Stephen Colbert Walks Off The View“You understand, Bill [O’Reilly] was talking about emotion,” he said “Bill was not talking about what the facts were.”
Drew Barrymore’s Garden TroublesThe actress, whom we loved in the HBO movie last weekend, has to contend with co-star Jessica Lange’s competition. Plus, the rest of today’s gossip!
Late-Night Hosts Take the Spitzer Ball and, Um, Dribble With It
If any good could come from the Eliot Spitzer scandal, it’s that the late-night shows have some of their best source material since Bill Clinton requested the definition of the word “is.” So with that in mind, we fired up our DVR for the most promising night of comedy in years. And boy, were we disappointed.
Letterman, predictably, was funny enough, opening his monologue by asking whether it was too soon to hit on Mrs. Eliot Spitzer, then telling a handful of jokes (“Did you happen to see the press conference? Very dramatic. Eliot Spitzer was there with yellow crime-scene tape around his pants”). The Times has a complete rundown of every joke, if you’re interested. Seated back at his desk, Letterman read off a Top Ten List of Eliot Spitzer excuses (No. 8: Just trying to help the economy!).
intel
Blogging ‘The Colbert Report’Last night, like you, we were thrilled to sit down and watch The Daily Show and The Colbert Report as they returned from their WGA–strike-induced hiatus. It was going to be great, we assumed. Either that, or it was going to suck, which would also kind of be great, in the whole “this will get us a lot of mileage by the office soda machine tomorrow” kind of way. So we tuned in, AND, in a Daily Intel first, we IMed about it with our culturally superior colleague, the Vulture blog. As it turned out, the two shows weren’t all laughs and rubber faces. In fact, The Daily Show turned out to be a bit of a tough act to swallow (and follow; as a lead-in, it must have cost The Colbert Report some viewers). Since Vulture knows more about the nuances of the writers’ strike, they are hosting our conversation about Jon Stewart’s somber effort. But below, here’s what Vulture editor Dan Kois and Intel editor Chris Rovzar had to say about last night’s glorious episode of Colbert:
Kois: HAHAHAHAH. “This is the ColberT ReporT.”
Rovzar: HAHAHA. We’re already laughing! He pronounced it the white-trashy way.
Kois: Wow.
Rovzar: Did you read that GQ story about when he changed his last name at Northwestern? I loved that.
Kois: No!
Rovzar: It used to actually be COLbert. With the “t” pronounced, when he grew up in South Carolina or whatever
Kois: So he just did it to be intentionally snooty? Awesome. ColBERTian, actually.
company town
CNBC to Roger Ailes: ‘Nanny Nanny Boo Boo’MEDIA
• Despite Roger Ailes’s declaration that Fox Business Channel would start a “revolution” against rival business channel CNBC, this war appears to have petered out after a skirmish: Only about 6,300 people a day, on average, watch the babes of FBN, compared to the 283,000 who tune in to CNBC for that dreamy hunk Charlie Gasparino. [NYT]
• Let the stunts begin! David Letterman plans to shave off his beard on the air next Monday: “Can we get a guy in here Monday to shave me? Now, a good guy, because the last time we did this, I looked like—when he was done, I looked like I’d been in a knife fight.” No word yet on whether Conan O’Brien, who’s writers unlike Letterman’s are still on strike, will lose his whiskers. Meanwhile, Nation editor Katrina Vanden Heuvel turned down Colbert’s invite to appear on his show, showing solidarity with the strikers. [NYDN, NYO]
• The Writers Guild is facing its own little labor problem: The East Coast branch’s internal staff claims that the contract they signed back in October was later changed without their permission. Let’s see, what’s that word … something writers always love. Oh, right, irony. [NYP]
in other news
Good News for Fake News: Colbert and Stewart to Return to TVThis should make those twentysomethings who have been forced to listen to NPR in the absence of The Daily Show happy. Following the lead of other night-show hosts, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have decided that, despite the ongoing writers’ strike, they’ll go back on the air January 7. “It was unclear why the two men decided to return,” the Times tells us this morning. Huh? We’re surprised the Times is fuzzy on this, because it seems pretty clear to us. If Leno, Letterman, Conan, and, for fuck’s sake, Jimmy Kimmel are going back on the air, sans writers, Stewart and Colbert, who are supposed to be funnier than any of them, can’t just, like, hide out wimpily. They may be funnymen, but they are still men.
Stewart and Colbert to Return Without Writers [NYT]
Related: News hounds pine for Comedy Central’s Jon Stewart [Newsday]
‘Daily Show’ and ‘Colbert Report’ to Return! Why Stewart Will Be Okay, But Colbert Is Screwed [Vulture]
party lines
Stephen Colbert and Nancy Pelosi Make Jokes, Nice
At the Glamour Women of the Year awards last night, Stephen Colbert exchanged jabs with honoree Nancy Pelosi. During his (in character) introduction of the Speaker of the House, he could only muster: “I am so honored to be here tonight to honor all of these honorable honorees.” (“My writers are on strike!” he cracked, moments later.) Colbert went on to praise Pelosi’s fashion — over her politics — calling her “by far the most glamorous Speaker we’ve ever had” (an accolade that received enthusiastic applause). “Whether she’s prowling the Capitol steps in a cream pantsuit, or strutting the halls of Congress in a blue pantsuit, or grudgingly clapping behind the president at the State of the Union in, say, cream pants and a blue pantsuit blazer — she always has the right accessories,” he said. “While I may disagree with everything she stands for, I will defend until death her right to” — snapping in a fashion-savvy Z — “MAKE. IT. WORK.” Pelosi took the jokes happily, (perhaps she’s over the time he kicked her virtual ass on Nintendo Wii?), but she saved a barb for him as he left the stage. “Of all the introductions I have ever received,” she said to the comedian, “yours is certainly the most recent.” —Ben Kawaller
Read what Diane Sawyer thinks is the biggest problem facing TV journalism, and other important factoids, in our complete quotable coverage of the Glamour Women of the Year Awards.
in other news
Stephen Colbert Collides With Reality, Drops CampaignComedian Stephen Colbert, after having been rejected by the South Carolina Democratic machine, has decided to let us all off the hook and drop his presidential campaign, he said today in a statement.
“I am shocked and saddened by the South Carolina Democratic Executive Council’s 13-to-3 vote to keep me off their presidential primary ballot. Although I lost by the slimmest margin in presidential election history — only 10 votes — I have chosen not to put the country through another agonizing Supreme Court battle. It is time for this nation to heal.”
Wow, we really thought we’d have to go through a lot more awkward televised interviews and tortured analysis before we saw the end of this. But Colbert, in his typically unabashed way, decided to take this opportunity to kill two birds with one stone: “I am going off the air until I can talk about this without weeping,” he said, supplying a final, strong period to this entire spectacle. Also, you know, giving himself an obvious out for the duration of the writers strike.
Colbert Ends White House Bid [NYT]
Earlier: In Defense of Stephen Colbert’s Quasi-Faux Presidential Bid
company town
Stephen Colbert Doesn’t Make the BallotMEDIA
• Hollywood and television writers have decided to strike and will announce a walk-out deadline by noon today. Late night will be most immediately effected — guess we’ll find out just how funny Jon Stewart and David Letterman really are. [NYT]
• The South Carolina Democratic executive committee rejected self-proclaimed “favorite son” Stephen Colbert’s attempt to get on the ballot. Colbert now has to accumulate 10,000 signatures to make the ballot as an independent or pay the Republicans $35,000. Tough decision. [HuffPo]
• Don Imus signed a deal with Citadel to return to radio, broadcasting on WABC in New York and syndicated nationally on ABC Radio. The I-Man had to settle for $5 million a year, half of what he made with CBS. [WSJ]
company town
Stephen Colbert Backlash: The Fall’s Hottest TrendMEDIA
• The American version of the Guardian hits our shores! [Guardian via Gawker]
• Stephen Colbert is leading Bill Richardson, Dennis Kucinich, and Mike Gravel in national polls; the media backlash has already begun. [WP, HuffPo, Gawker]
• ASME announced the finalists for the 2007 best magazine cover. They must have missed the backlash memo: Colbert is featured three times, more than any other star. [ASME]
company town
Rupert Murdoch Wins the PartyMEDIA
• News Corp. surpassed Time Warner to become the largest media company on the planet, and Murdoch held off a shareholder revolt in order to keep his family tyranny in place. [Hollywood Reporter, USAT]
• ESPN poached marquee columnist Rick Reilly from Sports Illustrated after 22 years with the mag. Dan Patrick, who SI just poached from ESPN, will take Reilly’s place at the back of the book. [NYT, Deadspin]
• Stephen Colbert took his campaign to the Tim Russert show: “This is not a dream, you are not going to wake up from this. I am far realer than Sam Brownback.” [NYT]
company town
Falling Glass a Metaphor for Bank of America’s Finances?FINANCE
• The debris falling off the new Bank of America tower at 42nd Street may have been metaphoric. The firm just reported steep losses, and their wannabe investment-banking unit, set to anchor the new tower, performed the worst. [MarketBeat/WSJ, Deal Journal/WSJ]
• Congrats, James Cayne — nobody wants anything to do with Bear Stearns. Contrary to reports, both Warren Buffett and China’s Citic Bank denied any interest in the bank. [DealBook/NYT]
• Today’s the real anniversary of the 1987 stock-market crash, but at least one veteran thinks parallels to the present are overblown. “The market is just like generals — everyone prepares for the last war.” [MarketBeat/WSJ]
intel
Rachel Sklar Available for All Your Quoting NeedsThere’s already been much ado about Charlie Gibson’s refusal to play along with Stephen Colbert’s goofy “WristStrong” campaign, and the Times article that exposed the mini-controversy. Colbert asked the Gibson and Katie Couric and Brian Williams to wear bracelets on air in order to raise awareness of “wrist violence,” and Katie and Brian, the fun anchors, are playing along. In the article Huffington Post media editor Rachel Sklar said their participation shows “good humor” and “humanity,” and then Portfolio blogger Jeff Bercovici jumped on her for it — pointing out that the whole reason people like hearing the news from Charlie Gibson is because he isn’t fun, he’s serious. But our question is why was blogger Rachel Sklar quoted as a TV news expert in the first place? Why not someone with experience in the biz who could lend more insight — or an insider? Because the article was written by young Brian Stelter, a.k.a. the wunderkind behind the blog TVNewser, that’s why. Before he was recently hired by the Gray Lady, he was Sklar’s co-worker and buddy at Mediabistro. Silly Stetler — you can’t just quote your friends. This is the Times, not the Observer!
Two Out of Three Anchors Join Colbert in Wrist Stunt [NYT]
Charlie Gibson Only Cool in the Ratings [Mixed Media]
company town
CBS’ Bill Plante Remembers Something, and Topshop Employs SlavesMEDIA
CBS News’ Bill Plante shouts after Rove and Bush: “If he’s so smart, how come you lost Congress?” Snap! [NYO]
• Graduates of journalism programs see a stalled job market. Thank golly we didn’t go to one. [Cox Center]
• Google and YouTube plan to call Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert to testify for the defense in the $1 billion suit that Viacom, the owners of Comedy Central, filed against the Internet companies. [CNet via Mediabistro]
intel
Is Bill O’Reilly’s Revenge Best Served Reheated?
If you watched January’s momentous meeting of minds, when Stephen Colbert appeared on the O’Reilly Factor and later that night O’Reilly made a reciprocal visit to the Colbert Report, you remember that Colbert preserved a memento of the world-historical event: He stole a microwave from the Fox News green room, which he displayed on his own show and then planted on his set. So you can imagine our surprise when we found ourselves in the Fox News green room last night — we were going on Red Eye, Greg Gutfeld’s absurdist-stoner take on the McLaughlin Group, and, no, we’re not proud — and saw what very much seems to be a Colbert Report microwave. We like to think there was a revenge micro-raid by the O’Reilly staff. True? Who knows. We decide; you report.
UPDATE: A reader e-mails: “Oh, New York Magazine, you disappoint me. Anyone who watches The Colbert Report knows that Colbert had that microwave sent over to Fox and had it tricked it out to with a Colbert Report logo so O’Reilly could never forget from whom it came.” Thanks, reader. And now we must confess: Colbert is on past our bedtime, and therefore we don’t watch it as often as we should. Then we look dumb.
Earlier: When Stephen Met Bill
party lines
Stephen Colbert Does Not Get Along With Public TransportationThey’re breaking ground (again) on the Second Avenue Subway today, perhaps even as we speak. In honor of the occasion, we present you with Stephen Colbert’s thoughts on the matter, which we learned at the Hoax premiere last week.
Your show’s on the West Side, not the East Side, right?
West Side. I love the East Side. I can see it from the West Side. It looks great from there.
Well, you probably won’t care, but they’re breaking ground, finally, on the Second Avenue Subway —
It’s gonna be on an ancient burial ground! Blood on the tracks. Just pools of blood, and ancient Indian spirits that smite us all! It’s gonna happen in the mid-Seventies. It was the rich people who kicked those Indians out.
in the magazine
In the Colbert Nation, We’re All Young and Invincible
Last night, Stephen Colbert devoted his show’s prime real estate — his “The Word” segment — to the “Young Invincibles,” the health-insurance-forgoing twenty- and thirtysomethings David Amsden profiled in a recent issue of New York. “This is an encouraging trend,” the faux-conservative faux-blowhard commented about Amsden’s piece, “but we have to make sure that forsaking health insurance stays sassy and rad.” With your help, Stephen, we’re sure it will. Comedy Central has the clip, and we’ve got the article.
Hip Replacement [Comedy Central]
The Young Invincibles [NYM]
gossipmonger
Kaplan to the Rescue!Former CNN and MSNBC honcho Rick Kaplan is coming to save Katie Couric’s CBS Evening News. Bono disagrees with an Ad Age’s cover story saying that his RED campaign has been a financial failure. Brandon Davis mocked Paula Abdul for having an Arabic-sounding last name. His real surname? Zarif. Two staffers quit Star’s beauty department. Leslie Stahl’s contract at 60 Minutes is almost up, and it’s unclear whether she’s staying. Stephen Colbert’s new Ben & Jerry’s flavor is called “AmeriCone.” (And we told you all about it on Tuesday.) Buddha Bar fired its CEO. Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown hung out at their kid’s birthday dinner.
party lines
Stephen Colbert’s Excruciating Brain Freeze
Last night, Stephen Colbert joined Ben Cohen and Jerry Greenfield at the Dream Hotel’s penthouse to launch the hip and hippie ice-cream company’s new flavor, Stephen Colbert’s Americone Dream. We can vouch for the product, which was served gratis to the guests: vanilla ice cream loaded with caramel and fudge-covered waffle bits. But how does the famed conservative pundit feel about being lumped in with such lefty Ben & Jerry’s flavor namesakes as Jerry Garcia, Phish, and, apparently, Willie Nelson? We discussed this and more with Stephen, Ben, and Jerry.
When you taste it, what makes you think, This is Stephen Colbert’s ice cream?
Stephen: It actually tastes like me. No one will ever find out, because I’m married, but this is what I taste like. Very sweet.
cultural capital
Indie Rockers Too Cool for Manhattan, Head to Jersey
In other Stephen Colbert–related news, we’ll mention that the Decemberists — the “hyperliterate prog-rock” band he recently battled for green-screen dominance — yesterday released their U.S. touring schedule for spring. As New York has already deemed the group about as brilliant as possible, we were a bit miffed to discover that no New York City venue made the list. But then we saw where the tour kicks off: Jersey City. Of course it does. —Lori Fradkin
Exclusive: Decemberists Announce Spring U.S. Tour [Pitchfork]
If You Lived Here, You’d Be Cool By Now [NYM]
gossipmonger
U.S. Military to Rid New York of PigeonsInk-stained journos and general ne’er-do-wells pour one out for Siberia, which closes this weekend. Kanye West: hip-hop superstar, fine-art connoisseur. If Nicole Richie’s DUI arrest holds up, she’ll serve mandatory jail time (it’s her second drunk-driving charge). Stavros Niarchos attempted to tone down Paris Hilton’s partying so he could introduce her to his parents, was — shock! — mostly unsuccessful. Travis Barker ex Shanna Moakler is now dating her Dancing With the Stars co-star (as is Mario Lopez). Angelina Jolie says she’s on the pill, plans to adopt her next child with Brad Pitt. She might want to avoid the British TV personality who gave Madonna flack for adopting her African baby. Madonna was not amused. Eighty-eight-year-old Long Island socialite and New York Botanical Garden big shot Jane Choate “doesn’t seem to understand the nature of probation.” A military-recruitment center in Times Square has created a pigeon-free green zone by electrically shocking birds that mill around the building. The president of E! is dating Chelsea Handler, one of the network’s (unfunny) stars. Stephen Colbert planned to give President Bush a “Certificate of Presidency” award at the White House press-corps gala last April, but he chickened out. British actor James Purefoy is straight, mostly. Derek Jeter may be with Jessica Biel, but gridiron star Tom Brady is no longer with Bridget Moynahan. Liz Smith says that Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year” will be a guy (either Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Kim Jong Il, Hu Jintao, James Baker, or President George Bush). Jude Law can’t afford to buy a new house because his divorce is so expensive. Sacha Baron Cohen continues to play the Borat card.
the morning line
Upstate Car Wreck Kills Couple, Breaks Hearts
• A 10-month-old girl is newly orphaned, and in critical condition, after an SUV crossed the median in Orange County and rammed her parents’ rental. That the father was the founder of Fandango.com and the mother a rising-star neuroscientist may raise the item’s profile, but the fact that they were high-school sweethearts makes it completely devastating. [NYDN]
• Affordable housing may be coming to the Lower East Side, Brooklyn Heights, Dumbo, and elsewhere: Bloomberg wants to make his tax break for developers dependent on the low-cost caveat. Ah, how times change: We remember when half of Dumbo’s inhabitants lived there for free. [NYT]
• In psycho-killer news, Mark Chapman was denied parole for the fourth time, one day after his victim John Lennon’s 66th birthday; and Andrew Goldstein, a schizophrenic who pushed a woman under the N train in 1999, pleaded guilty, saying he knew what he was doing. We guess that’s progress? [amNY, NYT]
• In what continues to be Stephen Colbert’s week of total media domination, Colbert County in Alabama opens “The Stephen Colbert Museum and Gift Shop.” Don’t read the linked article too carefully, because the author completely sells out a potentially funny bit from a future show. [Montgomery Adviser via Radar]
• New bike routes are coming to the city. Except that this is New York, not some hippy-dippy Portland, so our bike lanes are actually “shared lanes” and are basically streets with some stenciling on them. We’re sure it’s just a coincidence that these new-style stencils look like chalk outlines of flattened bikers. Right? [StreetsBlog]
