Ann Coulter’s Subpar Book SalesWonder why you’ve been hearing so much of the conservative firebrand lately? Her latest book has sold less than half the copies her previous bestselling original works did.
A-Rod Will Carve Madonna’s BirdHe’s ditching his own kids to spend Turkey Day with her and hers! Plus, Michael Eisner’s daughter-in-law induced pregnancy to have the child before Thanksgiving … good planning! In the very thankful gossip roundup.
Today in Gossip: Old Gals Go BananasElizabeth Taylor does tequila shots at the Abbey? Liz Smith compares Cindy Adams and Barbara Walters to Lindsay Lohan and Miley Cyrus? Ian McKellen defaces Bibles? Shazam!
Jay-Z ‘Took Rihanna Aside’ to Talk About Rumors of Their AffairRihanna said she used to feel self-conscious about the rumors that she hooked up with Jay-Z, but now just ignores them. Observer prepmaster general David Foxley will now be the person to call to get reservations at the Waverly Inn. Billion-heiress Anna Anisimova slept at her mother’s place on Tuesday, which is a good thing because a 400-pound Venetian chandelier collapsed and fell fifteen feet onto the bed at her own place. Rapper 50 Cent has to pay an undisclosed sum to a Post photographer for knocking him down after he tried to take a photo of him. MSNBC accidentally flashed a graphic of Osama bin Laden as host Chris Matthews was discussing Barack Obama. Robert John Burck, a.k.a. the Naked Cowboy, says he has high-profile investments. DJ AM has invited ex-girlfriend Mandy Moore to hear him spin at Room Service on Friday.
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Ann Coulter Is the Britney Spears of PoliticsEven though we do keep Fox News on all day (no, really), we missed the moment yesterday when Ann Coulter endorsed Hillary Clinton for president. Jezebel.com directed our attention to it. “If you’re looking at substance rather than whether there’s an ‘R’ or ‘D’ after his name, manifestly if he’s our candidate, then Hillary’s going to be our girl,” the Coultergeist explained on Hannity & Colmes. “She’s more conservative than he is, she is going to be stronger than he is on terrorism.” Click above to view the clip. The conservative comedienne went on to say that she would campaign for Hillary if McCain was the Republican nominee. Coulter based her arguments on the fact that McCain is bad for the GOP, and than Hillary “lies less” and “is smarter” than he is. “She isn’t going to be a weak woman” and pull the troops out of Iraq, either, Coulter argued. “I’m a Hillary Girl now!”
We’re just going to say it: Ann Coulter is to political commentary what Britney Spears is to celebrity culture. Remember when Jamie Lynn Spears got pregnant and was the focus of all attention for a couple of days? Britney got upset that she was out of the news for a few days, filled herself up with booze and pills, stole her children for a night, and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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SPLIT!!!!! Ann Coulter and Andrew SteinWhenever a longtime celebrity couple breaks up, it causes us to call into question everything we believe about relationships. When Padma Lakshmi and Salman Rushdie broke up, we felt hurt, and confused. It was the same with Sean and Robin Wright Penn. And then today, we read that Norah Jones and her longtime boyfriend and collaborator, Lee Alexander, split up. If they can’t work it out, we said to ourselves, then what hope is there for the rest of us? In this sort of climate, we wondered what celebrity couple would be next. Please God, we thought, please don’t take Jon Bon Jovi and his high-school sweetheart, Dorothea. But it was even worse. Today, “Page Six” reported the demise of the couple of the century, Ann Coulter and Andrew Stein.
Donny Deutsch: Britney Spears and Ann Coulter Are Sisters in ExistentialismWith the holidays upon us, Donny Deutsch is kind of feeling charitable toward Ann Coulter. At the annual Michael J. Fox Foundation’s “A Groovy Thing Happened on the Way to Cure Parkinson’s” fête at the Sheraton on Saturday, Donny had forgiven Coulter for her “Jews need to be perfected” rant during a recent Big Idea appearance. “What was shocking was that it wasn’t a bit. It was very genuine,” the big D told us. But, he clarified, “I don’t think she’s an anti-Semite.” Huh? “She’s gotten to the point where she’s so detached from her words … it’s the same reason Britney Spears will crash her car again. Because she doesn’t exist until she crashes her car. Ann Coulter doesn’t exist until she says those types of things.” Wow, that’s like a koan for our time: Without Car Crashes, Britney Exists Not. “I think [Coulter] genuinely felt bad afterwards,” Donny continued. “I think she saw me personally offended. It’s like seeing the hate crime in front of you.” Donny even said he’s ready to send Ann a Hanukkah present. “A muzzle!” he suggested. “And a Jewish history lesson.” God bless us, every one. —Justin Ravitz
Earlier: The Internet Finally Thinks of a Response to Ann Coulter
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But Ann Coulter Always Seemed So Nice!Aw, poor Ann Coulter. As if it’s not enough that she’s surrounded by liberal heathens up here in New York, she even gets hassled down at her place in Florida. Today the Smoking Gun has a police report that details the disturbing (yet a kind of hilarious) southern hospitality Coulter received at her place in Palm Beach before she had her address take off the books. First, there was the time she heard someone screaming “Ann Coulter is a big asshole” near her house. Then there was the note, which an earnest cop described in detail:
Coulter showed me the greeting card which was pink and white in color and had the words “Go Fuck Yourself” printed on the face The greeting card was manufactured by Chronicle Books, 2006 Julie Jackson cross-stitch note cards. This card had a pink border with an old-fashioned bronze-colored frame. The inside of the card was written in cursive, in blue ink, most likely with a ball-point pen, you self-aggrandizing, two words not clear, sociopath!! the only things left after a nuclear war are you and cockroaches, stay out of bright lights with no makeup, you are so ugly you could turn a train up a dirt road the envelope had a pink floral appearance to it.
The card wasn’t signed, and so Palm Beach police have apparently been doing their CSI thing and checking fingerprints. Which seems a little pointless, considering that about half of America could have sent it.
Ann Coulter Addresses Space Invaders [Smoking Gun]
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Holy Roller to Hit the Big AppleGuess what everybody? This April, New York is going to get a very important visit! That’s right, the Popemobile is coming! We couldn’t be more excited. We’ve always wanted to see the Popemobile in person. It’s such an honor that the Popemobile is visiting the city during our lifetime; it’s only been here four times before, in history. Apparently, the pope-mobile is going to go down to ground zero and even take part in a giant Mass at Yankee Stadium (last time the pope-mobile was here, it visited Shea — the Popemobile, of course, is a nonpartisan car). During the pope-mobile’s most recent visit to the Big Apple, in 1995, it was carrying Pope John Paul II. This time it will be carrying Pope Benedict XVI. Benedict was last in the city before he was pope, in 1988, when his arrival was met with protests by gay groups because he called their sexuality a “moral disorder” and also by Jews because he thinks that they should become Christian to get “perfected” (well, he said Judaism “finds its fulfillment” in Christianity, but the pope doesn’t go on as many talk shows as Ann Coulter so he can’t be expected to have his rhetoric quite so down pat). Anyway, we can’t wait to go see the Popemobile when it comes. It’s really caught up with the times. We hear it has power steering now!
Benedict Will Bless City With April Visit [NYDN]
When Benedict Last Visited New York [NYT]
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Sticks And Stones May Break SJP’s Bones (Okay, Just Sticks, Even), But Words…Sarah Jessica Parker claims that she wasn’t hurt when Maxim named her the Unsexiest Woman Alive, but we detect a certain amount of defensiveness in her response, which came out in the London Sunday Express. “I believe in the old ‘sticks and stones’ philosophy, so frankly their words don’t come close to hurting,” the Sex and the City star said, but couldn’t help adding: “How many women wouldn’t want to step into the Manolos that are waiting for me in the wardrobe department every morning?” Not many, we bet! But it doesn’t matter. “What they don’t know is that one day I’ll wake up fat,” SJP explained. “But I’ll still be happy, just like I am now.” Hmmm. Two things: One, the idea that you could suddenly wake up obese, having gone to bed a toothpick, is really awesome. (Can we make a ray gun that does that to people? Can we test it out on Ann Coulter?) And two, Sarah Jessica Parker barely gained weight when she had an entire other human inside her. Remember all those skimpy outfits she wore in the dreaded pregnancy season of SatC? She’s too much of a workaholic — there’s no way that lady is ever going to wake up fat. Until, you know, we get our hands on that ray gun.
The Sexiest Put-Down [British Vogue]
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The Internet Finally Thinks of a Comeback for Ann CoulterFor some reason, Ann Coulter’s comment that Jews should be “perfected” has really gotten the Internet going (as opposed to her comments that 9/11 widows are “self-obsessed” and “enjoying” their husbands’ deaths, or that John Edwards is a “faggot,” yadda yadda yadda). Coulter said the quote to Donny Deutsch (a Jew) on his show, The Big Idea, last week. But like you, the Internet sometimes comes up with its best responses several days after a slight is delivered. Like today’s salvo from a hacker, who broke into Coulter’s Website and put up an open letter purporting to be from the ice queen herself. “I’ve been participating in a charade for nearly eleven years, now. Quite frankly, I’m sick of it,” wrote the faux Coulter. “You have all been a part of a sick joke that I began considering shortly after first getting on the air. At first, it was quite interesting to see how people would react when I would use twisted logic and poorly masked bigotry. But eleven years is a long time to be living a fake life, and I can no longer tolerate this falsity.” It was funny because it uncannily said what most people (okay, most people we know) assume has been going on in Coulter’s head all along. Equally harsh was Maxim.com’s effort, the image you can see above. It’s a map of how Coulter herself can be “perfected.” At first we thought it wasn’t as clever (“remove swastika from heiny?”), but then we realized that when Coulter sees the instruction “remove penis or make smaller,” she’s totally going to be mad she didn’t say that about Hillary Clinton first.
Ann Coulter Proclaims Herself a Sick Joke, But Is It All a Sick Joke? [Jezebel]
Perfecting Ann Coulter [Maxim]
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Michelle Malkin Quits O’Reilly After Nasty Three-WayWe guess Michelle Malkin won’t be coming to town to guest-host for Bill O’Reilly anymore. She just quit forever, after a three-way conservative-pundit street fight that has left our minds reeling a little bit. For those weren’t paying attention (we weren’t, until now), what happened was this: Crazy attention whore Geraldo Rivera told the Boston Globe that crazy attention whore Malkin was “the most vile, hateful commentator I’ve ever met It’s good she’s in D.C. and I’m in N.Y. I’d spit on her if I saw her.” Later, when O’Reilly asked him if he wanted to say something about it on the show because, he said, Malkin’s “feelings were hurt.” (Saying this he came across, weirdly, as almost grandfatherly and sane.) Rivera did apologized for his “ungentlemanly” and “ungallant” words — “I never spit!” he said — but couldn’t help qualifying that he disagreed with everything Malkin said and basically indicating that he thought she was an asshole.
Ann Coulter Preys on Andrew SteinMiss Universe Riyo Mori was ushered through security at JFK by flashing her sash in lieu of a real form of I.D. Mick Jagger had lunch with his youngest kid, 8-year-old Lucas, at Nello’s. Rudy Giuliani said that he’d make Joe Torre a member of his cabinet if he’s fired by the Yankees (assuming Giuliani is elected, of course). Former city-council president and lifelong Democrat Andrew Stein made out with Ann Coulter at Soho House. Patricia Yeo left Monkey Bar, the second eatery she’s left in two months, after getting bad reviews. Cameron Diaz and Bradley Cooper ate at Cuba in the West Village. Kyra Sedgwick and Vanessa Redgrave, among others, will help Dems in Albany push for legalized gay marriage tomorrow on National Coming Out Day.
Clinton’s Party Guru Also Likes LadiesBill Clinton buddy Amed Kahn threw a party at Tenjune for Mexican billionaire Carlos Slim’s son that consisted of 30 models and five guys. Greenhouse, New York’s first-ever “green” nightclub, gets an eco-preview tonight in Paris. Tory Burch and Lance Armstrong amicably broke up because they lived too far apart from one another. Sean Penn, John McEnroe, and Lance Armstrong hung out at the Soho House bar. Artist Geoffrey Raymond’s latest Wall Street–inspired work depicts Maria Bartiromo as the Virgin Mary. The New York City Partnership power breakfast caused so much commotion outside the American Express headquarters that many CEOs had to walk a few blocks just to get in. Alex Rodriguez and his wife are expecting another kid.