J-Vanka a Step Closer to Jew-VankaIvanka’s found a controversial rabbi to oversee her conversion so she can finally marry Jared Kushner and create perfect, Chosen offspring.
Now We’ll Get to See Even More of the Naked CowboyThe scourge of Times Square is getting his own reality-TV show. Meanwhile, a Cadwalader partner sues over the mold in his Hamptons house, and the ‘Times’ thinks we care too much about people’s personal lives (can’t imagine why), and more, in our daily roundup of industry news.
Chace Crawford Had His 23rd-Birthday Party This WeekendOur invite must have gotten lost in the mail. Meanwhile! Mean jellyfish continue to spoil summer fun! Aretha never reached the beach! And Howard Stern and his fiancée looked so tall this weekend! There was so much going on in the Hamptons … honey, where were you?
Jerry Seinfeld, American HeroJerry Seinfeld is not only lucky to be alive after his car accident in the Hamptons this past weekend, he is also apparently … a hero?
in other news
Jerry Seinfeld Loses Funny in Car AccidentJerry Seinfeld valiantly attempted to come up with a joke for the Post about the car crash he got into when the brakes on his vintage Fiat failed Saturday, but it turns out that near-death experiences may not be so funny.
Another Sad Day for SchwarzmanFINANCE
• Where has all of Steve Schwarzman’s money gone? A report saying that his fund would earn less than half of what was predicted caused Blackstone’s stock price to tumble. [NYP]
• Former Countrywide Financial, Citigroup, and Merrill Lynch execs get ready to explain to Congress why they got huge paychecks as their shareholders lost billions. [DealBook/NYT]
• Financier Carl Icahn ups his stake in Motorola. [DealBook/NYT]
in other news
‘Crain’s’ Introduces Us to Cute New New Yorkers, Reveals Secrets About OthersLike anyone else, we love 40-under-40 lists. Browsing them is like browsing Internet personal ads, except we don’t feel embarrassed for the people on them, because they didn’t place the ads themselves, and we don’t feel as embarrassed for ourselves, because you know, we’re not really looking. So, after we got over the searing disappointment of not being on Crain’s 40-under-40 list (for some reason they only picked rich, good-looking, successful people!), we enjoyed perusing the video profiles of some of the cute New Yorkers on it. Such as Frédéric de Narp, the CEO of Cartier North America, who gestures with his hands and appears to be totally not wearing a wedding ring is totally unfortunately married; Robert Hammond, the co-founder of Friends of the High Line, who’s so nerdy-cute that we almost forgot how much the publicity surrounding the High Line bugged us; and Pilar Guzman, the editor-in-chief of Cookie, who is so appealing that we almost forgot we hate children! This being what it is, the videos are short on juice, but we did glean a few things.
it happened this week
Differences of OpinionWhile political watchers spent last week looking ahead to primaries in Ohio and Texas, the candidates engaged in a serious debate — over a photo of Barack Obama wearing Somali clothing. (An Obama staffer claimed Hillary Clinton had leaked the shot to make him look Islamic; Clinton’s campaign manager said no one had claimed the photo was “divisive” until Obama and his new friend at the Post played it up.) Latecomer Ralph Nader, unsafe at any speed as far as most liberals are concerned, moseyed into the presidential race. Connecticut senator Christopher Dodd backed Obama; Jersey governor Jon Corzine rushed to aid the Clintons in Cleveland.
Eric Nederlander Just Can’t WinBroadway scion Eric Nederlander is divorcing his second wife just seven weeks after having a daughter with her. Theodora Richards is now vice-president of creative direction at some jeans company. Maxim gave Nas’s new album two and a half stars despite the fact that it’s not even done yet. (They did the same thing to the new Black Crowes record.) Grey’s Anatomy star Sara Ramirez flipped out at a midtown bar after a female fan chatted up her boyfriend. Lorne Michaels is in talks with a major Vegas casino to create a live SNL revue starring former popular cast members.
Seinfeld Loves BozoJerry Seinfeld says the first comic he found funny was Bozo the Clown. Model Agyness Deyn celebrated her 25th birthday at Don Hills by throwing cake at the crowd. Neil Strauss offers pick-up tips to Rush and Molloy. Pegu Club bartender Erin Williams is currently in Kittila, Lapland, competing in the tenth annual Finlandia Vodka Cup. Diff’rent Strokes star Gary Coleman got married to a Utah redhead a foot taller and eighteen years younger (and he lost his virginity – thanks for ruining our breakfast, “Page Six”!).
The ‘Post’ Has a Giant, Crazy CrushOkay. We love the Post. We really do. And not even just the ironic way we “loved” it yesterday when a homeless person in a wheelchair was masturbating on the subway while we were on our way to work, and his shoe fell off and nobody on the train even noticed. Like, we actually look forward to the Post every day. But we have to say, there’s something a little demented about its Giants coverage. At the beginning of the week, the tabloid devoted its entire cover to a Jessica Simpson look-alike, who they claim distracted Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo into losing Sunday’s game (Romo, for those of you lucky enough not to know, is dating the real Simpson and she’s been credited with giving him bad luck when she attends games). This one stunt wasn’t enough, though. They took the poor girl to New York this week on a victory tour, with an online video on Tuesday and another article on Wednesday.
And now today, the paper has another superstitious trick up its sleeve. After reports that the manager of a TV station in Green Bay, Wisconsin, will yank Eli Manning’s favorite show, Seinfeld, from the airwaves while the Giants are in town to play the Packers, the Post talked Jerry Seinfeld himself into sending the Giants quarterback a complete DVD set. Seinfeld said he’d also be “dispatching George Costanza to be the new traveling secretary for the Packers.” (Those of you who are fans of the show will get the reference.) It’s funny coverage, sure, but it’s just kind of getting lazy at this point. In fact, one of the “Giants fans” they quoted at the end of the article works for the Post. Come on, guys. Isn’t there a brilliant pun headline you could have come up with instead of all of this? Or maybe a Photoshopped picture of Tom Brady’s head on McLovin’s body?
YADDA YADDA YADDA [NYP]
Related Which Episode of ‘Seinfeld’ Should Eli Watch Before He Loses to the Packers? [Vulture]
From the Beginning, Donald Was a One-NamerSince this summer, the magazine Mental Floss has been running an online feature called “The First Time News Was Fit to Print,” in which they look up in the New York Times archives the first instances the Paper of Record mentioned people or items that are famous today (Woody Allen, for example, first appears in 1962 under the headline: “Young Men’s Hebrew Association Presents 2nd Jazz Concert”). Today they ran an all–New York edition, which reveals some gems:
• January 28, 1973: The big change in Fred Trump’s operations in recent years is the advent of his son, Donald Donald, who was graduated first in his class from the Wharton School of Finance of the University of Pennsylvania in 1968, joined his father about five years ago. He has what his father calls “drive.” He also possesses, in his father’s judgment, business acumen. “Donald is the smartest person I know,” he remarked admirably. “Everything he touches turns to gold.”
in other news
Remembering Seinfeld’s Glory Days, on the KibbutzJerry Seinfeld is off promoting his Bee Movie in Israel, and while speaking with reporters in Tel Aviv, he cracked a joke about how he was much better received this time around than when he came to the country to work on a kibbutz when he was 17. “I would be in the fields, and nobody wanted my autograph and nobody wanted to take their picture with me,” he said, according to the Associated Press. “They just let me hack away at those banana leaves, and no, I didn’t meet the prime minister even once.” Oh, Jerry, you’re such a G-rated kidder. Of course they wouldn’t — hey, wait a minute. Seinfeld worked on a kibbutz? This was news to us. So we ventured out into the wilds of the Internet, only to discover that he’s been talking about his days on the farm for years now. Still, we thought the cheap joke was worth a trip down memory lane, so we dug up the relevant section of Jerry Oppenheimer’s unauthorized biography of the comedian, Seinfeld: The Making of An American Icon.
Jerry Seinfeld Tortures ‘In Style’; We Rub It In“Nobody cares about me anymore; I’m old, I’m out of it; it’s over,” Jerry Seinfeld told us last night at the premiere of the hotly anticipated Bee Movie. Hahahahaha!! See why he makes the money? He’s such a jokester! In reality, dozens of reporters were clamoring for the comedian’s attention, including a pretty blonde from In Style “Are there any beauty products you like?” she asked, earnestly. “Beauty products?” Seinfeld said, making a mock-confused face. “You might wait till the women come along for that question,” he said. “This isn’t Queer Eye for the Straight Guy!” Ha! In Style looked genuinely confused. “But ” she said, looking sadly at her tape recorder. “Do you have something that you do before you come on the red carpet?” Seinfeld gamely tried to answer. “I like to have my wallet with me,” he said. “George Burns’s first rule of show business is always take your wallet onstage with you. Because people backstage seem nice, but you never know.” Right? We hear that Renée Zelleweger has sticky fingers. It was perhaps not the answer that In Style expected. She made one final attempt. “How do you feel about plastic surgery?” she asked. “Good!” Seinfeld said. “Really good. As long as it’s not mine. I don’t want to get any.” In Style was not amused. “Thanks,” she said, and shuffled away. —Ben KawallerIn Style wasn’t the only one who had a rough time on the red carpet last night. Click here to read an interview in which New York’s Ben Kawallar tanks big-time with Bee Movie directors Simon J. Smith and Steve Hikner.
Cisco Adler Plops Down Near Another Hot BlondeA-Rod and ur-agent Scott Boras dined at Nello’s. Eva Mendes hopped in the wrong limo. New York’s First Lady Silda Wall Spitzer told attendees of a More-magazine convention that the best advice she ever got was “either piss or get off the pot.” Cisco Adler and Lydia Hearst were cozy at Bungalow 8. Jann Wenner was widely mocked at the 30th reunion party of the Rolling Stone staff from 1977 (everyone gave him the finger in the group photo, and no one drank the Champagne he sent). Joaquin Phoenix hung up on a reporter from Time Out after she asked him what he did to prepare for his roles. Single-again Nick Cannon hung out with a bunch of beauty-pageant queens at Tenjune.
Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld Are a Little GrossAnderson Cooper talks to his young gay friends about AIDS. Jerry Seinfeld brags about the time Jessica Seinfeld touched a stick covered in urine to his bed pillow. Meanwhile, ex-Seinfeld producer Larry David couldn’t be happier he’s lost the ball and chain. Liz Smith finds Charlie Sheen more palatable than Denise Richards. Notorious PR pit bull Pat Kingsley has “FINALLY” resigned from PMK-HBH — or is she being “pushed out?” Donald Trump called both Mark Cuban and Dan Rather “losers” in the same day. That is, like, his
The Lohans: Reunited and It Feels So SoberDemi Moore freaked out at the Miss Sixty fashion show when she found out her driver couldn’t bring her car around. Kathleen Wiley thinks the Clintons stole a manuscript of her new book, which she says contains information that could damage Hillary’s presidential bid. A photo of jet-riding “Money Honey” Maria Bartiromo and husband Jonathan Steinberg in Hamptons magazine happens to be opposite an ad titled, “Planning on Having an Affair?” Liza Minelli will sing the national anthem before the U.S. Open men’s final because everyone else will be at the VMAs. Vanessa Hudgins’ rep confirmed that the nude photo of her that’s making the rounds is authentic. Kim Porter may still love Diddy, exhibited by the fact that she gazed into his eyes at Tenjune.
Insurance-Man BluesWoody Allen once had to drop Winona Ryder and Robert Downey Jr. from a movie because no one would insure them — just like Lindsay Lohan is getting dropped because no one will insure her. 50 Cent claimed that he’ll no longer put out any solo albums if Kanye West’s Graduation outsells his record when they both debut on September 11. In Jay McInerney’s latest book, Evelyn’s is based on now-shuttered West 9th Street speakeasy Marylou’s. Ashley Olsen says that she and sister Mary-Kate have a psychic bond and “carry the weight of each other.” Chris Rock and Jerry Seinfeld ate together at the Brooklyn Diner. Cheryl Tiegs likes to play hard-to-get with guys.
Gore ’08!Michael Moore may support Al Gore for president. A theater in the HBO building was named for former network chief Michael Fuchs, and Fuchs gave a weird, bad, awkward speech at the ceremony. Jerry Seinfeld is very excited about his upcoming Bee Movie. 50 Cent is very excited about playing a drug dealer opposite Robert De Niro and Al Pacino in his upcoming movie. A lot of racehorse owners are not pleased with Eliot Spitzer’s plan for Aqueduct to be government-run. David Burke took home $10,000 after beating Bobby Flay and Sam Talbot in a poker tournament in Aspen. Jimmy Fallon wants to lose weight. “Utter pandemonium” broke out, says a “Page Six” source, after Debra Messing, Mike Nichols, and other guests were rained upon during the Public Theater’s premiere of Romeo and Juliet in Central Park. (Actually, we thought it was pretty fun.) Ian Claus dedicated his first book to Chelsea Clinton.
Will Someone Please Call Family Services on Dina Lohan?Dina Lohan, the “white Oprah,” is in talks to do a reality show for E! in which she’ll try to turn her two youngest kids into stars. And Lindsay’s DUI arrest made it tough for underage girls to get into L.A. clubs after the MTV Movie Awards. Michael Moore has lost 30 pounds eating whole grains and sleeping more. Harvey Weinstein is an investor at Bungalow 8 doorman Armin Amiri’s new club, Socialista. Angelina Jolie is spending time with her children at the expense of spending time with Brad Pitt. Gwyneth Paltrow and David Byrne are bad tippers. Cameron Diaz gave André Balazs a neck rub.
Mama Don’t PreachMadonna won’t let her daughter dress like, well, Madonna. The U.N. campus has a pretty serious rodent-and-eel problem. Rockefeller Center and Chrysler Building owner Jerry Speyer is proficient with a yo-yo. Oscar presenter Jerry Seinfeld has been asked to host the Oscars next year but can’t because of a movie obligation. “The Secret” is Hollywood’s new Scientology/Kabbalah. Martha Stewart just bought an unfinished apartment in the West Village for $16 million. Someone stole one of Karl Lagerfeld’s Chanel dresses and sent it to Courtney Love to wear. Kathie Lee Gifford has as soft spot for Britney Spears, though her son fancies Paris. Mark Ruffalo is far nicer to the press than he needs to be.
the morning line
We’ve Got a Lot of What It Takes to Get Along
• We’ve been good little New Yorkers, and we’re getting a $1 billion tax cut. Mayor Bloomberg has unveiled his talking points for tonight’s State of the City address, and an upbeat bunch they are: a booming economy, a $2 billion surplus, and his own 75 percent approval rating. [amNY]
• Barack Obama is officially in the running for ‘08, and the Post picks the unusually restrained “Barack Is On Track” while the News goes nearly incomprehensible with “Hil Better Not Look Barack.” [NYP, NYDN]
• A lawyer is suing Sullivan & Cromwell, one of the city’s most prominent law firms, for discriminating against him because he was gay and retaliating when he lodged an internal sexual-harassment complaint. What is this, 1993? [NYP]
• Naomi Campbell pleaded guilty to throwing a cell phone at her maid. The move resulted in a sentence of five days of community service, which Campbell will eventually get around to (after fashion shows in “California, Brazil, London, Paris and Milan.”) [NYT]
• And in another celebrity-justice vignette, Jerry Seinfeld was ordered to pay $100,000 to his real-estate broker, whom he stiffed after she refused to give him a house tour on Shabbat. Strange, this sounds like more of a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode. [Newsday]