Menace II Society

Changes George Lucas is considering to ensure stronger reviews for the next Star Wars installment:

* Criticproof Judi Dench adds accent and luster as Oskariaa, matriarch of besieged peaceful kingdom of Plithkarn.

* To assuage critic Robert Hughes, who called The Phantom Menace “one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen,” galaxy is spared annihilation by derring-do of motorbike-riding, gun-toting, Chardonnay-swilling art critic.

* Tired Yoda presence replaced by Christopher Reeve, making big-screen comeback – in first post-accident walking role – as wise and beneficent emperor Scooby-Wan Zaidae.

* Seinfeld crew reunited to do battle with evil “Soup Jedi.”

* In sop to cultural elite, Lucas casts Marilyn Quayle as evil princess FruFru, who meets untimely end when Scooby-Wan pushes her headfirst into Ewok latrine.

* Neve Campbell and Sarah Michelle Gellar bring added frisson as co-rulers of Sapphoo, planet of lesbian android nubiles.

* John Williams score replaced by Burt Bacharach soundtrack.

Menace II Society