Bill Clinton Made Rosie O’Donnell CryRosie O’Donnell burst into tears after Bill Clinton called her and apologized for being unfaithful to his wife. The guy who won the marathon said he did so by refraining from sex and eating pasta. Katie Holmes said her marathon run was “hard, but good.” (She also wore a velvet Hermès gown to a Museum of the Moving Image event honoring her husband.) Damien Hirst installed a bunch of dead sheep carcasses in formaldehyde tanks at Lever House. Ousted Citigroup chief Chuck Prince didn’t say hi to Sandy Weill at the Four Seasons. Annie Lennox gave a bunch of fans the finger. Governor Spitzer, Governor Corzine, and Nora Ephron went on a triple date to Cafe Boulud.
Jack Bauer Does Not Heart HuckabeeReading today’s coverage of the Republican straw poll at the Iowa State Fair yesterday, we were struck by the utter ridiculousness of the system: Voters have to pay to vote, campaigns often pick up the tab for their supporters, Mitt Romney spent the most money, and the winner was — would you believe? — Mitt Romney. We were also struck by Mike Huckabee, the formerly fat former Arkansas governor who somehow impressed the political commentariat by coming in a distant second to Romney, with a whopping 2,587 votes. Thing is, we realized, Mike Huckabee can never become president. He’s clearly 24’s traitorous, murderous (and perhaps murdered) President Charles Logan. And that dude’s First Lady is crazy.
For a Joke-Telling Candidate, a Second-Place Finish [NYT]
Scalia Digs TortureSupreme Court justice Antonin Scalia is, not surprisingly, a fan of Jack Bauer’s 24 torture techniques. Mark Green is set to join Al D’Amato and Ed Koch on NY1’s Inside City Hall program. Jeanine Pirro is set to star in a Judge Judy–esque show. Ellen Barkin and Ralph Fiennes have been canoodling. Knicks point guard Stephon Marbury gave $300 to a homeless man. The Olsen twins trekked to Atlantic City for a Bob Dylan concert. The late Kurt Vonnegut has a role in an upcoming DVD. A gay former CBS News producer filed a $10 million discrimination suit against his former employer because he felt the network didn’t want his gay-bashing in St. Maarten to be publicized. Aussie golfer Greg Norman and his ex-wife-to-be have finally come to (undisclosed) terms on how to split up his $500 million fortune. Patti LaBelle didn’t need a mike to wow a Carnegie Hall audience.
Oh, the Absurdity!
Last night’s double-length 24 meant twice the time to finally wind up this season’s plotlines — or twice the chance for ridiculousness. Would they take the responsible route and finally let us know whether Palmer is alive or dead? Whether Logan is alive or dead? Whether Audrey will ever say anything other than “Help me, Jack, please don’t let them do this to me”? How the Russian president turned in like three hours from best buds with crazy Mrs. Logan to the guy ready to start World War III? Alas, the answers there are nope, nope, nope, and nyet. Instead, dirty old Veep Daniels absurdly led the country further down his reckless path of destruction. Over at Vulture, Ben Wasserstein runs the finale through the Absurd-o-Meter.
The ‘24’ Absurd-o-Meter: So Long, Jack Bauer. Until We Meet Again. [Vulture]
in other news
Rupert Goes Green — Except for That Whole Using-Tons-of-Paper Thing
Maybe John Kerry’s right, and environmentalism truly isn’t a partisan issue anymore. How else to explain the latest passenger on the bandwagon, Rupert Murdoch, who has just promised to take his News Corporation carbon-neutral within four years? An ultracheery news item — in the Post, of course — breaks down the massive undertaking into smaller initiatives. For instance, the 20th Century Fox lot will switch to solar-powered golf carts. The 24 crew will use biodiesel-powered generators for outdoor scenes. (That must well complement the show’s commitment to recycling: How many times has Jack gone rogue? CTU been invaded? Vice-president conspired?) Apparently this should go a long way toward negating the 641,150 tons of carbon News Corp. belched out in 2006 alone. But environmentally friendly explosions aside, we can’t help but notice one little problem.
The ‘24’ Absurd-o-Meter Really Needs to Freshen UpOh, 24, how hard you make it to love thee. In this week’s installment of an increasingly horribly ridiculous season, we learn that vice-presidential aide and paramour Lisa Miller is entirely incapable of excusing herself to go to the bathroom, that CTU L.A. is shockingly easy to break into, and that Jack Bauer’s mishpocheh have spent hours hanging around easily invadable CTU for no discernible reason. (All the better to capture you from, my dears?) Come on, Absurd-o- Meter, spell it out for us.
The ‘24’ Absurd-o-Meter: Easier to Get Into Than Lisa Miller’s Pants [Vulture]
The ‘24’ Absurd-O-Meter: Bonus Michelle Dessler EditionWe ran into Reiko Aylesworth, who used to play CTU agent Michelle Dessler on 24, at a party for the new Philip Seymour Hoffman play, Jack Goes Boating, recently. And so we realized we had a perfect opportunity to get some expert insight on our 24 Absurd-o-Meter, which she confessed she hadn’t seen.
Did you ever read a script and just blurt out, “What the hell?!”
Oh, we would do that, probably every other day. There’s a lot of stuff that gets to us, and we say, “Oh, come on.” And it actually doesn’t even air. There were things that they wanted to do with my character …
Oh, like, suicide. Within the course of 24 hours, I become suicidal.
All Jack Bauer’s Pretty Horses
At Thursday’s Men’s Vouge screening of the season premiere of 24, Kiefer Sutherland took time out from dinner to smoke a cigarette on the deck. After offering us his custom-tailored jacket, and then complimenting us on how nice we looked in it, the charming star opened up about Jack Bauer’s highly plausible cell phone and his Kiefer’s, not Jack’s love of horse-riding.
Where can I get Jack Bauer’s cell phone?
It’s pretty good, isn’t it? We try to make it realistic. In a blocking situation, if I need to get from one part of a set to another and the dialogue doesn’t actually fit that situation, I’ll say, “Chloe, hold on. I can’t hear you.” And then I’ll move to that spot. We do try to answer those questions, like does the cell phone always have reception?
What’s the deal with the 24 movie?
We were going to make it in the break this year, but it’s just too much to ask the writers to do. We are going to do it. It’s just a question of when.
Donald and Graydon: Hair Fight!“Without Si Newhouse,” Spy punching bag Donald Trump says, “Graydon Carter would be just another overweight editor with bad hair.” Eliot Spitzer will likely choose one of four people to replace embattled State Comptroller Alan Hevesi: a Latino, a woman, a banker, or a guy who donated a kidney to his daughter. Both Britney Spears’s family and the L.A. Department of Children and Family Services are disturbed by her recent pantyless partying. Did Augusten Burroughs pull a James Frey? The crazy family depicted in Running With Scissors says so. John Mayer made a script suggestion to Kiefer Sutherland regarding 24. Sex blogger Jessica Cutler pulls out of a panel on blogger book deals because she is currently being sued. Pam Anderson and Kid Rock are hosting rival New Year’s Eve parties in Las Vegas. NBC honcho Jeff Zucker and the L.A. Times disagree on whether he’s about to promote someone. A model confused Charles Barkley with Gnarls Barkley. Wyclef Jean visited Haiti again, wants to open a resort there. Terrence Howard is one of the few black guys who support Michael Richards. East Hampton hotspot Star Room is on sale for $4.25 million. “Page Six” was name-checked on Law & Order. Da-dum. Liza Minnelli recently attended a perverted rock musical. Liz Smith really likes Dreamgirls. Cindy Adams really likes Barack Obama.