Scotland Yard Is After Lindsay LohanGreat Scot! Also, Dakota Fanning goes goth, topless photos of Megan Fox get “leaked,” and more events infinitely stranger than anything the mind of man could invent, in our daily gossip roundup.
Let Ashley Olsen Be a Little Girl and Lick Her FingersShe’s getting flack for not washing her hands after the movies, but maybe she likes to lick the butter taste like us! Related: We wish we could’ve soothed the Cuddle Guv’s stage fright. In the I’m-Fried Day gossip roundup.
Tabloids Will Reportedly Pay $12 Million for Pictures of Brangelina TwinsThat’s a whole $8 million more than the couple got for Shiloh! Is it because there’s two of them or because of inflation? Plus: Citigroup’s seven-point plan for saving itself, the Palazzo Chupi triplex goes on sale, and other things that make you go hmmm, in our daily roundup of media, finance, real-estate and law news.
Your Apartment Hunt: Now With Supermodels!Petra Nemcova is trying her hand at selling real estate, and Howard Stern and Jay-Z split over the Democratic presidential candidates. That and more in our daily gossip roundup.
Mary-Kate and Ashley to Become Belles of Lettres
They say everyone has a book in them, and so it comes as no surprise that the Olsen twins have finally decided to put quill to paper and distill the full breadth of their life experience. Influence which will be edited by ‘mocialite Derek Blasberg and published by Penguin’s young-adult-oriented Razorbill imprint in the fall, will take a look at the artists and fashion designers who, according to People, have “inspired the savvy fashionistas over the past decade” — you know, since they were 11 — as well as a compendium of “exclusive” photographs of Ashley and Mary-Kate, along with other materials and interviews from the twins “personal collections.” We’re kind of expecting it will be something like Susan Sontag’s Against Interpretation meets Paris Hilton’s Confessions of an Heiress. We can’t wait for book club!
Olsen Twins Becoming Authors [People]
Related: Ashley Olsen Speaks and She’s a Savvy Fashion Designer [Cut]
New Year’s Resolutions for the Best New YorkersRecently, we were watching John Waters’s 1998 movie Pecker, which starred all kinds of great people like Martha Plimpton and Lily Taylor and Edward Furlong, before he got weird and started getting arrested and dating his manager. Anyway, as in all John Waters movies, there were about five really brilliantly funny parts in it, one of which was a game the characters played called “Shopping for Others,” in which they’d go to the supermarket and sneak things into the shopping carts of fellow shoppers when they weren’t looking. (Like a long phallic gourd in the cart of a mousy single woman or a stack of Depends for a smarmy dude in tight jeans, etc.) Anyway, we got to thinking: How about if, this year, we make New Year’s resolutions for others? We’ve never made New Year’s resolutions ourselves — it’s weird, every year New Year’s Eve rolls around, and we realize we’re still kind of perfect! — but we’ve always felt we were missing out on that great American tradition. Not to mention, frankly, there are people that could use our assistance. So. To celebrate the great New Yorkers who make this blog possible and to help them continue their gloriousness into 2008, we’ve generously ginned up some resolutions for their benefit.
Hilary Swank Put Her Boob on Someone’s HeadKelly Ripa said she’s going to check out occasional Live With Regis and Kelly co-host Damien Fahey’s band tonight at the Cutting Room. Hilary Swank accidentally put her boob on P.S. I Love You co-star Bob Balaban’s head when she hugged him as he was having lunch. Robin
Quivers’s boyfriend, comic Jim Florentine, joked at Caroline’s that he’s not sure why she’s dating him because he’s “a loser.” The Olsen twins, Bob Saget, and John Stamos had a Full House reunion at the Bowery Hotel bar on Wednesday. Michael Jordan, ex-Knick Charles Oakley, and Ahmad Rashad hung out at Buddakan and then Socialista. Black Crowe Chris Robinson got six figures to play a half-hour set for a Wall Street firm at Arena.
PETA Gets Way Too Personal With the Olsen TwinsNow, everyone knows how we love the Olsen family, so it pains our heart to do this, but we really have to recommend that everybody go over to the PETA Website and play their Dress Up the Trollsens game. See, that’s the new nickname they have for Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. You can go on their site and dress “Hairy Kate” and “Trashley,” who begin the game naked, in what we can only assume is the makeup they used during their auditions to be extras in I Am Legend. In their closet, you’ll see items like a “Choked Chinchilla Cap” and a “Mauled Mink Shaw” (the “Dead Doggie Shoulder Bag” and “Kitten-Trimmed Mittens,” we must say, are a stretch, even for PETA). The creepiest part isn’t the bloody clothing, nor is it the fact that both twins have the same naked body-warts that plague Mr. Burns on The Simpsons. It’s that their giant dead eyes follow your cursor as it moves around their bodies and does whatever it wants. They just dully regard you with a silent mix of sneering disdain and mild terror. For anyone who has ever had a fantasy about having sex with either of them, that should just about cure it. Because we’re no Lance Armstrong, but we suspect that in real life, that’s exactly how it goes.
Dress Up The Trollsens [PETA]
Jessica Simpson Has the Same Crummy Friends As the Rest of UsJessica Simpson got totally pissed at Eva Longoria for hanging out with her ex John Mayer at GoldBar. MSNBC pundit Lawrence O’Donnell, who plays a lawyer on Big Love, bashed Mormonism on The McLaughlin Group on Sunday. Richard Belzer says he’s “hurt” his role on Law & Order: SVU has been cut back. PETA has dubbed the Olsen twins the “Trollsen Twins” because of their affinity for fur. Among the items in J.Lo’s gift registry for her twins are a Balmoral enameled black carriage for a $3,495 and a $289 suede play mat.
Lindsay Lohan Gives ‘Page Six’ the Chance to Use a ‘Retail Therapy’ Pun
Lindsay Lohan spent her Thanksgiving shopping in therapy and shopping in New York with her mom and sister, while her boyfriend spent it partying. David Wright bought jewelry for his mom for Christmas. Tory Burch has been dating both Paramount head Brad Grey and Katie Couric’s ex, Tom Werner. Whoopi Goldberg, who supports Bill Richardson for president, slammed John Edwards and Michelle Obama for canceling appearances on The View. Hayne Suthon, the owner of Lucky Cheng’s, has finally made peace with ex-husband Robert Jason. Jerry Seinfeld is planning to stick to stand-up, not movies. Alec Baldwin bought the cast of 30 Rock mozzarella sticks after their show at the Upright Citizens Brigade.
Imaginary Thanksgiving With the Olsen Family!Scene: The Olsen Family Compound, Sherman Oaks, California. The camera pans a table set with linen and crystal and steaming tureens, around which several members of the Olsen family are seated. Their eyes are closed and their heads are bowed in prayer, except for Ashley Olsen, who is sitting on Lance Armstrong’s lap. The Olsens’ mother, Jarnette, begins her holiday prayer.
Jarnette: Let us give thanks today for all of the food in front of us, the roof over our heads, and all of the opportunities given to us.
Lesser Olsens 1 & 2: [In unison.] Thank you, Mary-Kate and Ashley.
in other news
Lance Armstrong Backpedals Over All Our FunIn today’s “Page Six,” Lance Armstrong breaks his silence over his alleged Ashley Olsen romance, and tells the tabloid that “Ashley Olsen and I are strictly friends. We have hung out amongst other friends, and she strikes me as a nice, smart lady.” [Ed. note: Wait, Lance uses the word “amongst”?] The column also says that Lance’s ex, Sheryl Crow, is “hitting back at a Life & Style report about her supposedly being upset over Armstrong’s relationship with Olsen.” So she wasn’t at all hitting back at “Page Six,” who reprinted the Life & Style item yesterday with the headline “JUST TOO YOUNG”? It should be noted that she’s probably also hitting back at Daily Intel, because we linked to the “Page Six” story, too. But that’s because we are completely obsessed with the idea of Lance and Ashley together, and its awkward, lovely, skinny spectacle will still burn in our hearts. At least, until Mary-Kate starts dating Barry Bonds. Which we expect any minute now.
Lance Responds [NYP]
Earlier: Daily Intel’s brief, beautiful coverage of Asstrong
Sheryl Crow Finally Has Something to Say About Ashley and Lance
Sheryl Crow thinks it’s “pathetic” that Lance Armstrong is dating Ashley Olsen. Paris Hilton has been frequenting New York hot spots very late at night (or, rather, early in the morning). Donald Trump Jr. is suing the board members of his West Side condo for kicking him off. Jon Corzine’s ex, 48-year-old Carla Katz, is dating a 32-year-old American soldier and former model. Torch, a new club slated to open tonight, is scrambling to get Tiki Barber and 800 other invitees not to show up because the plumbing isn’t ready. A guy on the subway once told Matthew Broderick that he looked and sounded exactly like Matthew Broderick.
in other news
Ashley Olsen: Best Show-and-Tell EverWhen most kids bring something in for Show-and-Tell, it’s something from their home. A pet, perhaps, or a rock collection. Something that’s in their house and part of their regular life, that other people might not know about. Also, usually it’s small and portable. So it’s no surprise that when it came to 6-year-old little Isabella (daughter of Lance) Armstrong’s turn to do Show-and-Tell, she decided to bring in Ashley Olsen. Radar reports that the little girl toted in daddy’s new special friend. “Celebrities do this all the time,” Radar’s spy explained — and it’s true! Lance himself was once a Show-and-Tell item for his ex-girlfriend Tory Burch’s young son in New York. Now, to be completely fair, according to Radar, the story might not be completely accurate. It may have been Isabella’s twin sister Grace who brought in the former Full House star. (Wait. They’re twins, and the Olsens are twins. Showtime synergy!). Since Radar doesn’t provide much more information, we’ve imagined what little Isabella’s introduction would be like.
Bob Saget Does Not Have a Problem With Lance ArmstrongOutside of Carolines last night, where he was hosting a benefit for scleroderma research, Bob Saget weighed in on the rumors that his former TV daughter, Ashley Olsen, has been dating Lance Armstrong, father of three. How does Saget feel about the huge age and respectability gap between the two? “I like Lance, Lance Armstrong is an amazing guy. Amazing guy!” he said. That’s it? We were hoping for something like, “I hate Lance Armstrong. I should be with Ashley.” What gives, Saget? “I apologize,” he said. He tried again: “You know Tevye and Golde, they were together 25 years! We’re in a society, I don’t think — you can’t really go by people, you know?” Wha? “I’m not giving you want you want,” he said, defeated. “I feel bad about that.”
That’s okay, Bob, how about you tell us a disgusting story about Ashley, Mary-Kate, and a donkey erection instead?
Imaginary Eavesdropping on Lance and Ashley’s DateOkay, so we know it’s totally possible that “Page Six” has been exaggerating the crap out of this Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen relationship. Like, we heard from an eyewitness that they weren’t actually making out at Rose Bar the other night, they were just whispering. But anyway, they were spotted again at Waverly Inn on Tuesday, so maybe there’s something to it. For our own amusement, we tried to imagine the conversation they had over delicious chicken pot pie at the trendy restaurant:
Lance: You know, I’ve been a fan of yours since Full House.
Ashley: Aw, thanks. That’s so sweet. I was so fat then!
Lance: I thought you were adorable. I watch the reruns with my kids. You really pulled off all of those matching baby jumpers! I never dreamed I’d get to actually make out with you.
Ashley: I get that a lot. I really admire what you did with, you know, your ball cancer. You took lemons and made them into lemonade..
Kelly Klein Finally Nabs That BabyGisele Bündchen showed up at the haunted house on Suffolk Street sans costume and cut the line. Hunter S. Thompson’s widow is pissed at Jann Wenner because he portrayed Hunter in his book as an “awful beast of a man” after he left Rolling Stone . Calvin Klein’s ex, Kelly, finally has a daughter, via surrogate mother. David Brooks, a.k.a. the guy who was recently busted for using company cash to fund his daughter’s $10 million bat mitzvah, also used his employees’ pension funds to pay for his son’s bar mitzvah. Hillary Clinton backed out of a Vogue photo shoot being shot by Annie Leibovitz because she felt it would be “too glamorous.” Sting and some buddies went to Scores. Bono and Damien Hirst dined at Lever House. Law & Order’s Richard Belzer had to get his driver to walk his poodle during a screening at Core Club because he wasn’t allowed to bring it in.
Did Aaron Charney Only Get 100K From Sullivan?LAW
• Will Aaron Charney ever have to work again? More than likely — he may not have gotten more than $100,000 in his sexual-harassment settlement with Sullivan & Cromwell. [PrawfsBlawg via Above the Law]
• Should law schools be more like business schools? One law prof thinks so, and he looks a little like Justin Timberlake, so he must be right. [Law Blog/WSJ]
• Do Cravath’s two rounds of bonuses signal Big Law strength and more money for associates, or is the firm just hedging so they aren’t locked in to paying the same amount next year? [NYT]
Ew, Lance Armstrong Is Hooking Up with Ashley Olsen?Lance Armstrong and Ashley Olsen hooked up at Rose Bar and then left at 2 a.m. The Jewish Theater of New York claims that the Times won’t review its plays because the paper is anti-Semitic; the Times says it won’t review its plays because they are bad. Kim Cattrall actually showed up to work before the other SATC cast mates for once. AOL chairman and CEO Randy Falco was roasted by Bob Costas and Brian Williams, among others. Ivana Trump made a kind of funny joke about Harper’s Bazaar editor Glenda Bailey being the devil in Prada at Denise Rich’s Angel Ball. (Diddy also left the ball with model May Anderson.) Michael Jackson went to Brooklyn to shoot a cover for Ebony magazine and was sweet despite prattling on about how much he likes kids.
The Return of Peter Gatien?Deported former Limelight owner Peter Gatien might be coming back to the States because he is part Native American. CBS Evening News executive producer Rick Kaplan orchestrated an office dance-off to boost morale. Jewish boxer Dmitriy “Star of David” Salita, from Brooklyn, had his fight at Cipriani Downtown rescheduled because it fell on the Sabbath. Paris Hilton’s crisis PR guy, Mike Sitrick, is the reason she’s been out of the tabs lately, but friends say she can’t keep up the act. Robin Williams went to an AA meeting in Greenwich. Cuba Gooding Jr. and Isiah Thomas hung out at Socialista.
Insurance-Man BluesWoody Allen once had to drop Winona Ryder and Robert Downey Jr. from a movie because no one would insure them — just like Lindsay Lohan is getting dropped because no one will insure her. 50 Cent claimed that he’ll no longer put out any solo albums if Kanye West’s Graduation outsells his record when they both debut on September 11. In Jay McInerney’s latest book, Evelyn’s is based on now-shuttered West 9th Street speakeasy Marylou’s. Ashley Olsen says that she and sister Mary-Kate have a psychic bond and “carry the weight of each other.” Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld ate together at the Brooklyn Diner. Cheryl Tiegs likes to play hard-to-get with guys.
Scalia Digs TortureSupreme Court justice Antonin Scalia is, not surprisingly, a fan of Jack Bauer’s 24 torture techniques. Mark Green is set to join Al D’Amato and Ed Koch on NY1’s Inside City Hall program. Jeanine Pirro is set to star in a Judge Judy–esque show. Ellen Barkin and Ralph Fiennes have been canoodling. Knicks point guard Stephon Marbury gave $300 to a homeless man. The Olsen twins trekked to Atlantic City for a Bob Dylan concert. The late Kurt Vonnegut has a role in an upcoming DVD. A gay former CBS News producer filed a $10 million discrimination suit against his former employer because he felt the network didn’t want his gay-bashing in St. Maarten to be publicized. Aussie golfer Greg Norman and his ex-wife-to-be have finally come to (undisclosed) terms on how to split up his $500 million fortune. Patti LaBelle didn’t need a mike to wow a Carnegie Hall audience.
Anonygossip Terrifies Hamptons!The society column in The Southampton Press is now anonymously written, and some East Enders are worried. Danielle Steel plans to write a novel based on her ex-husband’s boating incident in France, which left a French doctor dead. Sharon Stone is scheduled to emcee an AIDS benefit at the Dubai International Film Festival, despite the fact that the city has a bad track record on dealing with homosexuals and AIDS victims. Vanessa Minnillo may star in a reality show, though the Lohan knife pictures may be an issue. Peter Beard likes to take Polaroids of topless models. The Olsen twins sold pictures from their 21st-birthday party for $300,000. Paul McCartney performed a surprise show at the HighLine Ballroom with his “almost boy band.” Eli Manning dumped beer on teammate Shaun O’Hara at his 30th-birthday party.
The Dirty PigMario Batali’s Spotted Pig received 34 health-violation points. Robert De Niro ditches Nobu biz partner in a new hotel venture. A Vegas madam claims Bill Clinton and Shaquille O’Neal have used her services. Mary-Kate and Ashley finally turn 21. Nicole Richie might be carrying Joel Madden’s baby. Hulk Hogan is Father of the Year. Kelly Clarkson cancels her summer tour because of low ticket sales.
new york fugging city
The Fug Girls: How to Hire a Celebrity Fashion Designer Desperate to join the ranks of retailers who’ve used celebrities for brand cachet, cheapie clothier Steve + Barry’s has decided to follow up its first attempt Sarah Jessica Parker’s fashion line Bitten by partnering with actress Amanda Bynes. Who? Exactly. Either Steve + Barry only watch Nickelodeon, or the founders just haven’t had a proper lesson in picking the proper celebrity to pimp their wares. Thank God we’re here with some sage advice (after the jump). You’re welcome, boys.
Pissed DaddySean Combs threw a hissy fit when he wasn’t allowed into CAA’s post–Golden Globes party, may have gotten himself banned from Sunset Tower. Lindsay Lohan may have hit the bottle, and then hit rehab, after being rebuffed by James Franco. Paris Hilton’s left eyelid is droopy because she once had surgery to raise her lids, and it’s getting worse because she continues to wear tinted contact lenses. (We can’t believe we just typed that.) British chef Marco Pierre White claims the New York Times once hired a private eye to dig up dirt on him in an unsuccessful attempt to prove he had a booze and drug problem. Hillary Clinton to throw a book party for Chuck Schumer at his favorite Chinese restaurant on Capitol Hill.