Let Ashley Olsen Be a Little Girl and Lick Her FingersShe’s getting flack for not washing her hands after the movies, but maybe she likes to lick the butter taste like us! Related: We wish we could’ve soothed the Cuddle Guv’s stage fright. In the I’m-Fried Day gossip roundup.
Eyebrows Are Raised Over Morgan StanleyMorgan Stanley CEO John Mack grapples with plummeting profits and a rogue trader, a summer associate messes with the wrong guy at the company picnic, and Rachael Ray buys in the Hamptons, in our daily roundup of finance, law, media, and real-estate news.
Heather Mills Is Moving to the West VillagePaul McCartney’s ex drops some of his dime on a New York pad, well-meaning yuppie scum set up shop in the East Village, Enrique Norten gets a second chance in downtown Brooklyn, and more, in this week’s kickoff to our daily boroughs wrap-up!
Chloë Sevigny Down! We Repeat, Chloë Sevigny Down!The indie actress is felled by a viral infection, Salman Rushdie would vote for Barack Obama, and writer Peter Davis cares too much about a socialite contest. All that and the rest of the gossip from New York’s tabloids today.
Adam Duritz Probably Should Have Married Jennifer Aniston When He Had the ChanceCounting Crows lead singer Adam Durtiz laments the fact that he’s 43, single, and sits home a lot. Alan Greenspan is worried about the economy, but he can’t be that worried: He celebrated his 82nd birthday the other night with a pricey dinner at Le Perigord. Jimmy Kimmel says he bought his ex-wife an engagement ring from Costco. Bill Clinton says his favorite movie of the year was Michael Clayton, but that he hasn’t seen There Will Be Blood. Defense attorney Mickey Sherman says he uses Otter’s “It’s the system’s fault!” speech from Animal House to justify defending shady clients. Tina Fey thinks she’s funnier than Jon Stewart.
it just happened
Paul McCartney Is Still Rich; Heather Mills Is Still Crazy
A U.K. judge has just awarded Heather Mills around $50 million of Paul McCartney’s money, enough to keep her in golden legs for a lifetime. You think she’d be pleased about this, right? But no! Immediately after the proceedings, Mills stalked down the steps of the London court and complained to the press that the judge said that McCartney was worth £400 million when “everyone knows he’s worth £800 over the last fifteen years.” Then she announced she would contest the decision to make the settlement figures public, which she said Paul had insisted on doing. “He has always wanted it public because he wants to make it look like he is … generous,” she ranted, because apparently nothing will make her happy and she will never go away ever.
UPDATE: From CNN: “The judgment included 35,000 pounds ($70,000) a year for the couple’s 4-year-old daughter, Beatrice. Mills said she was unhappy with that amount because it isn’t enough for school tuition, private security, or first-class airfare. ‘He likes her to fly five times a year on holiday,” Mills said of McCartney. “It’s 17,000 (pounds) for two people return (round-trip) first class, so that’s obviously not meant to happen for her anymore. It’s very sad.’” Because obviously that can’t come out of the $50 million.
Judge Awards Heather Mills £24.3 Million in Divorce Ruling [Times UK]
Related: Intel’s Weird Obsession With Crazy Heather Mills
Amy Fisher: Bullet in the Head, Silicone in the Boobs — Same DiffAmy Fisher is unbothered that the bullet she fired into the head of Mary Joe Buttafuoco is still lodged in her brain. “I feel no sympathy for Mary Jo,” she said. “I still have silicone in my boobs, and you don’t hear me complaining. She can’t feel her bullet, and I can’t feel my silicone.” Gwyneth Paltrow said that she and hubby Chris Martin are open to adopting a baby but that they’d likely get it from Brooklyn instead of Africa. Don’t you know? It’s CNN that is biased! They’re the ones who have a problem with letting Fox News anchors appear on their shows, despite the fact that Fox News lets CNN anchors appear on its programs, the Rupert Murdoch–owned Post tells us. They’re probably just scared. Pussies.
Diddy, Still Fighting After All These Years
Diddy and a hip-hop marketing man fought over a model at Soho club Upstairs. The publisher of Forbes and the editor of Sports Illustrated really like white truffles. Butter owners Richie Akiva and Scott Sartiano were hit with a $120 million lawsuit by the developer of their new Chelsea club. Terrence Howard will make his Broadway debut in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr. were congratulated at dinner at Primola because Gellar changed her last name to Prinze. At Da Tomasso, Celine Dion ordered fourteen dishes of ravioli with tomatoes and peppers.
Sheryl Crow Finally Has Something to Say About Ashley and Lance
Sheryl Crow thinks it’s “pathetic” that Lance Armstrong is dating Ashley Olsen. Paris Hilton has been frequenting New York hot spots very late at night (or, rather, early in the morning). Donald Trump Jr. is suing the board members of his West Side condo for kicking him off. Jon Corzine’s ex, 48-year-old Carla Katz, is dating a 32-year-old American soldier and former model. Torch, a new club slated to open tonight, is scrambling to get Tiki Barber and 800 other invitees not to show up because the plumbing isn’t ready. A guy on the subway once told Matthew Broderick that he looked and sounded exactly like Matthew Broderick.
in other news
Barbara Walters Is Only One Degree of Sexeration From Paul McCartneyDon’t you hate it when you talk smack about someone and it comes back to haunt you? That’s what happened to Barbara Walters, who ranted uncharacteristically about Heather Mills on The View last week. “I went on the program and said [Mills] was sort of diva-ish — so I said that,” she said on her Sirius radio show last night. Actually, what she said was that Mills was “not a nice woman” but that’s not the point: The point is that as it turns out, Nancy Shevell, the cute Hamptons lady the tabloids later that week claimed was boffing Paul McCartney, happens to be Barbara’s very own cousin. “Well, now it turns out that my cousin is Paul McCartney’s new girlfriend so it looks as if I deliberately bashed Heather,” she said. It does, kinda, doesn’t it! Wawa went on to talk about the sage advice she offered her cousin, one celebrity to another:
This is all so new for her. I keep saying to her — you know you have no idea you know what I say to her most — we both have a mutual cousin who used to always say to me, “Why do you go out without lipstick — don’t you realize people are looking at you?” And I’d say, “I don’t have the time ” Now I’m saying to Nancy, “Nancy, don’t go out without lipstick — you never know who’s standing next to you.”
She forgot the most important thing! Never get a prenup.
Earlier: Even Barbara Walters Thinks Heather Mills Is a Jerk
Harvey Weinstein Hasn’t Forgotten How to Fight Harvey Weinstein either physically removed a D.J. who was acting inappropriately with a lady at his table at Rose Bar or was punched in the face by him. (He’s also getting married next month.) Denzel Washington had 30 bespoke suits made by an English tailor on East 53rd Street. Liz Smith speculates that the next Time person of the year will be the environment. Cindy Adams reports that a book on Heather Mills is in the works. The owner of Baraonda, the Italian eatery at 75th and Second, got a new lease on the space. PR guru Lara Shriftman has given into the pressure and revealed the daddy of her baby: rum heir Juan Bacardi.
in other news
Cindy Adams on Heather Mills: ‘Blah Blah Pleasuring Arabs’British celebrity biographer Neil Simpson, tired of ghostwriting for Big Brother 3 contestants, has sharpened his quill and is taking on an unauthorized biography of Mucca herself, The Unsinkable Heather Mills. And can you blame him? If ever there was material crying out for unauthorized-bio treatment, it’s the story of the one-legged former prostie who married a Beatle. This morning, in what may be best column in her entire career, Cindy Adams summarizes the manuscript, which spans Mills early life to the present:
It was cheap food. Rabbit. Age 10, she stole. Shoplifted. Drank. Her father’s in prison Next, her boyfriend Peter overdoses on heroin. She herself sleeps on the streets. She worked for a jeweler. She stole from the jeweler. She’s arrested. Then come paragraphs on the sex trade, naked photos, endless lying, pleasuring Arabs, being kept And so on until The Tragic Accident. The narrative then osmoses into her realizing the key to power and, thus, selling that horrifying story of losing her leg for the highest newspaper bid. It included this woman Doing It in her hospital bed. It was about losing a leg but the sex being as incredible as ever blaah blaah and soon Heather was on her next lap — and it was Paul’s.
Should not all celebrity biographies be written this way? We know maybe it’s a little bit late to suggest this, but we think we’ve found a post-retirement career for Cindy Adams.
Through the Mills & Back Again [NYP]
Earlier: Intel’s Coverage of Heather Mills
in other news
Heather Mills Flip-flops Her Stance on McCartney-Shevell AllianceWhat a difference a day makes. As much as we’re loath to give Heather Mills more attention, the Daily News and Post are so obsessed with the Paul McCartney–Nancy Shevell fling that it’s impossible to ignore. And we couldn’t help but notice the difference in Mills’s take on the issue from yesterday to today. Yesterday, her rep told us that Mills said, “Paul is a free man now. He can do what he wants!” But today, we learn from the Post that Mills is “seething with rage over her soon-to-be-ex-hubby’s lip-locking love affair.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Mills allegedly shouted at the beloved Beatle during a phone call she made after spying paparazzi pictures of him spending last weekend romantically paling around with their old family friend, Nancy Shevell. “There was a huge row,” a source told London’s The Mirror newspaper. “Heather asked what the hell he thought he was up to.”
Now that’s more like it! Don’t let a moment go by where you can seem like the victim, Heather. Rampage, rampage, rampage!
HEATHER IS AP’PAUL’LED: ‘BEATLE MANIAC’ LOSES IT ON PHONE [NYP]
Benicio Del Toro Helps Out a Gay Meth AddictFormer New York Stock Exchange chairman Dick Grasso may or may not have had an affair and fathered a love child. Steven Spielberg ate at the Waverley Inn with his family and a whole lot of other famous folks. Denise Rich sang a Rolling Stones song to an audience that included Donald Trump Jr. and Ivana Trump at new venue Espace. Benicio del Toro appeared at the Gay Men’s Health Crisis Center as a sponsor for a meth-addict friend. One of Howard Stern’s sidekicks filmed a porno inside Stern’s studio with Ron Jeremy. Jay-Z may be “scrambling” because the lead single from his American Gangster album is not doing well.
in other news
Even Barbara Walters Thinks Heather Mills is a Jerk“I rarely talk about people I interview,” said Barbara Walters on The View this morning. “I love them all,” she said. Yawn. “But every once in a while…” Oh! Do tell! Who!”Heatha Mills,” she said, which was kind of a letdown, since we all know that Heather Mills is basically Satan, or at least basically equivalent to Ahmadinejad. But still! “This is not a very nice woman,” Baba declared, and from her, that is rough. She had interviewed her twice. At first, she was sympathetic to her, because of, you know, the leg thing. “The first time, I was very touched by her, she had been in an accident, she lost her leg,” Baba said. The second time, not so much. “One of our producers gave her a glass of water, she said, ‘this glass of water is not room temperature,’… she was so impossible.’” Wow — Baba is fully going off on Heather Mills! This is awesome! The Huffington Post has the full rant.
Earlier: Heather Mills Makes Us Crazy
Neal Boulton Wants, Doesn’t Want AttentionFormer Men’s Fitness editor and Jann Wenner paramour Neal Boulton calls up “Page Six” to tell them that he is getting harassed for being “too straight.” Harvey Weinstein said he uses Vogue and Anna Wintour to help style his films. The Box is about to implement a security system designed by Safir Rosetti, which is run by former police commissioner Howard Safir. 50 Cent may perform at Times Square on New Year’s Eve. Salman Rushdie dressed up as Darth Vader on Halloween and had to fend off chicks with his light saber. Fox News correspondent Chris Wallace complained that only 39 American soldiers died in Iraq in October 2007, the fewest deaths in a month since 2004.
in other news
Heather Mills Makes Us CrazyWas anybody else watching the Today show this morning? If so, did you find yourself wondering why the hell they let Heather Mills ramble on for ten minutes about her divorce from Paul McCartney and how the press is treating her badly? It was extremely difficult to watch (“I fell in love with a man, not a Beatle!”). Matt Lauer sat idly by as she ranted about how media coverage of her has driven her to the brink of suicide and how she’s been receiving death threats. She just wants the media to leave her alone! Which raises the obvious question: Why go on TV and make a fuss over yourself?
Rachel Roy Is a Dash PreggersRachel Roy is pregnant. Gossip Girl’s Chace Crawford toasted new friend Carrie Underwood with Cristal at Southern Hospitality. Ew, they serve Cristal at that place? Katie Holmes took Suri to have frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity 3. 50 Cent and Lance Bass talked smack about each other’s books. Anna Wintour skimped on the food (only cheese sticks and almonds!) at her Style.com party on Tuesday. Prince Albert showed up at the “Grace, Princess of Monaco” exhibit at Sotheby’s.
Divorces, Horses, and So OnPaula Zahn’s friends say she wanted to stay in the Fifth Avenue apartment she shares with soon-to-be ex-husband Richard Cohen for the sake of their kids, but he made it too difficult. Lou Dobbs’s daughter Hillary won the Open Jumper Class (and $7,500) at the Hampton Classic Horse Show. (Soon-to-be-mom Kelly Klein also rode there.) Heather Mills has racked up a number of parking tickets in her Bentley convertible in East Hampton. NYU’s school newspaper went out of its way to point out that people use the campus library to commit suicide and hook up on Craigslist. Larry David doesn’t like fund-raisers on yachts in Martha’s Vineyard. Courtney Love is blaming ex-boyfriend Steve Coogan for Owen Wilson’s attempted suicide, and now Coogan is worried about his career prospects. The New York Times has a clear anti-Yankees bias, “Page Six” says.
Breaking: Lohans Not Best ParentsLindsay Lohan’s bodyguard claims Dina and Michael weren’t the best parents. Maria Bartiromo pissed off PETA by posing in a Michael Kors coat with fox-fur cuffs. The Box smelled like burnt hair for two hours after a patron’s hair caught on fire. Jay McCarroll’s friend says he has an Upper West Side apartment, contrary to what the designer told New York. Katie Couric belted out “Sweet Caroline” at a piano bar in Nantucket. Harvey Weinstein picked Clint Eastwood to compose the score for John Cusack’s new movie. City comptroller Bill Thompson says he was able to buy an apartment in Brooklyn shortly after graduating college in 1974, but his daughter couldn’t even afford to rent one. Chris Noth will be in the Sex and the City movie.
Paul Sorvino Is Full of CrapA waste-hauling company dumped 60 cubic yards of horse manure onto Paul Sorvino’s Pennsylvania driveway after he and his daughter disputed a bill. The feud between Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall ended after Cattrall sent Parker flowers. Suge Knight bit Kevin Connolly’s finger during a playful wrestling match after the ESPYs. Steve Martin is marrying Vogue writer Anne Stringfield. An upcoming documentary will allegedly “out” twenty gay Broadway actors and dancers who are trying to cure their homosexuality by attending underground support groups. A resident of Katonah has recorded an anti–Martha Stewart tune on YouTube in response to her effort to trademark the town’s name for a line of furniture. CSI star Gary Dourdan assaulted a photographer, broke his camera, and then sped off on a motorcycle outside a West Hollywood club. Spencer Tunick — a.k.a. that guy who takes photos of large crowds of naked people — is planning a shoot in the Swiss Alps to raise awareness for global warming. David Duchovny likes Barry Manilow.
new york fugging city
Free Heather Mills’s Leg!
We’ve been gripped lately with a harrowing fascination that shames us to the core. Someone we love to hate has given us something we love to love, and the resulting struggle to reconcile the contradiction has left us feeling a little, well, dirty.
We’re referring, of course, to our dark obsession with Heather Mills’s fake leg.
Blogs Not Stylish Enough For ‘Vogue’Valerie Plame allegedly canceled her upcoming chat with Keith Olbermann because her publisher wants to “maximize the publicity” when her book comes out. At a recent fundraiser, Bill Clinton attacked the New York Times for the paper’s treatment of his wife. (Who he thinks is “very electable”). Anna Wintour thinks the word “blog” is “garish-sounding,” and wants her staff to come up with an alternate word. Michael Wolff is going to Michael’s tonight for a party, breaking a two-year boycott after he was once denied a table. Famous folks continue to eat at the Waverly Inn. Lindsay Lohan has partied a lot since she came to New York last week.
All They Needs Is Love, and LawyersMore trouble in the Mills-McCartney divorce, this time over child custody. The Post says Nicole Richie was at Paris Hilton’s 26th-birthday party; the Daily News says she wasn’t. (Other alleged attendees: a monkey, a pack of goats, and a band of midgets. Seriously.) Russian prez Vladimir Putin is attending the wedding of Russian billionaire heiress Anna Anisimova’s sister, Angelina. Tom Brady’s camp claims Bridget Moynahan didn’t tell him she was pregnant before going public and may have even gotten pregnant on purpose. Michael Jordan brought a mystery date to Vegas for a celebrity poker tournament. Grey Gardens star Christine Ebersole thinks 9/11 was an inside job.
Bill Clinton’s Handshakes Are Still FetishizedMike Bloomberg, Ron Perelman, and David Koch are the three most philanthropic New Yorkers, according to the Chronicle of Philanthropy. Bill Clinton gave Cindy Adams a tutorial on shaking hands. An old man yelled at Edie Falco. Peter Fonda says stage actors “have intercourse with the audience every night.” Donald Trump wants to dump Nancy O’Dell as the host of Miss USA. A random model — Amber Valletta — doesn’t care for New York. Josh Hartnett and Maria Sharapova considered doing karaoke on Thursday night. Steve Schwarzman grew up poor.