Trump’s aides may have been about his loss to President-elect Joe Biden, many of them nonetheless indulged their boss and encouraged him to keep fighting with legal appeals. They were “happy to scratch his itch,” this adviser said. “If he thinks he won, it’s like, ‘Shh . . . we won’t tell him.’ ” …
In the days after the election, as Trump scrambled for an escape hatch from reality, the president largely ignored his campaign staff and the professional lawyers who had guided him through the Russia investigation and the impeachment trial, as well as the army of attorneys who stood ready to file legitimate court challenges.
Instead, Trump empowered loyalists who were willing to tell him what he wanted to hear — that he would have won in a landslide had the election not been rigged and stolen — and then to sacrifice their reputations by waging a campaign in courtrooms and in the media to convince the public of that delusion.
You didn’t think Trump would let us have a relaxing holiday weekend, did you?
It is my Great Honor to announce that General Michael T. Flynn has been granted a Full Pardon. Congratulations to @GenFlynn and his wonderful family, I know you will now have a truly fantastic Thanksgiving!
So, to be clear, Trump is currently phoning into a Republican-led hearing at a Wyndham hotel in Gettysburg, Pennsylvania – a state that has certified its results and a Biden victory – to dispute Biden’s election victory.
“This election was lost by the Democrats,” he says.
The “losers & suckers” statement on dead military heroes has been proven to be a total fabrication and lie. IT WAS NEVER MADE! The “anonymous” fabricator, who is a major sleaze, went forward with the lie despite 25 strong witnesses to the contrary. Welcome to the roaring 20’s!
Some bad news for everyone looking forward to a repeat of Giuliani’s “meltdown” last week
President Trump on Wednesday canceled his trip to Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, where he was scheduled to join his personal lawyer Rudy Giuliani for a Republican-led state Senate Majority Policy Committee hearing on alleged election irregularities.
… The cancellation comes after Giuliani was exposed to a second person who tested positive for the coronavirus. It’s unclear if that’s the reason the trip was cancelled.
This is about as close as Mayor de Blasio gets to an apology on schools reopening: “We didn’t have a Plan B and we should have had a Plan B.” He says the city was trying to avert hitting 3 percent threshold. “In retrospect, clearly it would’ve been better” to have a Plan B.
This does not bode well for Biden’s dreams of returning to the days of Senate bipartisanship
Some Republican senators have publicly acknowledged Democrat Joe Biden is the president-elect. Others have moved straight to criticizing his early Cabinet picks, even as President Trump continues to dispute the outcome of the Nov. 3 election.
But Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), three weeks after Election Day, has still not said much of anything at all.
McConnell’s ongoing silence, even as the Trump administration moves to allow Biden to start his transition, leaves a question mark over what could be the most important Washington relationship of the next two years — between an incoming president who promised to tackle the nation’s most pressing concerns and the win-at-all-costs Capitol Hill operator who may well serve as his legislative gatekeeper.
The two men — Senate colleagues for 24 years and sparring partners in several high-stakes negotiations during Biden’s time as vice president — still have not spoken since the election, according to a GOP aide who spoke on the condition of anonymity to talk frankly.
Trump was reportedly dissuaded in recent weeks from striking Iran, but Israel still wants to be prepared
The Israel Defense Forces have in recent weeks been instructed to prepare for the possibility that the U.S. will conduct a military strike against Iran before President Trump leaves office, senior Israeli officials tell me.
… The Israeli government instructed the IDF to undertake the preparations not because of any intelligence or assessment that Trump will order such a strike, but because senior Israeli officials anticipate “a very sensitive period” ahead of Biden’s inauguration on Jan. 20.