Spend any amount of time on social media, and you’ve probably seen an ad for MasterClass. Study science with Bill Nye, or creative writing with Margaret Atwood, or, if those possibilities are not tempting, choose a new course from a particularly famous instructor. On December 9, Hillary Clinton will begin teaching a new MasterClass on “the power of resilience.” To mark the occasion, she read part of what would have been her 2016 acceptance speech in a class excerpt that aired on the Today Show this morning.
“My fellow Americans, today you sent a message to the whole world,” she read. “Our values endure. Our democracy stands strong. And our motto remains: e pluribus unum. Out of many, one.” Our values are garbage fit for the rats, a fact that put Trump in the White House for four long years. Look, my firm conviction that this country is a horror probably bars me from any kind of public office. Nevertheless, I maintain that Clinton’s inability to account for America’s basic nastiness is partly what cost her the presidency. What is she going to do now, teach a MasterClass in losing?
Clinton’s MasterClass isn’t out yet, and I plan on resisting any editorial scheme that would put me through the tortures of seeing it. (Lest anyone think I am too harsh on Clinton here, let me say that I will not sit through any MasterClass taught by any instructor for any sum less than the total of my student loan debt.) So in the absence of further information, I have questions. What is MasterClass, exactly, and how are they bribing celebrities to get involved? Why would Clinton do this? Why is her lecherous husband involved, too? Yes, that’s right, you can also take a class from Bill on the subject of “leadership,” beginning December 16.
There is probably a small constituency for this class. The members live on Twitter, where they will bay for my head the moment they read this headline. That’s fine! Like Hillary, I am resilient. MasterClass, give me a call.