Park Slope Parents Are Aflutter Over Toys in BabelandOne might think that Park Slope mommies, who have a reputation for uptightness, might be concerned about Little Phineaus wanting to go check out the colorful Rabbits when Toys in Babeland opens a few blocks from the Gymboree on Bergen Street. That’s what the Post thought, anyway, when they headlined an article about the opening “SEX-TOY SHOP HAS BAD VIBES IN PARK SLOPE” and indicated that residents were displeased. On the contrary! “This is seriously the best news I’ve heard in months,” wrote one poster to the Brooklynian message board. “No longer will I have to hear the plaint ‘Where can a girl go to get a decent strap-on round here???’” said a commenter on Brownstoner, where posters were affronted by the Post’s assumption that Slopers parents are too uptight for kinky sex. In fact, they’re downright kinky! “My wife and I have a weird thing goin,” shared an anonymous commenter. “I pretend I’m Marty Markowitz and she’s Randi Weingarten. Our slave boyfriend, The What, is tied up to a big statue of Atlantic Yards. It gets kinky from there.”
Find the Perfect Man With Our Male-Model Manual
If the delicious cornucopia pictured above didn’t already get your attention, allow us to direct you to our latest offering: men! More specifically, those newly featured in our ever-handy Model Manual, to which we’ve just added 41 male specimens. Don’t know your dreamboat’s name? No worries — he doesn’t necessarily need one, right? Plus, we’ve taken the time to organize them all by their distinctive traits, from Brazilian boys to sugar daddies. After the jump, please do enjoy a solid afternoon’s worth of lusty procrastination.
The Sexed-Up Comedian With a Boss CrushOnce a week, Daily Intel takes a peek at what your friends and neighbors are doing behind doors left slightly ajar. Today, the Sexed-Up Comedian With a Boss Crush: 26, female, Upper West Side, bisexual, in a relationship.
6 a.m.: Awaken to sensation of boyfriend’s boner pushed against my ass. Not sure if I’m in the mood. Decide to fuck him in an effort to find out.
6:15 a.m.: About to come, and then dog bursts into room and licks my face. Ironic, as we’re doing it doggy style. Incapable of coming with dog staring at me. Boyfriend comes anyway. Perv.
10 a.m.: Lady-boss tells me that I did a great job on the last project. She’s younger and hotter than I am. I contemplate ramifications of making out with her at the Christmas party in two months. If both my boyfriend and the CEO were watching, would it still be cheating/gross professional misconduct?
Noon: Lady-boss tells me I really need to speed things up on the next project. Hate criticism. Hate lady-boss. No office-party make-out for her.