Director Kevin Smith is filming Rosario Dawson in the sequel to his Jersey slacker opus Clerks, but he still found time to wreak revenge on his enemies online. Smith was provoked by a thread on the Ain’t It Cool News Website that began with The Passion of the Clerks talk, but turned to topics ranging from the size of Smith’s wife’s ears to accusations of public farting. He responded on his own site with a 4,117-word line-by-line retort to all 60 posts. By October 2, his rant was up on AICN, launching a second debate—which he again joined, posting another 29 comments (“Talk smack about my wife, I promise, I’ll hit you over the head with a fucking chair”; “I’ll cop to the farting-into-the-mic thing”). AICN proprietor Harry Knowles was thrilled: “Kevin’s definitely the guy with the biggest following who’s done that.” Why respond to “GoatZinger” and “Heywood Jablowme”? Says Smith, “If you’re gonna make fun of me, I’m gonna make fun of you, but with proper spelling and sentence structure.” Next: Weinstein Anti-Homework