Miami’s Wall Street Bull Is a Crime Against God

Not good. Photo: Courtesy of TradeStation Group

An abomination stalks the Earth. Pity Miami, which has fallen prey to it; brace yourselves, and behold the Bull. Not the Wall Street Bull. Oh, no, that bull is too old, too plain, for the mayor of Miami. In his efforts to make his city the crypto capital of the United States, Francis Suarez has betrayed nature and birthed a horror. Look upon his works, ye mighty, and despair:

On Wednesday, Suarez tried to offer a rational explanation for his crimes against God. “The future of finance is in Miami,” he told the New York Times. “The Miami Bull is a physical representation of our city’s commitment to propelling our position in the world’s financial market, notably in the advancement and adoption of cryptocurrencies.”

An ambitious goal, but has Miami flown too close to the sun? Let us consider the Bull. It has laser eyes and looks as if someone constructed it out of Legos. Very likely it consumes human souls as its main power source. The Bull embodies man’s great hubris, and without radical policy intervention, it will eventually sink beneath the waves with the rest of Miami. Bitcoin mining will send it there sooner rather than later, yet what does banal reality matter to the Bull? The Bull inhabits its own dimension. Shiny and beetlelike, it is a harbinger of disasters yet to befall us. What a time to be alive!

Miami’s Wall Street Bull Is a Crime Against God