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  1. Chaffetz: GOP Bill Will Let Americans Choose Between Health Care and iPhonesOne GOP lawmaker boasts that health care will be affordable under the House’s new bill — so long as low-income people stop buying iPhones.
  2. At SXSW, President Obama Gently Pushes Apple on EncryptionHe touched on the topic during his keynote speech earlier Friday.
  3. feline puppies!!
    Your Cat Can Unlock an iPhone 5S With Its Paw Print Why this may or may not be useful. 
  4. Your Stolen iPhone Was Probably in Queens With Some High TwentysomethingsCops found a “virtual orchard of Apple products.”
  5. crimes and misdemeanors
    The Time You Don’t Want Your Stolen iPhone BackEh, keep it.
  6. crimes and misdemeanors
    Worst Teenager Ever Steals iPhone From Quadriplegic ManAnd gets caught.
  7. technology
    Burner App Takes Screening Calls (or Being a Creep) to the Next LevelA new iPhone program provides unlimited temporary cell-phone numbers.
  8. dirty jobs
    Apple’s App Reviewers See a Lot of Phalluses“You can’t let all those dicks get through.”
  9. technology
    Facebook Releases Instagram Competitor Despite Owning InstagramRemember that $1 billion purchase?
  10. technology
    Disney Investigating Accused iPhone Thief Caught on FacebookThe phone has been recovered after a viral campaign.
  11. technology
    Alleged Disney Cruise iPhone Thief Outed on Victim’s FacebookIt’s all thanks to the cloud.
  12. technology
    Apple Did Just Fine Without Steve Jobs, iPhone 5The company reported huge profits from the first quarter without its co-founder.
  13. ink-stained wretches
    New York Times Still Not Over Philharmonic TragedyBy tragedy, we mean when that man’s iPhone rang during a performance more than a week ago.
  14. technology
    Philharmonic iPhone Guy Is Distraught, Still RichThe man whose phone rang during a performance says he hasn’t slept in two days.
  15. the subway
    Decoy Officer With iPhone Nets Another CrookThe NYPD’s plan to pose as an easy mark on the subway worked again.
  16. icrime
    Morningside Heights Mugger Is a Brand SnobHe’ll give your BlackBerry back.
  17. technology
    Emoticons Are Now Easier to Read, Times ReportsThere’s a new development in text message technology.
  18. mavericks
    John McCain Surprisingly Not an Expert on TechnologyHe didn’t know iPads and iPhones are made in China.
  19. fine print
    Lawsuit Alleges That AT&T Is Systematically Overbilling iPhone and iPad AccountsUgh, does this mean we actually have to look at our cell-phone bill?
  20. are you there google? it’s me margaret
    Google’s Android Wins the Smartphone Popularity ContestIs Jobs’s ego hurting Apple?
  21. the future is coming
    Apple’s Newest iPhones and iPads Will Function Like Credit CardsIs Apple about to become the biggest company in the world?
  22. the future is coming
    Steve Jobs Takes a Medical Leave of Absence From Apple [Updated]The announcement was timed on a day when the stock market was closed.
  23. the future is coming
    Verizon and AT&T Bitch-Slap Each Other: The Coming iPhone WarThe iPhone war a’cometh.
  24. the future is coming
    It Is Very Difficult for Steve Jobs to Keep His iPad Secret When You Insider Trade His StockIt’s hard out there for a tech pimp.
  25. petty crime waves
    Brooklyn’s Bicycle Thieves Want Your iPhoneA rash of two-wheeled smartphone thefts in upscale Brooklyn neighborhoods.
  26. underthings
    Breaking: More Updates on the Men’s Underwear FrontWhy should near nudity keep you from your iPhone?
  27. the future is coming
    Apple Finally Lets Google Voice on the iPhoneAnd it only took sixteen months!
  28. the future is coming
    Daydreams Make You SadThe secret to happiness lies in your iPhone.
  29. spring ahead fall back
    Wait, What Time Is It?It’s Daylight Saving day, and your iPhone might be lying to you.
  30. when technology attacks
    The Perils of Using Your iPhone As an AlarmYour phone’s not sure what time it is.
  31. bons mots
    Fake Steve Jobs Has Some Thoughts on Apple’s Competition“We see RIM, in our rearview mirror, yelling at us to slow down.”
  32. iphone therefore i am
    WSJ: Apple To Produce New iPhone For Verizon By End Of YearApple will have new version of smartphone ready by end of year.
  33. you have reached the dead body of tony curtis
    Tony Curtis Was Buried With His iPhone and Seven Packets of SplendaAmong other things.
  34. the future is coming
    Apple’s New App Store Guidelines: Vague, Casual, and Somewhat Menacing“If you run to the press and trash us, it never helps.”
  35. the future is coming
    Apple’s Fall Event Sounds Like a Steve Jobs SNL SketchSteve Jobs anticipates tech needs you haven’t even dreamed of.
  36. behind the screen
    Chinese iPad and iPhone Manufacturer Rallies On, Despite Worker SuicidesFoxconn slated to hire 400,000 this year.
  37. sexy tech
    Irrefutable Evidence That an iPhone Will Get You LaidThe average number of sexual partners for 30-year-olds according to their smartphone brand.
  38. the future is coming
    Apple’s Smart Bike Will Fuse Your Bike, iPhone, and iPodThis will make bike geeks very happy.
  39. iphone therefore i am
    Jailbreaking Is No Longer IllegalOnly in the iPhone sense of the word.
  40. iphone therefore i am
    Verizon Customers May Finally Be Able to Get iPhonesIn just seven months!
  41. phone sex
    The Inevitable iPhone Video Sex Chat Services BeginOn Craigslist, of course.
  42. apple
    State Assemblyman: Ban iPhone 4 Video-Calling From the RoadThe new Apple device troubles Felix Ortiz.
  43. investigations
    iPhone Leak Investigation on Hold After Gizmodo Points to Shield LawsPolice took four computers, two servers from Gizmodo editor’s house in raid.
  44. finder’s keepers
    Lost iPhone Is Bad News for Apple, Awesome for Nick DentonGizmodo paid $5,000 for the device.
  45. ipad therefore i am
    iPad Debut Weekend Sales Projected to Exceed ExpectationsEstimated 700,000 units of the device sold since Saturday morning.
  46. iphone therefore i am
    Is the Verizon iPhone Finally Coming This Summer?And will it be thinner and faster than the current iPhone?
  47. loyalty
    Microsoft Employees Use iPhones, CEO Steve Ballmer Stomps on Them in PublicAbout 10 percent of Microsoft employees are using Apple’s smartphone.
  48. science
    iPhone Addiction Is for Real, Says Stanford StudyNow that you mention it, our iPod has been acting way passive-aggressive recently.
  49. lawsuits
    Your iPod Is Not Legally Responsible for Your Hearing LossA Federal Court of Appeals decision upheld a prior decision that there’s no evidence your iPod can cause hearing loss.
  50. iphone therefore i am
    ‘New York Is Not Ready for the iPhone’ [Updated]That’s what AT&T customer service says, anyway.
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