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  1. The Dead Are Walking As Talk of Renewed GOP Health-Care Negotiations Fills D.C.We all thought Donald Trump and Paul Ryan had buried health care as a GOP agenda item for 2017. Now there are reports talks have improbably resumed.
  2. Time for John Kasich to Fold His TentThe central conceit of his candidacy is looking increasingly bizarre.
  3. A Fatal Shooting at Florida’s ZombiCon One man was killed and five others were wounded at the festival. 
  4. Move to Missoula If You Want to Survive the Zombie ApocalypseResearchers at Cornell University advise staying away from Pennsylvania if you want to hide when the world ends.
  5. Canadian MP Blames Tight Underwear for Brief AbsenceBecause “50% off is like catnip to a Winnipegger.”
  6. zombies
    100 Braaaaains Missing From the University of Texas Have Been FoundThe zombie apocalypse is upon us.
  7. Zombie Jerry Falwell Is Roaming the Streets of AshevilleJerry Falwell died in 2007. 
  8. How to Protect the Constitution From Zombies“We do have a plan, BUT I’d have to kill you if I told you.”
  9. pranks for the memories
    A Real-Life Emergency Broadcast Warned of a Fake Zombie ApocalypsePrankenstein monster.
  10. election day
    Zombie Casts Ballot in MichiganA man in Michigan dies while voting, comes back to life, asks whether he voted.
  11. zombie planet
    Drunk Bus Driver in China Chews on Woman’s FaceOnce again: Hide.
  12. insane things
    Site of Florida Face-Eating Is Now a Tourist AttractionDefinitely not family-friendly.
  13. zombies
    Zombies Attacked Williamsburg Over the WeekendCheck out the pictures!
  14. insane things
    Apparently LSD Can Turn You Into a Face-Eating Zombie NowThis is but one possible explanation for an absolutely insane incident that happened in Miami on Saturday.
  15. photo op
    Zombies Attacking President ObamaIt’s happened a lot!
  16. braaaaaains
    Watch Zombie Mitt Romney Explain His Hunger for Braaaains Braaaaaaaaaaaains!
  17. early and awkward
    Virginia GOP Group Regrets Shooting Obama Through the HeadZombie Obama, that is.
  18. zombies
    Center for Disease Control Hopefully Joking About Zombie PreparednessHeh … right guys?
  19. zombies
    Zombie Hunter Arrested in Port Authority Bus TerminalNow we’re no longer safe from zombies coming from Toronto!
  20. weird science
    Did Life on Earth Start With a Zombie Virus From Outer Space?Necropanspermia explains it all.
  21. science is ruining our relationship with our dna
    There Are Zombies Living in Our DNAGreat.
  22. zombies
    Newsweek.com: Zombies Attack!“The undead have risen from their graves and invaded large portions of the East Coast.”
  23. cultural capital
    ‘Times’ Couplets: Undead Find You Tasty, Healthy, Too!Wherein we arrange Times headlines in verse to bring you secret truths from the paper of record. The Satire Is Biting, and So Are the Zombies Mother Nature’s Helpers Toasting the Neighbors Chasing an Old Flame, Taking No Prisoners. Channeling Group Dynamics, Fueled by the Power of Funk The Human Community Sowing the Substance of Life For Life, Sometimes. Because It’s Good for You, That’s Why! —Lizzie Skurnick