We’re Never There for You When You Need UsWell, thank God that’s over. You okay? Honestly, the holidays always leave us a little shaken. The forced smiles, poorly spiked eggnog, and unmitigated hell of an hour-long cab line waiting for us upon our return — there’s just been so much silent sobbing these past few days. And now our eyes are all red and puffy, so we’re going to take the rest of this week to recover. Come Monday, we’ll be back for the typically grand New Year’s Eve action.
A Guide to Recognizing Your Partygoers: Introducing the Lady SovereignettesYour field guide to the species of nightlife habitat.
Species: Lady Sovereignettes
Etymology: Mini-clones of their idol, British rapper Lady Sovereign.
Distinguishing characteristics: Easily identified by their high side ponytails, Lady Sovereignettes are unofficial parts of any rapper’s army of pint-size wannabes. Often seen sporting large gold earrings or fake diamonds, shod in white Adidas sneakers (like their famous leader), and wearing oversize white tees with tribal designs, and, unadvisedly, leggings.
Known locales: Fulton Street Mall, Hip Hop Karaoke at the Knitting Factory.
Diet: White Castle slyders and Doritos.
How to approach: Though they appear to be threatening, Lady Sovereignettes are quite docile and harmless. They front well, but give one a good head petting and she’ll be purring like a kitten. Don’t try to touch the ponytail at first, however — a savage scratch will be in order. Smile, say hello, and compliment her loud shirt before any attempt at touching.
Endangerment status: With their leader proving insufficiently popular to dominate in the wild, these creatures will have to change their camouflage to survive. Likely to morph into Amy Winehouse imitators within three months. —Amina Akhtar
Downtown Graffiti Goes CommercialChelsea: Maritime partiers, take note: The Frying Pan, that “legendary party vessel,” has moved from Pier 63 a few blocks north to 66. [Curbed]
Downtown Brooklyn: City Council is in no rush to hold hearings about the future of the Duffield Street homes that may have been Underground Railroad stops. [The Daily Gotham via Gowanus Lounge]
Dumbo: Local megadeveloper Thomas Arden is the subject of a new adaption of the 1739 play Arden of Feversham, now titled The Lamentable Tragedie of a Dumbo Real Estate Mogul. [The Real Deal]
Greenpoint: Vice’s online video channel will run a new exposé on the toxic sludge that lies beneath the ground here and in Williamsburg. [VBS.tv via A Brooklyn Life]
Nolita: Seven graffiti artists are painting a fake subway car on Houston and Lafayette as guests of Adidas, much to anti-graffiti councilman Peter Vallone Jr.’s dismay. [Razor Apple and Newsday]
Soho: Has the city’s plan for a bike lane on Houston Street been quietly abandoned? [On NY Turf]
The Rushkoff Effect Hits HarlemChelsea: Time to rally against the demolition of the Hotel Pennsylvania. [Blog Chelsea]
Crown Heights: The Empire Rolling Rink will have to go if Costco takes over the block. [Across the Park]
East Village: Chase bank is taking over the 2nd Avenue Deli’s old spot. You knew it would be a bank. [Curbed]
Fort Greene: As an extra inconvenience for anyone with a job, the Pratt post office on Myrtle Avenue doesn’t open till 9:30. [Clinton Hill Blog]
Harlem: The Rushkoff Effect spreads north; blogger moves following unpleasant run-in with crazy guy. [Bagel in Harlem]
Park Slope: The Park Slope Armory should be a community center by September, with athletic and recreational facilities. [Gowanus Lounge]
it just happened
Coughlin to Stay With GiantsGiants head coach Tom Coughlin will return to the Big Blue sidelines next season, the team announced today, despite speculation that Sunday’s playoff loss to Philadelphia would be his last game. If you’re keeping score, this marks the second time in recent months a local team has been forced to publicly declare that it wouldn’t be firing its coach. (You may remember similar drama in October with Joe Torre.) So will the next head coach to be retained against the odds please step forward? Not so fast, Isiah. —Joe DeLessio
Coughlin Gets One-Year Extension From Giants [ESPN]