A Rocky Marriage
Hillary Clinton has urged parents to eschew violent video games “no matter how much your child begs.” But PlayStation2 junkies can unlock a secret Hillary and Bill in the new Ready 2 Rumble Boxing: Round 2 game and pit them against Afro Thunder, (Big) Willy Johnson, or each other. Bill’s pudgy; Hill has a mean uppercut. When she hits Bill, he whines, “I feel your pain”; when his punch glances off Hill, she taunts, “Close – but no cigar” and “Who’s got the power now?” Wanna play, Rick?

The Fur Flies
The November Allure told of a mouse sighting at SoHo’s Bliss spa, setting the salon spinning. From a letter sent to clients: “Apparently, last winter, while a construction-site next door stirred up a little extrafurricular activity, a very stressed-out mouse called Bliss Central Booking several times, to try to make an appointment for a Ginger Rub. When he showed up unannounced, we let him know that we can, under no circumstances, accommodate walk-in customers.”

The Stars Report
Linda Ashland, the “Park Avenue Astrologer,” offers the following Election Day reading: “We’re under Mercury retrograde,” indicating miscommunication, “and a Pisces moon on the 7th – people feel spiritual, passive, sentimental, and discouraged.” And the candidates? “Gore is going to have Saturn right on his Venus! That’s no fun – that can mean disappointment, while Bush and Cheney have some very soft Venus aspects.” Altogether, “these are very strange aspects for an election; it’s not going to be clear-cut for anything. That’s why everyone should get out and vote.”

Earthlings, Keep Out
A tiny planet orbiting between Neptune and Pluto, just found by astronomers, is called 2000 EB173. It deserves better – but who to come up with a dignified moniker? Calls to noted extraterrestrials yielded the following voice mail: “This is Leonard Nimoy. The planet already has a name – it’s called Vulcan. Please don’t tell people how to get there. We Vulcans need a lot of space. Thank you.”

Who Let the Lawyers Out?
There’s a dogfight brewing over the Baha Men hit “Who Let the Dogs Out?” Ossie Gurley, the Toronto arranger who recorded the song several years ago on Brooklyn’s JW Records, says the barking dogs on the new single were his idea, and filed a complaint last week in Canada demanding royalties. Anslem Douglas, who wrote the song and barked on tour for years, says he’s behind the yips; JW president Julian Williams says he paid Gurley a flat fee, adding that the barker was an Englishman present at the studio.

Who Let the Lawyers Out? Part II
In the past two weeks, Major League Baseball served nearly 500 complaints alleging unauthorized use of the term Subway Series. Though the term originated in newspapers in 1936, “it doesn’t matter who thought of the phrase – we own the trademark,” explains Ethan Orlinsky, chief legal counsel for MLB, which registered it in 1996. Tell it to Creativi-Tee Plus, a company that printed Subway Series T-shirts and landed in a huge legal battle. “When a multi-billion-dollar behemoth is standing on your shoulders, it’s certainly worrisome,” notes design creator Mark Bershad. “They own the world.”