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  1. This Is Me Spending 10 Minutes on FacebookElmo getting burnt to a crisp by a jet engine is a week at work. Elmo getting burnt to a crisp by a jet engine is talking to an ex. Elmo getting burnt to a crisp by a jet engine is reading your high-school-friends’ status updates on Facebook.
  2. neighborhood news
    Times Square Elmos May Soon Need License to Creep People Out and Harass TouristsA city councilman has drafted a bill. 
  3. crimes and misdemeanors
    Elmo Puppeteer Cleared of Sexual Abuse ChargesBecause of the statute of limitations.
  4. bad elmo
    Troubled Elmo Continues Destroying the Elmo BrandTurns out this Elmo used to run a pornographic website.
  5. elmo
    NYPD Takes Down ElmoNot in the mood to be tickled.
  6. it’s like a heat wave
    How Masochists Spend a Heat WaveThis is probably what hell is like.
  7. scenes from a meltdown
    Ricky Gervais to Elmo: ‘Do You Know What Necrophilia Is?’The comedian brings a sunny day to cloudy Sesame Street.