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  1. early and often
    Ted Cruz Says He Won’t Ban DildosStockpiling sex toys in anticipation of a Cruz win in November no longer seems necessary.
  2. gross things
    Sometimes You Just Need to Masturbate While Driving a Bus Full of PeopleApparently.
  3. neighborhood news
    Man Seeks to Pleasure Himself in Every NYC StarbucksEw. Also unfunny.