The Horny Editor Visiting the ’Rents

Photo: Joshua Allen; Grooming by Bryan Lynde

2 p.m. Totally uninterested in naked porn-star photo I receive with a press release. I worry that gay porn has totally desensitized me.

3:05 p.m. This guy e-mails me—he has like two boyfriends. We go out to dinner and make out occasionally; it’s way too complicated. I get horny and suggest we have a quickie tomorrow on our lunch breaks. Silence.

4: 35 p.m. In a cab to La Guardia to see the ’rents.

4:48 p.m. I text-message this guy who I was too messed up to fuck properly last weekend to see if I can get a chance to redeem myself. I have a feeling we’d make the perfect couple if either of us could actually bother to have a boyfriend.

8:52 p.m. Guy texts me back. I get a second chance.

1 a.m. At my parents’, trying to find my younger brother’s porn.

3 p.m. My ex sends a text. I start to miss him severely. This is a guy I don’t think I’ll ever quite get over.

1 p.m. Bored out of my mind. So I masturbate.

10 p.m. Jerk off again.

Illustration by Quickhoney

6:13 p.m. Dinner at my grandparents’. It’s kinda disturbing how much my sexual tastes are influenced by my uncle.

11:47 p.m. Back in New York, out partying with my buddy. All that holiday loneliness is gone, and I’m so horny my entire pelvis aches.

2:40 p.m. Running out of steam at work, so I’m checking out guys on Always lookin’, never buyin’.

Read the Full Diary

Do you regret writing your Diary?
I am just sorry that it was over Thanksgiving, which made it less fun than it could have been. There’s less material when you’re visiting the parents!

Do you think your sex life is better or worse than most New Yorkers’?
Definitely better. I think I’m basically successful at not taking sex so seriously. It’s fun, it’s play. There’s no reason to get so mired in the hang-ups.

The Horny Editor Visiting the ’Rents