June 11, 2001

A Killer Sopranos Confession at Sex and the City
While getting it on was the theme of HBO’s Sex and the City premiere party last week, The SopranosRobert Iler (pictured) had only homicide in mind. “I don’t care what the writers make me do as long as I get to kill someone before I go,” said Iler, who plays Tony Soprano Jr. “I don’t care if it’s my own father,” he added ominously. “I just want to whack someone.” On the subject of sex, the 16-year-old actor told us that fame hasn’t made a difference. “I was dating hot girls before the show,” he boasted. “It’s this Irish baby face.” Alan Cumming, meanwhile, easily identified with Kim Cattrall’s Sex and the City character, who fantasizes about mattressing a Franciscan priest in the first episode. “A priest?” he remarked. “Of course! A priest and a nun is what I want – at the same time!” Cumming wasn’t the only pretty face whose dream date would involve a two-to-one male-female ratio. “I’m from the South,” Kristin Davis told us. “So my fantasy was always a southern-belle kind of thing. Like Scarlett O’Hara being bedded by the Wright brothers.” Uh, Kristin, shouldn’t you leave that to Kim?

When Martha’s Gotta Go, She’s Gotta Go
If there is a line, a diva will cross it. Martha Stewart was a fine example of this recently when, according to a witness, she stepped out of a half-block-long queue outside the Paris Theater before a Sunday showing of The Golden Bowl and demanded entrance. “I need to come inside right now,” the housekeeping guru told an usher, according to our spy. “It’s too windy.” We’re told the peon respectfully denied Stewart’s request, only to be further browbeaten with “I can’t stand outside anymore. I just can’t do it.” Again the blonde fixer-upper was told she needed to wait outside with her fellow moviegoers, at which point, says the source, “she was staring at him like she was waiting for him to recognize her.” Finally, a relenting Stewart snipped, “Fine. Fine,” before returning to the throng. When Stewart was allowed entrance along with the rest of the audience, she told her door-guarding nemesis, “Oh, now I can come in, I suppose.” A rep for Stewart says the corporate bigwig was simply asking to use the rest room and that she had no intention of skipping the line. Oh, the suffering.

So That’s Where AOL Membership Fees Go
What do you give kids who have everything? Even more, of course. It wasn’t enough that the seniors at the tony Trinity school had a pre-prom party at the National Museum of the American Indian and the prom itself at Manhattan Penthouse. AOL honcho Bob Pittman invited the whole gang over to his Bedford estate afterward and let the youngsters party like they were the class of 1999. No, Pittman doesn’t have a thing for high-school kids – his son, Bo, 18, was among the revelers. Around three in the morning, the lucky preps showed up at Pittman’s Westchester Valhalla, where lavish tents had been erected. After changing out of constraining tuxes and gowns in Pittman’s guest house, the lucky kids hit one tent for dancing and another one filled with cushions and futons where the little rascals could rest their weary, rich heads. And just in case any of the Trinity kids should not recall their enchanted night – which ended at about 5 a.m., when the gang was taken home by bus – Pittman provided all with disposable cameras. The pictures are surely heading to a Website near you.

A Lopez Hoax Goes Global
You’d think Jennifer Lopez’s publicist would have enough work on his hands in real life. But we hear her rep, Alan Nierob, was recently besieged by calls after a fake e-mail exchange between one of “Lopez’s publicists” and a “Warner Bros. honcho” circulated the globe. “J. Lo is not just an actress. She is not just a singer. She is not just a celebrity. She is a movement,” writes the imaginary Lopez minion to the WB imposter in the e-mail. “She feels extra-determined that ‘Jennifer Lopez’ isn’t where her movement is at these days. She is ‘J. Lo,’ ” the rant continues, insisting that the actress’s name be changed to the abbreviated form on all promotional materials for her new film Angel Eyes. As it turns out, the e-mail hoax – a spoof originating from the site ifilm.com – was convincing enough that gossipmongers around the world felt compelled to send it to their friends … and so on and so on and so on. “There’s a very clear disclaimer on the Website that states this is a parody,” says an ifilm spokeswoman. “It’s only meant to be fun, and we’re glad people are enjoying it.” Except maybe Nierob. “People believed it, and we received quite a few calls,” Nierob’s weary assistant confirms. Hey, given J. Lo’s track record, we’d believe it.

Clinton Learns the Meaning of Foreplay
Even those whom Bubba admires can’t pass up an opportunity to give the former commander-in-chief a kick in the tail. After hearing that CBS News commentator Bill Geist had written a book about becoming a golfer
at middle age, Bill Clinton got word to the author
that he’d like to check out his work. Happy to oblige, Geist personally inscribed a copy of FORE!PLAY: The Last American Male Takes Up Golf with the message “Remember, it’s FORE!PLAY. Not foreplay. I think we understand each other.” Geist also advised His Slickness to “avoid getting ‘caught up’ in actual numbers.” Then the writer went on to warn him to stay out of Ohio, where the state made cheating a violation of civil codes in 1974. “No independent prosecutors allowed,” Geist notes. Can we go home now?

Maybe Babs Trashed the Place?
Barbra Streisand has been doing her spring cleaning with a vengeance. First the songstress hired a new financial manager, and now she’s dropped the broker who’s endured the on-again, off-again sale of her Upper West Side apartment in the Ardsley. For years, Douglas Elliman’s Dolly Lenz has been trying to unload the park-viewless pad, bringing in stars like Mariah Carey and Derek Jeter (separately, of course) for viewings – she even secured a $7.5 million offer from Carey that a persnickety co-op board rejected. So why would Babs break from a woman who’s generated such well-heeled traffic? Apparently, the final straw came when Ian Schrager recently backed out on his $5 million bid for the four-bedroom home (which we hear Streisand only grudgingly accepted). It seems Streisand took her frustration out on Lenz – who was unavailable for comment – and indignantly switched allegiances to another broker. “I can’t believe she took the property away from a home-run hitter like Dolly,” proclaims one colleague close to the deal. Neither Streisand nor Schrager was available for comment.

Wanted: A Man With Money
Will someone please write John Bartlett a check before it’s too late? We hear the designer – who’s been without financing since he broke with Byblos over a year ago – will be D.J.’ing at Perry Ellis’s party for the CFDA Perry Ellis Award Nominees this week. Bartlett seems to have started his new career at Joe’s Pub last year, and we have to hope this isn’t the beginning of the end – after all, remember what happened to poor Isaac Mizrahi when Chanel pulled the swatches from underneath him in 1998? “I wouldn’t say that’s a good comparison,” says a Bartlett staff member. “We are still hopeful about getting a backer. And if you know of anyone …” Quick, before he starts with the ABBA remixes!

Mick Jagger’s Vagina Connection
What is it about sleeping with Mick Jagger that makes a woman want to star in The Vagina Monologues? Not only is model and former Jagger bride Jerry Hall (pictured) about to explore her femininity in a production of the play in Austin (and soon in London and New York), but now we hear the original missus, Bianca Jagger, is desperate to give the part a shot. “Yes, Jerry is opening this week,” confirmed producer David Stone when we contacted him, “and we’ve also received some interest from Bianca.” Stone had no comment when asked if any competition between the ex-wives was involved, nor did he speculate on whether Mick’s recent conquest Sophie Dahl had sparked any such Vagina-related rivalry. Dahl, after all, had her own one-night run in the role in 1999. Is it all just coincidence, then? After a pause, Stone offered: “It’s not like we’re trying to get everyone who’s ever slept with Mick.” Of course not – then you’d have a cast of thousands.

Celebrity Stealing Solved
Knowing that celebrities have a fetishistic obsession with receiving trinkets gratis, the folks at Piaget Polo came up with a good defense. When art collector Yvonne Force Villareal decided to throw a party at Amy Sacco’s hyper-exclusive new lounge, Bungalow 8, the jeweler made a deal to furnish about 50 guests with more than $1 million worth of precious accessories, with one provision: As the crowd – which included such names as Chloë Sevigny, Moby, Larry Gagosian, and Ahn Duong – arrived, a dozen security guards were on hand to have the partyers sign releases guaranteeing that they had come wearing no jewelry and would leave the premises that way. Before entering the club, where they were adorned with the glitzy baubles and photographed by Jessica Craig-Martin, each new arrival had to fork over his or her address and Social Security number – just in case. For those who had neglected to dress for the occasion, a celebration for artists Lucas Michael and Jeremy Blake, a vanful of boas and gowns were provided. And the world was made safe once again.

Additional reporting by Aric Chen.

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June 11, 2001