Cheat Sheet: Queer Culture A to Z

A is for Aneesa, the unbelievably hot (and hilarious) lesbian from this season’s The Real World.

B is for Mike Bloomberg, our gay-friendly mayor.

C is for the newly renamed “Chances Are … “ on Christopher Street, the gay bar with the creepiest name of all time (the ominous ellipses make for endless possibilities: ” … You’re Hideous,” ” … Crabs,” etc.).

D is for Details – not a gay magazine, but we still like to look at the pictures.

E is for Enrique Iglesias, Ricky Martin minus the sexual ambiguity (he’s dating Anna Kournikova). You can run, you can hide, but you can’t escape his mole.

F is for “Freek,” the George Michael single about sex addiction, featuring dial-up-modem squeals (can’t he afford broadband?) to connote cybersex (can’t he afford a real boyfriend?).

G is for straight Alias star Jennifer Garner, the hottest leather-clad lesbian icon since Lucy “Xena” Lawless.

H is for Homer, which is what renegesbian Anne Heche (Ellen’s ex) has named her son. D’ohh!

I is for Sir Ian McKellen – how cool is it that Gandalf the Gray (in The Lord of the Rings) was played by an openly gay actor?

J is for gay-lit “It” boy JT LeRoy – whose genius novel Sarah is beloved by Courtney Love.

K is for pop goddess Kylie Minogue, whose “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” necessitates hypnotherapy or sedation so that you can get it out of your head.

L is for George Lucas, whose Star Wars: Episode II – Attack of the Clones is also a long-winded nickname for Chelsea.

M is for Montreal, the feeder city for the erotic artistes who storm the stages (and occasionally laps) at Madonna’s favorite strip bar, the Gaiety.

N is for Chelsea’s favorite leather emporium, the Noose (see also R, below).

O is for Rosie O’Donnell. Maybe you’ve heard of her.

P is for gay penguins, namely the New York Aquarium’s Wendell and Cass, who’ve made headlines not only for their long-term monogamy but for having the neatest living quarters of all the penguins.

Q is for Queer Duck (“Like one in ten ducks, I’m gay!”), the obscenely funny Showtime cartoon.

R is for totally raunchy, which is what gay nightlife has become post-Giuliani.

S is for SBNY, the new name for the gay bar Splash – not to be confused with the other SBNY, Sperm Bank of New York, an independent (and unrelated) New York cell-and-tissue bank.

T is for straight (but gay-iconic) Calvin Klein model Travis, whose crotch reportedly has its own agent now (it’s hoping for a Fox or WB development deal).

U is for HBO’s morbidly fascinating Six Feet Under, from the (gay) Oscar-winning screenwriter Alan Ball.

V is for digital video, which has caused an xxxplosion in amateur gay porn.

W is for “Weekend Update” on Saturday Night Live, simply because we love straight geek-chic lesbian icon Tina Fey and her equally straight but just as lovely co-anchor Jimmy “Like My Hair Gel?” Fallon.

X is for XL, the $2.5 million Chelsea gay bar (Sex and the City filmed here) with the XL drink prices and the XS T-shirts on the bartenders.

Y is for straight MTV newsboy Gideon Yago (Tina Fey’s male geek-chic counterpart).

Z is for Liza with a z, who we hear just married some straight dude.

Cheat Sheet: Queer Culture A to Z