Why Heatherette Canceled Their Show: Our ReasonsWe love, love, love Heatherette — even though their show is a glamorous debacle every year, and even though we’re not always sure where to buy their clothes. Traver Raines and Richie Rich, the house’s creative team, are nice, fun, energetic, and brilliant. Every season their train wreck of an exposition is the highlight during Fashion Week. That’s why we are hit hard by the news that they won’t be showing this February. They were supposed to show at Roseland Ballroom this year, too, which would have meant that everyone could have come, and the after-party would have been glorious. We’re trying to find out why they’ve bailed (they “prefer not to comment,” but we’ll get it out of them — we run with the same gays, after all), but in the meantime, we’ve compiled a top ten list of reasons they might have called off the show:
1) They’re only doing a “Cruise” collection this year.
2) They, like so many other small fashion houses, fell victim to great glitter shortage of 2008.
3) The only chaps they could find had asses.
4) Tinsley ate something.
5) Boy Meets Boy went back on the air.
6) A six-foot-eight drag queen has Richie and Traver locked up in a basement somewhere in the Village because she didn’t get into their last fashion show, even though she WAS INVITED.
7) Lady Bunny ate Lydia Hearst. Totally kidding. She flossed with her.
8) Someone actually wanted to buy something from last season’s show, and they had to figure out how to make it again.
9) Richie broke an axle. On his roller skate.
10) Their Amanda Lepore popped.
Heatherette Cancels Fashion Show [Fashionista]
party lines
Traver Rains Loves Him Some Cow BallsAll this time we thought that Traver Rains’s ever-present cowboy hat was just an affectation. It turns out that the silent half of fashion-design duo Heatherette — maybe he just can’t get a word in when partner Richie Rich is around? — is a real Marlboro man. “I grew up in Montana on a cattle ranch,” Rains told us at the Lunchbox Auction at Saatchi & Saatchi on Thursday. Really? Does he know how to, like, rustle or wrangle or whatever one does to cattle? “Rope. Yeah,” he said, all Heath Ledger–like. “I spent more time on a horse than not, growing up. I was Brokeback before Brokeback was cool.” One of the specialties that ranchers rustle up around the campfire, Rains says, is Rocky Mountain oysters. And those are? “It’s fried cow balls. After they’re snipped,” Rains told us, covering his mouth and giggling coyly. We were, for once, speechless. “Um, they’re like, fried, breaded, um, you know the things hushpuppies! That’s what they remind me of.” Alas, Rains moved to New York in 1999 and has not eaten Rocky Mountain oysters since. He doesn’t know of a place that serves them in the city. “That would be fun,’ he said. “I would love to take my friends out and torture them with that.” —Bennett Marcus
Related: We can solve this problem! Where to Get Cow Balls [Grub Street]
gossipmonger
Brooke Astor’s Dogs Were in Danger!Not only did Brooke Astor’s son, Anthony Marshall, allegedly steal $132 million from his mom’s estate, but he also wanted to kill her dogs. The latest issue of Vanity Fair chronicles Governor Spitzer’s “troubling, tantrum-filled” first year in office. A week after her kidney infection, Mary-Kate Olsen is back to partying around town. Tony Bennett is giving a “special performance” on behalf of Hillary Clinton in New Jersey in December. Jenna Jameson and Richie Rich are opening a bar together in Chinatown. Chelsea Clinton ate at Veritas with a “very handsome, dark, Indian male companion.” David Mamet is a fan of the New York Post.
early and often
Gavin Newsom, Taking Over Where Spitzer Left OffWhen Eliot Spitzer announced this morning that he was dropping his driver’s-licenses-for-illegal-immigrants proposal, you would think that Hillary Clinton heaved a sigh of relief. After all, now no one would have an excuse to try and pin down her stance on the issue, like they did so excruciatingly in the October 3 Democratic debate. See, Hillary supported Spitzer, and his “efforts,” she has tried to clarify, but if she were president, she’d make it so that all of that was unnecessary. Of course she caught tremendous flack for being too political and not giving a precise answer about the topic, which amounted to her first serious stumble of the campaign. (Clinton wouldn’t sell out her friend and ally Spitzer by undermining his plan but also couldn’t come out strongly in favor of it, knowing full well it was a giant target for Republican terror rhetoric.) But now it’s over, right? Wrong. Just yesterday, as Spitzer began spreading the news that he was dropping his case, over in San Francisco, Mayor Gavin Newsom was helping to pass very similar legislation. The West Coast city will begin issuing I.D.’s to everyone, including those in the U.S. illegally, so that people can better open bank accounts, get insurance, and access law enforcement. Gavin Newsom, of course, is a pal and California co-chair of Hillary’s campaign. So if Republican critics (and Democrat opponents) want to keep tearing at her for her flimsy position on the issue, well, they have another excuse. Man, Hillary’s the last person in this campaign who we thought would get in trouble because of all her friends.
S.F. supervisors approve ID cards for residents [San Francisco Chronicle]
party lines
Isn’t It Ironic? Alanis Embarrassed by Own SongsAlanis Morrisette, in from L.A. for the Adrienne Shelly Foundation benefit, had loose blonde curls and a West Coast attitude toward the writers strike. “I support writers in being compensated well, so I’m all for it,” she said. She’d even support a songwriters strike, if anyone felt like starting one. “I’m on one right now,” she laughed. It’s true, we haven’t heard anything from Alanis in a while, although Jagged Little Pill remains inescapable. How does Alanis cope when that song she supposedly wrote about the guy from Full House comes on in a public place? “Whenever that happens, I look up to see if anyone’s staring at me to see if I should feel awkward,” she said. “After that, I hightail it out of there.” It’s fine when she’s not around, though. “If it’s playing and a family member or loved one hears it, I tell them it’s my way of saying hi to them when I’m not around.” Aw. That’s sweet! So next time we hear her screaming, “Are you thinking of me when you fuck her?” over the speakers at the gym, we’ll know that it’s just Alanis sending her regards. —Amy Preiser
neighborhood watch
Should Stuyvesant Heights Secede?Bushwick: This blogger hates on gritty Bed-Stuy, claiming that it’s nothing compared to its slicker, ‘shwick-er neighbor. That’s harsh, but maybe he’s right to suggest that pretty Stuy Heights secede from the rest of the hood. [BushwickBK]
Chelsea: Even before 100 Eleventh Avenue developers could obscure Knox Martin’s landmark mural next door, they’ve covered his signature with their ad. It’s a proto-dis! [Chelsea Blog]
Coney Island: An ice-skating rink at the base of the Wonder Wheel? That’s bigger than Wollman? That’s a summertime sailing pond? Yes, yes and yes! [NY1 via Only the Blog Knows Brooklyn]
in other news
Ashley Olsen: Best Show-and-Tell EverWhen most kids bring something in for Show-and-Tell, it’s something from their home. A pet, perhaps, or a rock collection. Something that’s in their house and part of their regular life, that other people might not know about. Also, usually it’s small and portable. So it’s no surprise that when it came to 6-year-old little Isabella (daughter of Lance) Armstrong’s turn to do Show-and-Tell, she decided to bring in Ashley Olsen. Radar reports that the little girl toted in daddy’s new special friend. “Celebrities do this all the time,” Radar’s spy explained — and it’s true! Lance himself was once a Show-and-Tell item for his ex-girlfriend Tory Burch’s young son in New York. Now, to be completely fair, according to Radar, the story might not be completely accurate. It may have been Isabella’s twin sister Grace who brought in the former Full House star. (Wait. They’re twins, and the Olsens are twins. Showtime synergy!). Since Radar doesn’t provide much more information, we’ve imagined what little Isabella’s introduction would be like.
in other news
Katie Couric, ‘This Tart Is Ready to Go’
We can’t tell if this clip of Katie Couric preparing for a Nashville broadcast is real or an awesome, purposeful spoof on Dan Rather’s unfortunate trench-coat video of last year. Either way, it’s a brilliant piece of daytime cinema, in which Katie fumbles with her own coat issues while talking smack about Rather (“Heh, I’m like Dan Rather on You Tube … What? Don’t you think he deserves a little payback?”), snorts, decries “nursing home” lighting, mourns her missing Uggs, and calls the production guys “dude” and “bro.” As in, “I’m serious, you’re moving the camera all around. I’m like, bro, what up.” We’ve never loved her more.
company town
Bloomberg’s Baby Problems: They Just Keep Popping OutFINANCE
• Another woman joined the federal discrimination lawsuit against Bloomberg LP. After her first child in 2005, her pay fell and her colleagues turned into sharks. One supervisor even asked, “What is this, your third baby?” [NYT]
• More of the same on the Street: Bank of America wrote down $3 billion, Bear Stearns $1.2 billion, and British bank HSBC took the cake with $3.4 billion, largely due to U.S. mortgage weaknesses. Meanwhile, Goldman CEO Lloyd Blankfein laughed in everyone’s face, predicting no more write-downs (not that they lost much in the first place) at the Teflon bank. [NYP, NYT, NYT, DealBreaker]
• Is the credit crunch just like Enron all over again? So says Bethany McLean, the reporter who first broke Ken Lay’s fraud wide open. [Fortune]
company town
Heatherette Honcho Throws Weirdly Normal Birthday PartyFASHION
• Heatherette designer Traver Rains turned 30! And, apparently, his “Wild West” surprise party started on time and everyone invited actually got inside. [Fashionista]
• Calvin Klein has high hopes that CK in2u will replicate the success of CK One. [NYT]
• Giorgio Armani will design uniforms for Russell Crowe’s Australian rugby team. [British Vogue]
gossipmonger
Choose Your Own Gossip Adventure!Rush and Molloy let you write your own Lindsay Lohan item. Larry King used to gamble, owes a lot of people in Miami money, according to a new book. Art-mag publisher Louise MacBain has not yet made her annual $50,000 donation to the Watermill Foundation. Richie Rich’s new boyfriend is causing trouble for Heatherette staffers. Paris Hilton dropped her best friend Kim Kardashian because Kim was getting too popular. Lydia Hearst threw an award statue into the crowd at the Paper magazine Nightlife Awards, because Moby told her to. Jennifer Connelly gained some perspective shooting Blood Diamond in Africa. Before arriving at the Casino Royale premiere attended by Queen Elizabeth, VIPs had to memorize a pamphlet on royal protocol. The cover of Vanity Fair’s “Hollywood” issue feature Brits Kate Winslet and Helen Mirren but not Cate Blanchett. Newly single Kid Rock may be back with his ex-girlfriend. Drew Barrymore still wears Uggs. Cindy Adams loves Will Smith’s new movie, does not love Mel Gibson’s. A mausoleum for Fidel Castro is being built on a mountaintop in Cuba. Former Facts of Life star Kim Fields is preggers. Joan Collins loves to sign autographs for fans, despite a recent “Page Six” item to the contrary. A kosher steakhouse opened in L.A.; Mel Gibson and Michael Richards have yet to dine there.
