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  1. economic indicators
    Depression Can Cause Wall Street Traders to Make Bad CallsThey tend to go with the long shot.
  2. the hipster trader
    The Chillest Traders Don’t Even Know What the IRS IsMeet Marcos Bofill.
  3. whiskey dicks
    Commuters Grateful to Snowstorm for Keeping Them Away From Stifling Suburban LivesExpect an uptick in “Get warm on a cold night” ads in Casual Encounters.
  4. world’s smallest violins
    The Lament of the Laid-Off Trader“I used to have three cars.”
  5. in other news
    When Strippers AttackLast week, we learned that prostitutes can ruin you. But it’s not just hookers! Many kinds of sex workers can be dangerous. No one knows this better than Stephen Chang, a securities trader who was innocently patronizing the Hot Lap Dance Club near Madison Square Garden last November when something awful happened. The Hot Lap Dance club, as you undoubtedly know, is known as the “Playboy Mansion of Manhattan party lofts,” despite the fact that it is located in a rat-infested corridor of 38th Street near Ninth Avenue. Stephen is married, but the women who work at Hot Lap Dance were irresistible: They “are among the most beautiful women in New York City,” the Website says, and do interesting things like “lesbian (dildo) shows and all nude Sybian performances.” But don’t judge! It’s a bear market! A guy’s got to blow off steam somehow! And anyway, that Thursday at 1 a.m., Stephen was not there to partake in anything exotic. He was merely in the market for a regular old lap dance from one of the club’s many “friendly and personable” workers. Until suddenly, thing were no longer friendly and personable at all.