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Early And Awful

  1. Wilbur Ross Jokes Syria Strike Was ‘After-Dinner Entertainment’ at Mar-a-LagoThe Commerce secretary added that it “didn’t cost the president anything,” as the crowd chuckled.
  2. GOP Senator’s Debate Tactic: Jab War Hero Over Ethnicity and Military Heritage“I forgot your parents came all the way from Thailand to serve George Washington.”
  3. Congressman Explains Charlotte Protesters Just ‘Hate White People’Meanwhile, Mike Pence thinks we should all set aside “this talk about institutional racism and institutional bias.”
  4. Governor LePage: Disease-Riddled Asylum Seekers Are Maine’s ‘Biggest Problem’Though some of their illnesses aren’t real.
  5. Paul LePage Claims Racist Remarks Were Part of a Clever StrategyShocker: He was talking about black drug dealers the whole time!
  6. LePage Blames Maine’s Heroin Woes on ‘D-Money’I was going impromptu and my brain didn’t catch up to my mouth.”
  7. CSPAN Caller Lets It Slip That Republicans ‘Hate That N*gger Obama’The problem with live political television.
  8. Maine Governor Paul LePage Explains Obama Hates White PeopleBut he’s learned his lesson about calling people Nazis.
  9. Bob Filner Hits Rock Bottom [Updated]He’s accused of making inappropriate sexual advances on a great-grandmother.
  10. Jesse Jackson Jr. Gets 30 Months in PrisonHe “smiled slightly when he received his punishment.”
  11. Missouri Officials Now Realize Obama Rodeo Clown Was in Poor TasteOffering to show “Obama run down by a bull” doesn’t shout all-American fun.
  12. Another Politician’s Teenage Son Used Twitter to Offend EveryoneCongressman Joe Heck apologized.
  13. Senator Jeff Flake’s Son Completes the Bigotry TrifectaGays, Jews, and black people. 
  14. Rumsfeld ‘Can’t Tell’ If Obama ‘Switched Sides’Nice, real nice. 
  15. Jeff Duncan: Gun Database Could Lead to GenocideSomebody has finally made the connection between gun control and Rwanda. 
  16. Bush, Clinton Chef Defends Presidential TastersLet’s not characterize this as some kind of Medieval court food taster.”
  17. First Campaign Ad by Stephen Colbert’s Sister Is Not Funny at AllBooo, be funny.
  18. Psy Rapped About Killing American Soldiers We don’t feel like doing the horse dance anymore.
  19. Marco Rubio’s Deceptively Pro-Science Answer on the Age of the EarthI’m not a scientist, man.”
  20. Dozens of Mysteriously Nonwhite People Voted in Maine Last WeekThe outgoing GOP chairman will investigate where these so-called “black people” came from.
  21. Woman Vastly Overestimates Importance of Husband’s VoteShe ran him over with her car.
  22. Joe Scarborough Buys His Way Out of Mustache BetHe’s giving lots of money to a good cause, but still.
  23. People of Ohio: Mitt Romney Thinks You’re All IdiotsHis new ad on the auto bailout is only successful if you are as uninformed and gullible as children. 
  24. Senate Candidate Tells Male Debate Moderator He’s ‘Prettier’ Than Candy CrowleyNot the way to win over women, buddy.
  25. Repubs Pulling Money Out of Ryan Soup KitchenThat seems fair.
  26. Issa to Investigate Unemployment RateIt is not as exact science as it needs to be.”
  27. Illiterate Racist Shares ThoughtsSomeone spray-painted “Muslim Lier” on a banner at Obama’s Iowa headquarters.
  28. Political Opportunism of the DayA New Jersey politician wants to ban the NFL’s hapless replacement refs from the state.
  29. Orrin Hatch Probably Going to Die Soon, Says OpponentYikes.
  30. Jon Kyl Has Just the Rape Analogy for This Cairo Embassy MessWhyyyyyyyyy?
  31. Juxtaposition of the DayWhat a difference a few hours make.
  32. Fox News Misleads on Unemployment RateOther than Fox News, where are you really seeing those statistics?” asks one proud Fox contributor.
  33. Some Voters Worried About All Those Wives Mitt Romney Probably HasMore proof that people just believe what they want to believe.
  34. Mitt Romney Bars Interviewer From Asking About the NewsNo questions about “abortion or Todd Akin.”
  35. The George W. Bush Presidential Museum Will Literally Play 9/11 on LoopThere’s also also a virtual “training simulator” to recreate his biggest mistakes.
  36. Megadeth Front Man Shares Despicable Conspiracy Theory About President ObamaA new low in baseless attacks on Obama.
  37. Large Swath of New York City Frowns Upon Atheist PoliticiansThirty percent of New York City adults say they’d be less likely to vote for an atheist politician. 
  38. The Unnecessary Lies of the Obama and Romney CampaignsAren’t there enough real facts to work with? 
  39. Man Hits Girlfriend Over Mitt Romney PhotoSad.
  40. Joe Walsh Concedes Opponent Is a HeroStill would prefer it if she would shut up about it. 
  41. Illinois Congressman Joe Walsh Tired of Hearing About Opponent’s War ServiceUgh, enough already.
  42. Bush’s Severed Head Appears in Game of ThronesNot buying it. 
  43. Marion Barry Offers Heartfelt Apology for Using an Ethnic SlurI misspoke: I should have said, Polish.”
  44. Marion Barry Makes New Racial Gaffe While Apologizing for Old Racial GaffeThis time, it was about Polish people.
  45. Some People Were Impressed by Mitt Romney’s High-School CrueltyOne percent of America, to be precise.
  46. Ted Nugent Cleared by Secret ServiceThe end.
  47. This Conversation Between Ted Nugent and Dana Loesch Will Melt Your BrainI’m about positive change.”
  48. In Context, Allen West’s Communist Remark Still Doesn’t Make Any SenseHere’s what he was talking about.
  49. Early Exits
    Now Rick Santorum Is Quitting Steak Dinners, TooHe’ll miss a previously scheduled appearance in Philly.
  50. Why Allen West Will Never Be Romney’s V.P.Or, “Why Allen West Will Never Be Anybody’s V.P.”
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