How Would Isaiah Thomas Spend $385,277?

Photo: Evan Kafka

The first place I’d go is Popcorn Indiana for a large bag of chocolate-covered popcorn ($6). I love popcorn. When I was a kid I used to steal bags of it from the garbage behind Chicago Stadium, where the Bulls played.

I used to live at 85th and Broadway. I love the grapes from the Broadway Farm market on the corner ($2.49 a pound) with Brie ($7.99 a pound) and Ritz crackers ($4.99). You know where I’d go? The restaurant Good Enough to Eat for the corn bread with real corn ($4.95). I put honey on top of it. I’d go to Sarabeth’s for an omelette ($7.95). I’m an omelette guy.

I’d get a bottle of Sauternes sweet dessert wine (Château d’Yquem 1923, $2,013.75). I have a real sweet tooth. I’d get Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ($2.69) and Häagen-Dazs honey vanilla ($3.19), which is sinful. When it comes to ice cream, I’m a pint guy.

I don’t wear any jewelry. I don’t even wear a watch. With sunglasses, I’m old-fashioned. I’d do Ray-Bans ($250), and there’s a pair of Prada shades ($230). I’d get a Gucci pimp hat ($480). And I saw this super-nice Burberry-looking plaid hat at a street vendor ($5).

I want all of Prince’s, Stevie Wonder’s, Michael Jackson’s, and Elton John’s CDs ($1,697). My son’s a D.J., so he keeps me current. I’m into hip-hop and old Motown. I’m killin’ Earth, Wind & Fire and Lil Scrappy right now. I want tickets to see Jay-Z and R. Kelly ($179).

I’d get my mom front-row seats for B.B. King ($65) and rent a Marquis jet to fly her from Chicago ($200,000). I’d send my wife to the Four Seasons in Maui for a week for all the puff and polish ($6,965). She can go by herself because she’s probably sick of me.

I make my son hustle, but he’s got it good enough. Now, my daughter—I’d treat her like the queen that she is. I’d get her a beauty day at Bergdorf Goodman ($393). Have her hair done by Q, who cuts my hair ($350). He does Naomi Campbell’s hair, so I figure he’s good enough for my daughter.

I was playing golf with Allan Houston at Vin Baker’s in West Hartford. They were calling my clubs “throwback clubs”! I’d get whatever Tiger uses (Nike club set, $2,609).

The new Bentley GT ($170,000) in black or silver. I’ve never driven a Bentley—I promised myself I wouldn’t get one until I was 50. You don’t want to have everything at once. You want to save some. I’m 42, so I’ve got eight years.

Lastly, I’d be Shaq for a day, so I could dunk on people. How much does that cost?

Reality Check
What I Really Spent Today

Yogurt smoothie my wife made at home (box of strawberries, $5.99 at Broadway Farm).

Lunch of two chocolate-chip cookies and a banana at the Knicks practice center in Tarrytown (free).

Large box of popcorn ($4) and large Diet Coke ($3.50) at the Liberty game at Madison Square Garden.

Cheeseburger ($5.50), fries ($1.50), and a Coke ($1.50) at the Burger Joint at Le Parker Meridien.

Total $21.99

How Would Isaiah Thomas Spend $385,277?