ABE HIRSCHFELD Pete Hamill is still trying to wipe off that kiss.
SOL WACHTLER Blackmail, extortion, kidnapping? Must be some other judge.
LEONA HELMSLEY Aw, she doesn’t look that mean to me.
JOCELYNE WILDENSTEIN Attack of the Cat Woman.
THE SOUP NAZI Much worse than the TV version.
AL GOLDSTEIN Is he really Captain Lou Albano?
VINCENT “CHIN” GIGANTE Nice bathrobe, Vinnie.
GEORGE STEINBRENNER Said he’d be a “hands-off” owner.
JOAN RIVERS Actually, I do mind if we talk.
JOHN ROCKER spake: “Imagine having to take the 7 train to the ballpark, looking like you’re [riding through] Beirut next to some kid with purple hair next to some queer with aids … next to some 20-year-old mom with four kids. It’s depressing.”
JACKIE MASON Forty years after Sullivan, running out of people to give the finger to.
A. J. WEBERMAN Got caught by Sarah Dylan while stealing Bob’s garbage.
DAVID WELLS Half-drunk when that sawed-off runt coldcocked him, too.
ROBERT MAXWELL Proving that poop doesn’t float.
DR. ZIZMOR Dr. Z, the subway acne king, does the Zorro thing on your zits.