In response to a recent rash of trespassers without Crimson credentials, the Harvard Club has increased security measures. It’s hoping to keep out interlopers such as Barton Jeffrey, who, like a number of presentable midtown professionals looking for a nice place to work out, hasn’t let the lack of a Harvard degree keep him out. “I didn’t think sneaking in would work, ’cause, you know, it’s the Harvard Club,” says the Boston University graduate, who was rejected by Harvard when he applied. “But they didn’t check I.D.’s, and we strolled right in and up to the gym.” Raves another non-Harvard grad who also crashes the club, “The facilities are fantastic. Excellent squash courts, steam room, and sauna—the works.” He’s made a habit of it. “One time, my friend and I, also a nonmember, were in the steam room and started talking to two older guys in there. They were like, ‘Oh, what house were you guys in?’ We didn’t want to lie, so we told them we didn’t actually go to Harvard. They seemed to be very confused as to what we were doing there.” Not as much as the Harvard Club spokesman, Lonnie Soury, who insisted that “we have excellent security at the front entrance, and will proactively check member-I.D. numbers and have them sign in at the fitness center.” One gym staffer noted that he had been told, of late, to keep an eye out for random types, whose presence he characterized as “pretty scary.” Soury himself has a more elegant solution for those dying to swap sweat with the Crimson: “Apply to grad school at Harvard.”
Have good intel? Send tips to email@example.com.