A Fannypackahontas Bought Her Outfit for $24 in Trinkets
Species: The Fannypackahontas.
Etymology: A Fannypackahontas takes her fashion cues from a tribe that is clearly not her own (unless of course she’s actually one-sixteenth something or other); she steals her look and style from Native Americans, making her a latter-day Peter Minuit. (Haven’t these people suffered enough?)
Distinguishing characteristics: Fannypackahontases wear, well, fanny packs, a trend that should never have been resurrected. Unlike your grandmother’s nylon sack, however, this one is all leather and sterling silver, even with studs, baby. The unfortunate placement of the fringe is intentional: Fannypacks worship one other idol, and that is Samantha from Sex and the City. The blonde hair, the come hither stance, the completely sheer top (and that is a top, not a dress), the exposed nips — this girl knows what she wants and, damn it, she wants it now. We should note that these women do have one thing going for them: great shoes.
Known locales: Kokopelli, loading up on more bangles; Rodeo bar.
Diet: Dakota bison burgers, anything with cactus in it, peyote.
How to approach: “So, what’s in your pack?” Of course, you probably don’t want to know.
Endangerment status: At risk. Remember what happened to the Lenape? —Amina Akhtar
the morning line
We’re All Going to Die, B-Movie Style
• A man carrying a rare, lethal, and contagious form of tuberculosis was thrown into an “isolation unit” at Bellevue after jetting to Paris, Prague, and Montreal despite a CDC order not to travel. [NYDN]
• Rudy Giuliani celebrated his 63rd birthday the way presidential candidates do — with a bunch of fund-raisers (in Queens, the Bronx, Staten Island, and Brooklyn but, oddly, not Manhattan). September 11 victims’ families jeered him at two of the events. [NYP]
• After Reuters fetched $17 billion, rumors swirl that Mayor Mike may be putting Bloomberg LP on the block. Of course, that would fit well with the presidential- ambitions theory. A tiny side note: Fox News confuses “eponymous” with “euphonious.” [Fox News]
• We’re familiar with the outrage that Martha Stewart’s attempt to trademark “Katonah” caused in the eponymous (watch and learn, Fox News) village, but what about the people the village is named for, Native Americans? Surprise: They’re pissed off, too. [NYT]
• And, forget that Park Slope brownstone — what you should have invested in ten years ago was a taxi medallion. The price of the thing tripled in the last six years, hitting $600,000 and likely heading for the $1 million mark. [Metro NY]
Are the Navajo the Next Soccer Moms?So much for soccer moms and Nascar dads — Navajo leaders might be a key demographic presidential candidates should target. “A lot of us leave it up to the Navajo nation to make the decision for us,” Native American actor Adam Beach told us last week at the premiere party for HBO’s Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee, in which he stars. He’s a Canadian, but he told us Native Americans in the United States tend to vote as a bloc, and they all look to the Navajo for guidance. “The Navajo nation is a very powerful nation when it comes to tradition, when it comes to language, when it comes to maintaining their identity,” he said during the party at the Museum of Natural History on the Upper West Side. “And as a people they’re very well connected with each other. So when they elect, it’s as a whole nation. No other nation is as collectively put together, so we’re very much with their decision.” But Hillary, Obama, and Rudy shouldn’t get worried they’ve missed their chance. In fact, they’ve got plenty of time to lock up this vote, Beach said. “It comes around to the actual week, you know?” —Bennett Marcus