Prince Harry Said What? Take the Spare Quiz

Photo: Andrew Aitchison/In Pictures via Getty Images

Even if you did not read Prince Harry’s memoir Spare, you probably know it’s the rare “tell-all” that truly tells all — from how Harry lost his virginity (behind a pub) to the state of his “todger” during his his brother’s wedding (frostbitten). After covering media reports about the book’s biggest revelations, I thought that nothing Harry could say — penis-related or otherwise — could shock me.

I was dead wrong.

While reading Spare I was repeatedly confronted with lines that stopped me cold. Loved ones grew tired of me reading snippets aloud and exclaiming “HOW IS THIS REAL?!” So let’s give them a break and play a little game. Below is a list of things that happen in Spare. You will tell me if you think they are made up, or something an honest-to-God prince wrote in an actual book. Prepare to be astonished — or gobsmacked, as Harry might say.

Harry explains, repeatedly, that he does not like books or reading. But he did enjoy the 150-page book Of Mice and Men because John Steinbeck "kept it tight."
Harry says he has trouble remembering things, but he did have a knack for memorizing long quotes from Ace Ventura and The Lion King in his youth.
Harry says Camilla reminds him of Scar from The Lion King.
Harry recalls that he and his boarding-school friends would smoke marijuana then “giggle ourselves sick” over Family Guy.
Harry says he felt an “inexplicable” bond with Stewie.
Harry remembers locking eyes with a fox while smoking pot at Eton and feeling a “piercing and powerful kinship” more powerful than his connection to his family.
Harry calls Chris Christie fat.
Harry calls Donald Trump a loser.
Harry reveals he’s a huge fan of Friends and he watched every episode in 2013.
Harry says he’s “a Chandler.”
Harry says that after suffering a frostbitten penis at the North Pole, he avoided a repeat injury by using a “bespoke cock cushion” during a trip to the South Pole.
Harry reveals he used to buy all of his casual clothes at the U.K. equivalent of T.J. Maxx.
Harry recalls visiting Graceland and getting confused when people kept talking about "the King."
Harry says Graceland is no palace and judging from the loud furniture and shag carpet, "The King's interior designer must've been on acid."
Harry says he unexpectedly found himself partying in Courteney Cox's house while visiting California in 2016. He got uncomfortable because she played Monica on Friends and he identifies as “a Chandler.”
Harry runs into Will Arnett at Courteney Cox’s house. He never names the actor in the book, referring to him only as “Batman” from The Lego Batman Movie.
While drunk, Harry makes Will Arnett talk to him in his Batman voice.
Harry gets high on mushrooms he found in Courteney Cox’s fridge.
Harry takes shrooms with “Lego Batman.”
While high, Harry sees Courteney Cox’s toilet turn into head with a gaping mouth that says “Aaah.” He continues peeing in it.
Harry also has a conversation with the trash can next to the toilet, which he thinks is a head as well. He “feeds” it a pack of cigarettes.
Harry recalls that after Meghan's first meeting with his grandmother she asks about the queen's "assistant." It was Prince Andrew.
Harry wants to disguise himself so he can attend a Halloween party without attracting media attention, so he borrows his friend Tom Hardy’s Bane costume from The Dark Knight Rises.
Harry says William ordered him to shave off his beard before his wedding to Meghan (he refused).
At Harry’s “stag” party, William and his friends try to hold him down and shave his beard off.
King Charles tells Harry and Meghan that the seals swimming around his castle in Scotland are actually "selkies," or Scottish mermaids. "Pa" encourages them to sing to the selkies because they grant wishes.
Meghan and Harry sing to the seals, only to discover that they probably summoned them "to their blood-soaked deaths" because the Scottish coast is full of killer whales.
When Meghan finds out she’s pregnant Harry thanks both his late mother and the (possible dead) selkies for their good fortune.
At the end of the book Harry visits a psychic. She communicates with Princess Diana.

Prince Harry Said What? Take the Spare Quiz