This Week in NYC

The most honest cabbie: A taxi driver returns a $4 million cello to a passenger who left it behind. Apparently, the cabbie kicked it out when the cello asked for change for a fifty.

NYC joins national slump: With rising unemployment and layoffs, the city finally succumbs to the U.S. economic slowdown. Does this mean Williamsburg renters will be allowed back into Manhattan?

Bleecker blooper: The city installs eight street signs labeled bleeker. We thought the correct spelling was tourist trap.

Mini Clinton: Bubba reportedly sheds twenty pounds, forcing him to purchase new dress shirts. And McDonald’s profits plunge.

Columbia & Trump: Plans for the Donald Trump School of Business are quashed when the Ivy League fails to join him in a real-estate plan. Instead of an M.B.A., the school was going to award a B.S.

That’s our Bush: The prez announces a Big Apple visit on June 19. Which gives us about a month to childproof the city.

This Week in NYC