Not even the presence of Sylvia Syms can make up for the absence of Shelley Winters as Our Lady of the Water Wings in this hyper remake about an ocean liner turned turtle, upside down and gurgling. So they’ve added an Arab-terrorist subplot, allowing us to follow Homeland Security hard guy Adam Baldwin into the same cruise-ship pleasure domes where Rutger Hauer is wondering whether he still believes in God, Steve Guttenberg is trying to decide if adultery is worth it, Bryan Brown’s idea of a reality show for Tinarie Van Wyk includes Brown’s own bed, and Alex Kingston at British intelligence must save the lot from waterlogged jihad. As in the original, ingenuity matters more than acting, plus there are grenades and fins. One lovely touch: The name of the captain, played by Peter Weller, is Paul Gallico, which is the name of the guy who wrote the original novel.
8 to 11 P.M., NBC