Martha’s Little Would-Be Helpers

Ana Alarcon
45, unemployed
Favorite Martha product: Her gardening kit. “It’s $79, and all the pieces are high-quality. She guarantees them.”
What would you bring to Martha’s company: I love Martha. I bought her stock when it was going straight down, and now it’s worth four times that. I think the future is in the Hispanic market. I would suggest more Latin recipes, maybe some shows in Spanish.
Have you ever been fired:No. I usually leave.

Larry Reilly
37, owner of Pet Taxi
Favorite Martha product: Her kitchen utensils (“particularly the cookie sheets”).
What would you bring to Martha’s company: I have a great imagination. Donald Trump’s show—anyone can sell a building. But to turn a muffin into a billion-dollar business takes brains. I’d love to do a Martha Stewart pet line.
Have you ever been fired:Yes, right after college I was fired by a very mean, nasty woman boss.

Jennifer Hyland
26, temp
Favorite Martha product: Her towels.
What would you bring to Martha’s company: Me, I’m an amazing person. Me. And I’m constantly complimented on my ability to decorate and prepare meals, even make salad dressing.
Have you ever been fired:Like, every single job I’ve ever had. I got fired from Starbucks in Manhasset. You can use the name because I don’t like them.

Photo: Jacob Bernstein

Jeff Brenner
37, club promoter, Kurfew Entertainment
Favorite Martha product: She had a really great scallops recipe for breakfast.
What would you bring to Martha’s company: She needs someone with a marketing background.
Have you ever been fired from a job: Yes. I came out. Forty-eight hours later they fired me … I sense intuitively that [my being gay] wouldn’t make a difference to Martha one way or another.

Martha’s Little Would-Be Helpers