Skip to content, or skip to search.

Skip to content, or skip to search.

Comments: November 2, 2015


1. The last issue took aim at the complicated, ever-shifting terrain of sex on campus (“The Sex Lives of College Students,” October 19–November 1). Featuring interviews of and photographs by students documenting their sexual experiences, dispatches from the front lines of hookup culture and the gender-non­binary fringes, a glossary of the new sex terminology, and more, the issue received a mostly enthusiastic response from readers, who expressed surprise that it tackled campus sex with nuance and were struck by its candor. “There is no universal trend or truth about hooking up in college,” Finally, a Trend Piece About College Students That Represents … College Students,” Alison Herman wrote: “At this point, headlining a magazine feature ‘Sex on Campus’ constitutes an act of trolling … Which is why it’s so refreshing to read something like this.” Herman was especially pleased to see that the issue included “actual conversations with ­students that take them seriously as free agents rather than quote generators dispensing sensational, context-free statements to be passed around social media,” an approach she felt was missing from most stories about college sex. Another component of the issue, a poll of college students from around the country, surprised many readers (“The Sex Habits of 784 College Students,” October 19–November 1). Katie Kausch of MTV News was struck by one particular question: “Contrary to the hook-up-only narrative you see so often,” she wrote, “73% of respondents said they had been in love at least once, and 91% said they would like to get married some day. Looks like love isn’t dead after all.” Other readers took solace in the high percentage of students who reported not yet having had sex. “Well,” wrote commenter neuroticknight. “Makes me feel less intimidated about being a virgin in my 20s.”


2. One story that drew particular attention was Rebecca Traister’s exploration of bad sex that’s consensual and the tough time modern feminists seem to have addressing the power imbalances in these types of sexual experiences (“The Game Is Rigged,” October 19–November 1). Many readers were intrigued by Traister’s line of inquiry. “I’m really optimistic that the time is ripe for feminists to develop a comprehensive, cohesive, radical analysis of everything that’s shitty about the sexual culture and put forth a positive — dare I say, utopian? — alternative vision of what true sexual equality would look like,” wrote Feministing’s Maya Dusenbery. “I think it starts with being clear that consent is the very ­barest of minimums. What do we want beyond that? What is preventing us from getting it? And I think it requires bravely ‘leaning in’ to those areas where it feels like there are gaps in the current feminist analysis.” Traister herself got in on the conversation with a Q&A on Digg. One reader, dougom, asked: “Aside from individuals taking more care to please their partners, what do you suggest men do to help improve this situation?” Traister answered: “Taking more care with their partners’ pleasure is a big one! But also, consider power dynamics. Consider how they are conveyed, not only within your own relationships, but in how you communicate with friends, and with younger people, about sex.” In another exchange, spooki mane asked Traister whether good sex is a right: “It sounds as if you’re advocating that women are not only entitled to be safe and respected during sex (which I fully agree with) but also that they’re entitled to good/fun/pleasurable sex (which I think is an unrealistic and unreasonable extension of that principle). Not all sex regardless of consent is fun. And if the end goal of feminism is agency and empowerment, shouldn’t women be taking some responsibility for their own sexual pleasure?” Traister disagreed: “I know that sex is messy and uneven and you can’t regulate it to ensure it is steadily pleasurable. What I’m battling though is a larger pattern in which the pleasure is disproportionate based on gender. If we could imagine a world in which pleasures and risks were equally born, there’d still be bad sex, of course, but at least it wouldn’t be SEXIST bad.” News.com.au’s Emma Reynolds felt that the issues of consent and pleasurable sex for women are enmeshed. “As we tackle sexual violence, assault, and rape,” she wrote, “let’s not forget the even more prevalent cases of unhappy sex, where women’s needs simply don’t matter as much — which is, after all, where rape culture begins.” The Daily Beast’s Samantha Allen felt that the piece was narrow: “That NYMag piece could have done without the reductive hetero-focused history of feminist sex wars & the 3rd wave.” But many were just grateful Traister had tackled something previously unspoken. “Consensual sex can still be really fucked up,” tweeted The New Republic’s Jamil Smith. “Rebecca Traister argues, brilliantly, that we need to talk about that more.”


Related: