Rielle Hunter’s Cabal of Crazy: A RosterTo sum up: Everyone involved in this whole Edwards-affair mess is probably crazy, almost certainly lying, and definitely should keep his or her mouth shut. Here are the bit players you need to know.
Jake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon Set a Bad ExampleJake Gyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon texted on their BlackBerrys during the matinee show of August: Osage County before sneaking out at intermission. Criminal! Judith Regan is now suing the lawyers who are suing her for alleged unpaid fees. Anna Wintour sat courtside at the Knicks-Cavs game last night courtesy of LeBron James (she’s putting him on the cover of Vogue’s shape issue with Gisele in April). Jeremy Piven texted two separate models he met in New York to come meet him at the Mercer Hotel, though he didn’t know at the time that they knew each other. The Champagne Marilyn Monroe drank during her famous 1962 shoot was spiked with either drugs or vodka.
Insurance-Man BluesWoody Allen once had to drop Winona Ryder and Robert Downey Jr. from a movie because no one would insure them — just like Lindsay Lohan is getting dropped because no one will insure her. 50 Cent claimed that he’ll no longer put out any solo albums if Kanye West’s Graduation outsells his record when they both debut on September 11. In Jay McInerney’s latest book, Evelyn’s is based on now-shuttered West 9th Street speakeasy Marylou’s. Ashley Olsen says that she and sister Mary-Kate have a psychic bond and “carry the weight of each other.” Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld ate together at the Brooklyn Diner. Cheryl Tiegs likes to play hard-to-get with guys.
Don’t Cry for Us, O.J. SimpsonO.J. Simpson had a ghostwriter for his never-released memoir, If I Did It (who’d have thunk it!) and even practiced a crying scene for his TV interview with Judith Regan. Barry Bonds’s ex-mistress, who has alleged that the slugger has used steroids, is shopping a tell-all and nude pictorial. Enrique Iglesias wishes he were gay. Nathan Lane wants to start a heterosexual pride parade, with George W. Bush as grand marshal. Jay McInerney is sick of telling people he broke his foot chasing after a taxi. Madonna didn’t invite Janet Jackson to sit at her booth at Butter, though she did hang out with Shakira. Also: Ashton, Demi, and Penélope were there. The flowers at the Waldorf-Astoria wedding of billionaire Russian heiress Angelina Anisimova and real-estate developer Ryan Freedman cost $1 million. John McCain didn’t wash his hands before leaving a restroom in East Hampton.
Jay McInerney Breaks His Foot on a ClichéJay McInerney broke his foot running to hail a cab. Outside the Waverly Inn. Martha Stewart and Cosmo editor Kate White were among Glamour’s “Top 10 College Women.” Pete Wentz and girlfriend Ashlee Simpson cut the bathroom line at Wentz’s bar, Angels and Kings. A documentary adaptation is being filmed of Crimes Against Nature, Robert F. Kennedy Jr.’s indictment of President Bush’s environmental policy. Hugh Hefner praised a story in Elle that trashed some of his girlfriends, even though he told the girls he’d write a critical letter to the editor about it. Katie Couric had breakfast with Ted Koppel.
Jay McInerney’s Bright Lights, Big ShillingA flyer that recently turned up in the in-box:
It’s all you need to know about New York in the aughts: luxury condos (in east midtown!), Jay McInerney, and “his favorite summer wines.” We’d make a joke, but then, wouldn’t that be redundant?
Jay McInerney’s Bright New PenthouseBay Ridge: Residents are bracing for a two-year traffic nightmare as renovation work begins on 86th Street and the Verrazano-Narrows Bridge. [Brooklyn Paper]
Gowanus: During yesterday’s storm, raw sewage flowed into the canal, which then overflowed, all but literally sending crap into the streets. Quaint! [Gowanus Lounge]
Greenpoint: Living next door to Magic Johnson’s new Green Street condo building is like living next to something that pokes two-foot-by-two-foot holes in your apartment. [Newyorkshitty]
Greenwich Village: Bright lights, big price tag. Jay McInerney and his heiress wife, Anne Hearst, just picked up an East 9th Street penthouse for $3.2 mil. [Curbed]
Harlem: Sunday’s torrential rain created four waterfalls in the 116th Street C-train station, making it more disgusting than usual. [Harlem Fur]
Park Slope: The hood’s perfectionist moms suffer the painful realization that they no longer dress well. [Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn]
Upper East Side: Not everybody’s happy about the Star Wars–esque entrances planned for the Second Avenue subway. [2nd Avenue Sagas]
Anand Jon Was Always CreepyDesigner Anand Jon, who’s charged with multiple counts of sexual assault, is a publicity whore and total creep. Among the dogs in Lindsay Lohan’s life right now are a Yorkie, a Jack Russell, and Jude Law. Uma Thurman and André Balazs officially broke up yesterday. Nicole Richie collapsed on the set of The Simple Life in Malibu. A woman once died in Jay McInerney’s bed. The Jewish Theater of New York wants the Times to fire drama editor Rick Lyman for allegedly passing on reviewing Last Jew in Europe because of pressure from the Polish government. NY1 political anchor Dominic Carter wrote a book about his hard-knock childhood. Country-music star Merle Haggard backs Hillary Clinton for president but is not ready to fully commit to her. Florida advertising mogul Jordan Zimmerman is backing Mitt Romney for president. Two more top editors from Life & Style quit.
Breaking: Less Than Pure Ethics at the ‘Post’!Conflict of interest alert! The Post’s state editor, Fredric U. Dicker, has been getting paid to make speeches by the New York Bankers Association. Citigroup’s head of wealth management, Todd Thomson, left the firm yesterday, perhaps because he flew his friends around too often on the corporate jet. The Bachelor’s Lorenzo Borghese is dating the show’s runner-up, but he also hit on Tinsley Mortimer’s sister Dabney. Jared Leto got angry and Sienna Miller partied with Diddy and Josh Hartnett at Sundance. Also, Jared Leto was not pleased to hear that fellow Scarlett Johansson pal Justin Timberlake was to perform at a party he was at. Jay McInerney and Anne Hearst celebrated their marriage in Palm Beach with a gaggle of society folk.
Thrice-Married Giuliani Is McInerney’s Love ExpertAt Jay McInerney’s wedding to Anne Hearst, Rudy Giuliani spoke about love and Dan Aykroyd got the crowd dancing. Salman Rushdie is impressed with his son’s game, and vice versa. Atlantic Records founder Ahmet Ertegun is in the hospital and not doing well. Kurt Cobain wanted to divorce Courtney Love, a new book claims. Lauren Davis “totally disregarded her responsibilities” as junior chair of the Winter Wonderland Ball Friday night to go party at Bungalow 8 and the Gramercy Park Hotel instead. Britney Spears has a new music-producer boyfriend, and he looks just like K-Fed. Beyoncé Knowles calls her onstage persona “Sasha,” admits to not liking her. Penélope Cruz dropped off Orlando Bloom before heading to the TomKat post-honeymoon party. People ate and bid on a lot of truffles at the Four Seasons Saturday. Andrew Sarris was in the restroom during the vote for Best Animated Feature at the New York Film Critics Circle’s awards, and his choice (A Scanner Darkly) ended up losing to Happy Feet by one vote. Someone claims that Ed Burns’s band is better than the Rolling Stones. A former reporter is suing NY1 for fostering a sexually hostile workplace, but execs of the cable channel deny the charges. Keanu Reeves chatted up a cheesy blonde. Grey’s Anatomy star Katherine Heigl spent $6,920 shopping on Saturday afternoon. Columnist Mark Steyn compares the group who drafted the 9/11 Commission Report to the group who attended Liza Minnelli’s wedding. George Clooney once got his mother a table saw for Christmas.
Baby Deutsch, Baby TrumpLindsay Lohan flipped out at a GQ-sponsored dinner because she was seated next to Jessica Biel’s assistant — who used to work for Lindsay. (Related: Lohan has merely been in three car accidents, not four). Russell Crowe was dumped by his publicist, may have done something to warrant a late-night trip to a Santa Fe emergency room. Jay McInerney and Anne Hearst eloped, to honeymoon in the same spot that TomKat did. 60 Minutes to run more stories from other reporters (including A-Coop) to fill Ed Bradley’s slots. Bill O’Reilly will host an anti-immigration fund-raiser in Soho. Donny Deutsch will have a baby Deutsch. Michael Richards isn’t technically a member of the tribe, though he does like to think of himself as one. (Actually, he’s a Freemason!) Tony Parker and Eva Longoria got engaged. D’you hear? The founders of Spy have a book out. The chairman of Walt Disney Studios got a cheap laugh at a media conference making a joke about the Post, the Post reports. The Bachelor took the woman who won his heart for burgers at P.J. Clarke’s. Sheryl Crow is the new face of Revlon. Chazz Palminteri, of A Bronx Tale fame, is trying to bring his cabaret show to Broadway. Donald Trump Jr. spent more than $3,000 on a crib.
Oh, Rats!Suge Knight on Snoop Dogg (who was arrested again Tuesday, this time with drugs and a gun in his possession): “He’s a rat. I don’t like rats.” Al Gore on Britney Spears’s refusal to wear underwear: “No comment.” Kelis on why gay men love her: “I’m like a gay man’s purse.” Candace Bushnell says Jay McInerney is very serious about sex. 50 Cent thinks Oprah caters to middle-aged white American women because “she’s become one herself.” Gambling-minded investors want to take over New York’s racetracks; horse purists aren’t happy. Lindsay Lohan has been attending AA meetings in Los Angeles. For exhaustion, of course. Andrew Cuomo forced two of his campaign operatives to pull out of a panel on politics. Naomi Campbell was going to be in a movie, but she made too many demands. Fabian Basabe avoided Amy Sacco recently because he’s suing her. Danny Meyer to open a Union Square Cafe in Tokyo. Sean Connery stood to make almost half a billion dollars from the Lord of the Rings trilogy, but he declined to play Gandalf. A month ago, Kid Rock went to a strip club, drank a lot. Matt Lauer held a door open for a woman with a stroller. Julianne Moore is so nervous about the opening of her new play she can’t eat. Michael Jackson watched the new Bond flick in his hotel room.
O.J. Simpson, Now the Get of the CenturyNews execs are desperate to get O.J. Simpson to do a primetime interview about his canceled primetime interview with Judith Regan, his lawyer says. Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock are breaking up over, um, Borat. Really. Owen Wilson was diamond-ring shopping. Quoth Britney Spears: “I gave birth for 2 1/2 years, and now I want to party” (with Paris Hilton, no less). In other Hilton news, Lindsay Lohan is mad at rumors that Paris dumped a drink on her, despite the fact that she’s the one who spread them. Despite the hype, Bobby didn’t do so well at the box office over Thanksgiving. Jay McInerney offers Dan Aykroyd wine advice; Aykroyd to sing at McInerney’s wedding in return. Longtime Brooklyn lovebirds Michelle Williams and Heath Ledger might soon be getting married. Who will be the 2006 “Media Person of the Year”? (Our money’s on Stephen Colbert.) Former Post editor-in-chief Ken Chandler to quit the newspaper biz and get into consulting. The lovely folks of Darien, Connecticut, bid on a bunch of stuff from Moby’s youth at an estate sale. Busta Rhymes booked a hotel room in Miami, was a no-show. Derek Jeter is still hitting on Jessica Biel; Jay-Z is still hating on Cristal. Cindy Adams’s criticism of the new Bond flick: The first ten minutes are “unrelenting shoot-em-up” (uh, Cindy, it’s a James Bond movie). Also, Adams is the only person in the world who doesn’t find Daniel Craig sexy. Kiefer Sutherland’s kill-count on 24 last season: 38.
Andy Bugs Bill?Andrew Cuomo appointed a former foe of Bill Clinton’s to his transition committee, and “Page Six” insists the Clintons aren’t thrilled. Casey Johnson threw a designer a Fashion Week party in exchange for a fur coat, didn’t get the fur coat, and then complained about it. Nas cheated on, beat his ex-wife, according to the ex-wife. An unnamed New York Met may have fallen for a blonde stripper. Jessica Simpson lost out on a Vanity Fair cover and a Miu Miu campaign because of her hairdresser. Anderson Cooper went to Brazil, chatted up a good-looking man. Walter Cronkite’s summertime chef is trying to write a tell-all book about him. Dan Aykroyd asked Jay McInerney to taste-test a bunch of wines he is producing. L.A. Clipper Elton Brand produced a Werner Herzog film. Liv Tyler likes South Carolina because she can smoke anywhere. Yahoo!’s Terry Semel could battle Jeff Zucker for NBC’s top slot, says Cindy Adams. Looking for Christmas gifts for your PETA-member friend? Adopt a chimp! (Related: Boycott Pom brand pomegranate juice.)