June 25, 2001

A Giant Gay Football Wedding
It appears the recent nuptials of cute former Law & Order star Angie Harmon and cute Giants defensive back Jason Sehorn were infiltrated by the other team – and we’re not talking sports. Many spectators at the Dallas ceremony, we hear, were squinting their eyes and scratching their heads as the procession began and three of the bridesmaids turned out to be … lads! This, of course, led to one heck of a man-on-man spectacle. As amused guests Bridget Hall, Jim Fassel, Jesse Martin, Jaime Rishar, S. Epatha Merkerson, and numerous teammates looked on, the three, er, bridesmen escorted the tuxedoed groomsmen – which included several former Giants – down the aisle wearing smart black suits. But it was at the reception that the sacred rite really became a virtual love fest of alternative lifestyles. One bridesman got down with his boyfriend as the pair dirty-danced with Harmon to “Holiday” in a scene straight out of Truth or Dare, while other members of the wedding party – including married men – joined in on the dance floor during, appropriately enough, Diana Ross’s “I’m Coming Out.” However, Sehorn himself seems to have kept his distance. “He was laughing, but he wasn’t getting down like the rest of them,”
reports one attendee.

It’s War When the Vaseline Comes Out
We know the real-estate market has been competitive on the East End, but we had no idea it was getting to the point of sophomoric desperation. A source tells us a broker from one Hamptons agency recently tried to snag the sale of Spalding Gray’s Sag Harbor home out from under Sotheby’s Tara Newman. Upon learning about the attempted steal, Newman confronted the trespassing competitor and demanded she get off her turf. “We had a mini real-estate catfight,” she confesses. “I told her to stay away from my listings and she wound up hanging up on me.” Coincidentally or not, for each of the next several days, the for sale sign Newman had planted in Gray’s yard was uprooted and randomly moved to various other lawns in the area. “I had to drive around every day to find it and put it back,” sighs Newman, who may have gotten the last laugh when she eventually coated the placard in Vaseline. We would have opted for Krazy Glue.

The Meanest Man in Comedy
Once again, comic Jeffrey Ross has proved himself the undisputed meanest man in comedy. As Ross took the stage at Town Hall last week to roast fellow Friar’s Club member Richard Belzer as part of the Toyota Comedy Festival, he announced, “Welcome to ‘Catch a Falling Star.’ ” Taking one look at veteran funnyman Freddie Roman seated on the dais, Ross noted, “Tim McVeigh has a brighter future than you.” Ross then turned his attention to master of ceremonies Paul Shaffer, congratulating the Late Show band leader for landing a role in a film about the Abner Louima scandal – as the plunger. The assault on Shaffer continued as Ross declared him “a penis with feet.” Belzer finally got his share of the love when Ross told him, “Ray Charles called: He says enough with the shades already.”

Jane Editor’s Mysterious Illness
A pop star’s ritzy home recording studio has sent a popular New York editor to the hospital. Jane magazine editor-in-chief Jane Pratt fell violently ill after construction workers removed sound insulation from the apartment of her former upstairs neighbor, Paula Cole, a source tells us. Pratt’s skin began breaking out in rashes in March, around the same time that a crew started taking out the fiber insulation, the source relates. Soon, Pratt’s hair was beginning to fall out, and she fell victim to bouts of vomiting. Finally, says our spy, “she noticed these shiny-looking fiber things coming out of her air vents,” and members of the construction crew confirmed that it was the insulation from Cole’s studio. Pratt has undergone treatment at Mount Sinai’s environmental-toxin clinic, we’re told, and is back in good health. Unfortunately, she’s had to get rid of all her infected clothing, books, and furniture and has been living out of swanky hotels for the past three months. The source tells us that Pratt’s got a lawyer on the case and has been contacted by several of her fellow tenants, who “want to compare notes.” A healthy-sounding Pratt says she’s found a new place and is “feeling much better every day.”

Is a Hot Hotelier Cashing Out?
Will Ian Schrager’s hotels soon be competing with The Plaza in extravagance? We’ve learned a Saudi tycoon is looking to buy all of the ultrahip properties owned by the hotelier and his partner NorthStar, including L.A.’s Mondrian, Miami Beach’s Delano, London’s Sanderson and St. Martin’s Lane, and our very own Paramount, Royalton, Hudson, and Morgans. “The people we’ve been dealing with are currently doing due diligence,” Schrager confirmed when we contacted him. “We all hope to bump into some Saudi prince who will buy our company.” And as if we weren’t convinced the Studio 54 vet was extremely pleased with his potential sugar daddy, he added, jokingly, “I’d sell anything for the right price – except my wife and kids, even in my current marital state.” The parties have begun negotiations, and we hear the figure is somewhere in the neighborhood of $2 billion. For that much, we bet he’s chanting insha’Allah.

Clintons’ Designing Woman Tells All
Natural law demands that everyone who’s ever had contact with Bill and Hillary Clinton write a book, and at least one interior designer is happy to oblige. Kaki Hockersmith, who’s been dressing up the Clintons’ various homes since their Arkansas days, is peddling a tell-all about her experiences with Bubba, Hil, and Chelsea in Little Rock and Chappaqua and everywhere in between. According to a source close to the project, such publishing heavyweights as Warner Books and Judith Regan are already hot to secure the rights to Hockersmith’s first-person account of the Clintons during their many triumphs and humiliations of the past decade (and that’s just the part about their taste in furniture).

Vogue Photo Shoot Gathers No Moss
Fashionistas, we warn you one last time: Kate Moss is a bad, bad girl. According to several sources, the fine folks at Vogue recently spent a bundle setting up a cover shoot for the weightless mannequin with photog Mario Testino that was never meant to be. The shoot was to take place early in the morning, sources say, but as the designated start time came and went, Testino and a team of stylists finally had to accept that the reportedly clean-living Moss was not going to appear. Her explanation? None, say our spies. Vogue, however, isn’t taking Moss’s flake-out lying down. Our modeling-world sources report that the mag – whose rep declined to comment – is charging Moss’s agency, Women, for the labor, the studio time, and the army of stylists and assistants who had their mornings wasted. And, according to one industry insider, the figure could be as high as $10,000. Reps for Women did not return calls for comment.

Uma Thurman Gets Really Twisted
As is often the case, we hear there’s been a lot of heavy breathing on the set of an upcoming film. This time it’s HBO’s Hysterical Blindness, which stars Uma Thurman and Juliette Lewis. Oddly enough, the moaning isn’t coming from inside the trailers. We’ve been told that a number of actors and crew members working on location in New Jersey have been participating in a Thurman-sponsored game of Twister each morning. “Uma’s a yoga aficionado,” says the actress’s rep, “and the director hired a yoga instructor for sessions that anyone can participate in.” The holistic exercise is, of course, just for those opting for a little mind and body rejuvenation and isn’t mandatory. But since Uma’s also a producer on the pic, we doubt whether many folks are turning down the invite.

Dumb Enough to Be a Reporter
The gang at Black Book magazine recently invented a story so wild no one could possibly believe it – except for a serious journalist. When the mag published a hoax article last month about a coral reef being discovered in the fresh water of the Hudson River, most readers simply giggled. A reporter for the venerable Reuters news agency, however, took the bait. “I’m not sure if you got any coverage,” the scribe wrote in an e-mail to the gag’s author, “but if not I’d love to write a story.” The message went on to say that the Hudson reef was of particular interest to the journalist since she held a degree in marine biology. “I can’t believe there are coral reefs in the Hudson,” she wrote in closing. “That’s nuts!” Hey, we know how she feels – we nearly bought the one about Dave Eggers writing a great novel.

Lovers of New York nightlife will be pleased to learn that yet another chic Gotham venue is being cloned for an outpost at the Bellagio in Las Vegas. Light – the midtown after-work lounge owned by Andrew Sasson, Keith “Planet Hollywood” Barish, and his son, Chris – will join Le Cirque, Circo, and Jean-Georges Vongerichten’s Prime Steakhouse at the oh-so-posh hotel-casino in December. Expect a 9,000-square-foot space and extremely high-end bottle service. That should keep away the riffraff.

TECH JORDAN: Though it may not seem like it, Michael Jordan hasn’t signed a new endorsement contract in five years. But now a new product is coming out with the retired basketball star’s name attached: the Michael Jordan Palm. The gadget, from the makers of the Palm handheld, contains such sports-freak necessities as Jordan trivia, Jordan training tips, Jordan’s favorite games and quotes, and his digital autograph as well as directions to Jordan’s restaurants. Now all it needs is wireless access to his bank account.

Additional reporting by Aric Chen.

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June 25, 2001