Prime Time

Joel Stein, columnist, Time: “Actually, Trio once let me take over for a week. Yes, they’re desperate and insane. I created a show called Good Clean Porn, where we took out all the sex scenes and just showed the plots. I showed the Letterman show over and over again where my letter was read in ninth grade. Basically, it was me obsessing about me.”

Ralph Nader, consumer advocate: “Viewers will be put in touch with people on the ground who are solving many of our country’s major problems in one community in ways that are applicable to thousands of communities.”

Ken Tucker, critic-at-large, Entertainment Weekly: “I’d re-run, over and over, only two great things: Pee-wee’s Playhouse, unseen on-air since 1991, and The Prisoner, the 1967–68 Patrick McGoohan series about a man held captive by his government for what he knows—or doesn’t know.”

Robin Byrd, adult cable queen: “I’ve been trying to get a cooking show on my network for years. I’d be the true Naked Chef.”

Doug Benson, Off Broadway actor, The Marijuana-Logues: “I’d start up the Weed Network and program it with things you have to be high to enjoy, like H.R. Pufnstuf, Scooby-Doo, and speeches by Al Gore.”

Prime Time