Jimmy Kimmel’s ‘I’m F—ing Ben Affleck’ Confirms Our Celebrity Suspicions
You know how you kind of wonder whether celebrities are all friends with one another? Like, do they all go to each other’s houses in Los Angeles and play parlor games on Saturday nights? Has Natalie Portman, for example, ever had to do Benicio Del Toro during the charades portion of Celebrity — which required her to point at her friend Scarlett Johansson sitting on the couch and then do a pantomime of having sex in an elevator? Well, we’ve always imagined life in La La Land to be like that. You know, like everyone has sort of all slept together and given one another weird, unfunny nicknames. And sometimes there are moments in pop culture that confirm our suspicions. This weekend had one of them, and it wasn’t the Oscars. No, the biggest clue that being famous is like being on the indoor-track team in high school was actually Jimmy Kimmel’s brilliant musical debut, “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck.” It was, of course, a follow-up to Sarah Silverman’s “I’m Fucking Matt Damon,” and although the musical caliber is a lot lower, the self-loving celebrity rate is off the charts. Click above to enjoy. It’s like Ocean’s Twelve, but watchable.
in other news
Which Skinny Blonde Will Get the Pretty Apartment?Will Ellen Pompeo steal the Chelsea Club penthouse out from under Cameron Diaz’s undeviated button nose? “Page Six” reports that Pompeo paid a visit to 444 West 19th Street, an apartment that Diaz has visited, a source told New York, numerous times. The 3,418-square-foot four-bedroom, on the tenth and eleventh floors of the building, has six private terraces, “Jajoba hardwood floors,” and floor-to-ceiling windows (which provide, according to the Core Group, which is marketing the building, “blinding light” — apparently that’s a good thing) and costs $5.5 million. Pompeo can afford it — she just got a big raise. But maybe the price is too high for Diaz, who hasn’t appeared in a movie since 2006’s abysmal The Holiday? She was recently spotted looking at a two-bedroom in the Silk Building, a bargain at $1.699 million. To channel Brandon Davis, this must mean she’s practically poor.
Eyes On The Pad [NYP]
Camerondominium Hunt W. Chel. to E. Vill. [NYM]
Chelsea Club [Core Group NYC]
Cameron Diaz to Invade ChelseaCameron Diaz is looking to buy an apartment in West Chelsea and also hooked up with Felicity’s Scott Speedman in the Bahamas. Samantha Stein-Wells, daughter of murdered real-estate broker Linda Stein, is turning her 35th birthday into a charity event in her mom’s name. Padma Lakshmi told Dave Zinczenko that she’d cover her body in chocolate if he put her on the cover of Men’s Health. Portfolio magazine named Newsweek fashion scribe Dana Thomas its European editor. Michelle Williams has pulled out of her upcoming movie with Ryan Gosling because she’s too beat up over Heath Ledger’s death. Maybe-pregnant Angelia Jolie went shopping at a baby boutique in Tribeca.
CNBC’s Erin Burnett’s Favorite Characteristic in a Mate Is MoneyCNBC business anchor Erin Burnett dreams of men spending copious amounts of dough on her. Gus Wenner, son of Rolling Stone honcho Jann Wenner, was accepted early decision to Brown, and Jack Byrne, son of Ellen Barkin and Gabriel Byrne, was accepted to Bard. Jimmy Fallon and new wife Nancy Juvonen ate at Pastis. An upcoming “oral history” of Rudy Giuliani chronicles the former mayor’s “petty, vindictive, small-minded maneuvering.” Jay-Z says he is not concerned with the problematic rumors surrounding the opening of his new 40/40 club. Mary-Louise Parker and boyfriend Jeffrey Dean Morgan had coffee at Local on Sullivan Street.
new york fugging city
The Fug Girls: Since When Is Jessica Simpson a Spinster?Now it really stinks to be Jessica Simpson. When her new boyfriend, Tony Romo, played his worst football game of the season in her presence, tabloids and his teammates alike christened her a walking curse. And last week, the cover of Us deemed her “Tortured by Regret” on the premise that she bailed on her marriage and now can’t keep a man. Essentially, at the ripe old age of 27, she’s been deemed a washed-up dud. We don’t even like her, and we think that’s rotten.
in other news
Georgina Chapman and Harvey Weinstein Take the Celebrity Wedding to Connecticut (Updated)Today People brings us all the details of the glamorous nuptials of Marchesa designer Georgina Chapman and producer Harvey Weinstein. They do a pretty decent job, as wedding announcements go. Guests at Harvey’s Westport estate included Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony, Cameron Diaz, Renée Zellweger, Naomi Watts, Anna Wintour, Rupert Murdoch, Ron Perelman, Quentin Tarantino, Graydon Carter, Karolina Kurkova, and Helena Christensen. Yeah, it was one of those. “The wedding was the most elegant, loving affair I’ve ever seen,” one guest (no doubt a socialite friend of contributing reporter Jeff Slonim) told People. “The room was full of incredible people who were there to toast the couple, who looked totally in love.” The party tents were decorated with fir trees, crystal chandeliers, mirrors, and pink flowers. A ten-minute fireworks show erupted after the couple exchanged their vows, lighting up Long Island Sound.
John Mayer Has Another Girlfriend Today John
Mayer and Cameron Diaz canoodled at the Bowery Hotel. Protesters are hanging around Viacom head Phillippe Dauman and buyout artist Henry Kravis’s respective homes. An assistant of Annie Leibovitz was involved in a bad Vespa accident but is expected to recover. Eli Wallach, the star of The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, just turned 92 but is still acting. Morgan Spurlock may or may not have found Osama bin Laden in this latest documentary. Donald Trump says he did not leave a waiter a $10,000 tip, despite what was reported by the restaurant.