Go Not So Directly to Jail

Last week, accused British murderer Richard Markham was nabbed by police in Central Park after embarking on a veritable tourism spree. “New York is great, man!” he yelled to reporters. “I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art.” We asked New Yorkers: If you knew you were heading for the slammer, how would you spend your last day in the city?

Sydney Biddle Barrows
Mayflower Madam
“I’d eat! Hamburgers at db Bistro Moderne, foie gras at D’Artagnan, Mister Softee all the time. I know prison food is god-awful.”

Dick Gregory
“In the early days, when Dr. King would call, I’d get me my psychological last supper – a bologna-and-cheese sandwich with mayonnaise. Now that I’m vegetarian and know how to fast, I’d drink me lemonade and maple syrup and just walk through Manhattan. Ain’t nothing like it on the planet.”

Ed Koch
former mayor
“Buy a nice suit from Brooks Brothers, so when I surrendered to the authorities I’d look as though I stepped out from one of their windows.”

Denis Leary
“Get drunk and have sex with a model – I could do that all day. It’s like shampoo. Rinse and repeat.”

Andrew Solomon
“I knew him. He was refinishing furniture for old people’s houses with a friend of mine. It was prinky and decorative stuff, not the work of a macho murderer. I’d go to New York, too, and find my friends.”

Flavor Flav
Public Enemy No. 1
“See if I can stick my hand in Bloomberg’s pocket and put the children’s-school money back.”

Lucianne Goldberg
radio-talk-show host
“At a spa, mainly because first impressions count, and somebody in prison is gonna have to find me attractive.”

Go Not So Directly to Jail