Best-Director Death Match

Photo: SGP Italia SRL/WireImage

New Yorkers rejoice! Everyone’s favorite art star–auteur–bearded madman Julian Schnabel got his first Schnomination for the Best Director Oscar this week. Some may claim that The Diving Bell and the Butterfly’s lack of a Best Picture nomination scuttles Schnabel’s chances for the Oscar, but we think it’s pretty obvious he’ll win it all. Who could possibly stand in his way?

Pro: Nearly every critic agrees he’s made a dark, challenging American classic for the ages, sure to go down in cinema history alongside the best of Ford.
Con: Rarely wears purple pajamas to parties.
Odds: 3-1

THE COEN BROTHERS, No Country for Old Men
Pro: Beloved New York auteurs returned to form with their biggest hit ever.
Con: They don’t own a hot-pink palazzo in the West Village the size of a seventeen-story building, complete with a condo purchased by Richard Gere.
Odds: 3-1

TONY GILROY, Michael Clayton
Pro: Wrote and directed an incisive film that taps into contemporary fears of corporate malfeasance.
Con: Not particularly hirsute.
Odds: 7-1

Pro: His is the biggest hit and the only feel-good movie nominated in major categories this year.
Con: Does not demand that interviewers lie down next to him to conduct interviews.
Odds: 10-1

JULIAN SCHNABEL, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Pro: Directed a film that includes not only brilliant acting and an inspirational message but also Napoleon’s niece, fully clothed, on a surfboard. Habitually shows off an enormous rhinestone-and-fake-gold necklace reading “#1.” Forgets interviewers’ names two hours into interviews. Is generally Schnabulous.
Con: None.
Odds: Even money.

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Best-Director Death Match