1. Sexaholix
Chances are your most troubling family memories will rise up as John Leguizamo gyrates through his own kooky history. At least it wasn’t your lesbian aunt whose advice to you about women was “Just check the oil and ring the bell.” (Royale Theatre, 242 West 45th Street; 212-239-6200.)
2. Puppetry of the Penis
Two Aussies practicing the not-so-ancient art of “penile origami,” producing likenesses of emus, hamburgers, and the Loch Ness Monster. (John Houseman Theatre, 450 West 42nd Street; 212-239-6200.)
3. Naked Boys Singing
It’s been described as “Giuliani-proof, good clean fun,” but the journalist who said so must not have been in the front row. Eight cute guys perform a full-monty revue of songs like the hilarious ditty “Bliss of a Bris.” (No knives are involved.) (Actor’s Playhouse, 100 Seventh Avenue; 212-239-6200.)
4. The Donkey Show
Porn cable host Robin Byrd emcees this disco version of A Midsummer Night’s Dream on Wednesdays, but every night’s beglittered cast includes a spangled Titania, boogying down. We doubt the Bard would mind (much). (El Flamingo, 547 West 21st Street; 212-307-4100.)
5. True Love
A modern Phaedra pines for her shirtless 13-year-old stepson. Nudity and dirty words are involved. Also a live chicken, in a (strictly nonsexual) cameo. (The Zipper, 336 West 37th Street; 212-239-6200.)