Amy Sedaris Kills Goldfish With Only Her Breath. Allegedly.David Gordon Green’s Snow Angels is a movie all about the relationship between a teenager, his older babysitter, and her family. So, naturally, at the event celebrating the movie last night at MoMA, we asked the cast if they ever had the hots for nanny. “Like, all of them,” Green admitted immediately. “I tried [to hit on them, but] they wouldn’t have me! I was a dirty little kid.” As for his techniques? “Lookin’ up skirts and all that. I tried to [use a makeup mirror to look at her] when she was in the bathroom, and it didn’t work,” Green said. “She got pissed [and] sent me to bed with no supper. And beat me.” Connor Paolo, Gossip Girl’s Eric, is just 17 but remembered having an eye on his Iranian nanny’s young daughter. Amy Sedaris, however, had a view from the opposite side. She was always the babysitter. She remembered with a shudder that awkward ride home with the dads, who inevitably had “booze on their breath,” driving you a distance you could walk. And then! “This one kid once accused me of killing his goldfish. I was leaning over it breathing, and he told his parents I killed it, so they never had me back,” Sedaris griped. “I will never let it go!” Man, we wish Amy Sedaris had been our babysitter. Imagine the insanity. And the cupcakes! —Jocelyn Guest
Related: Amy Sedaris Kills Roaches With Her Bare Hands
Amy Sedaris Kills Roaches With Her Bare HandsLast night, comedian and cupcake maker Amy Sedaris hosted a party for Ikea Home and told New York all about her own domestic life. “I have Pergo floors you can only get at Ikea,” she explained, adding that she didn’t install them herself. “My friend Todd Oldham, who is a designer, put them in. I laid on the couch and smoked pot and was like, ‘That one looks crooked.’” Likewise, she admits, when she got a Weber Grill, she made her brother (humorist David Sedaris) put it together for her. “He put the wheels on backward and literally had a pile of leftover screws. I said, ‘What is that?’ and he said, ‘Well, that’s, you know, the leftover screws they give you,’” the Strangers With Candy star said. “It literally didn’t even roll around.” On household pests, Sedaris is a true expert. “There’s never just a mouse. You have to find the hole! I’m telling you! I had a cheese-ball business in my apartment, and I had a huge mouse problem,” she says. “I have cockroaches too! I kill those with my hand.” No doubt everyone who buys Sedaris’s famous homemade cupcakes will be delighted to hear it. —Jocelyn Guest
gossipmonger
Giuliani Not the Only GOPer Who Knows His Campaign Faces ProblemsSome Republicans think his business and the press will keep Rudy Giuliani from running for president. Robin Williams made friends with a bunch of former enemies in the New York Film Critics Circle. Ron Perelman brought rabbis over to bless a plot of land he purchased on the secluded Harbour Island in the Bahamas; locals, having never seen a rabbi, thought they were terrorists. Dita Von Teese left Marilyn Manson because he was partying too heartily with Lindsay Lohan, Angelina Jolie, and Evan Rachel Wood. Word association with Forbes publisher Steve Forbes: Nancy Pelosi: “Trouble.” Hillary Clinton: “Future Trouble.” Speaking of Pelosi, daughter Alexandra’s latest documentary features a telling interview with outed pastor Ted Haggard. Claire Danes’ new boyfriend, Hugh Dancy, seems to be more interested in boys than in poor Claire. Simon Cowell prefers Kelly Clarkson to Bob Dylan. Britney Spears went out drinking, shacked up with model Isaac Cohen at the W Hotel on Monday. Bill Nighy prefers his matzo-ball soup without matzo balls. Coke-loving, hooker-loving Pat O’Brien is out at The Insider. Amy Sedaris was listening to “Desperado” when she lost her virginity; an 11-year old Tracy Morgan had “Superfreak.” The guy behind the N.J. sale of Whitney Houston memorabilia may not actually own all the stuff he’s selling. Paris Hilton pleaded innocent to her DUI charge from September. Katie Couric is having a 50th birthday party at Tiffany this weekend. Cross-town goalie rivals Henrik Lundqvist and Marty Broedeur avoided each other at Tao. PETA claims that the makers of POM pomegranate juice fund experiments in which the arteries of male bunnies are severed so that researchers can study the effect of the juice on male impotence.
