1. You have to do charity work at the USTA Tennis & Education Foundation booth.
2. It’s important that you support your very dear cousin, Rafael Nadal.
3. Avian flu.
4. You’ve been carjacked and taken hostage by the McEnroe brothers.
5. Pig flu.
6. You’ve been mistakenly arrested during a random bag check and transported to Guantánamo Bay, and this is your only phone call, but not to worry, you hope to have the whole thing cleared up by, oh, tomorrow.