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  1. party lines
    AARP Winners Hate Retirement The American Association of Retired Persons changed its official name to just AARP in 1999, thereby eliminating that gauche r-word from the middle of its moniker. And it’s a good thing, too, considering how honorees at the AARP Impact Awards luncheon this afternoon reacted when asked how they plan to spend their retirements: Valerie Harper: “Oh, not to retire! I don’t see myself retiring in the near future — I want to be just like Ethel Barrymore, never retiring!” Marlo Thomas: “I’m never going to retire. I love to go to Barbados to water-ski and swim and sit in the sun with a lot of sunscreen on. But I only like that because I work before and after; I couldn’t do it otherwise.” David Hyde Pierce: “My ideal retirement would be to not retire.” Remind us not to hire them as our spokespeople. — Jocelyn Guest