Displaying all articles tagged:


  1. excuses
    Police Officers Fired After Claiming Mice Ate 1,000 Pounds of Missing WeedAn adorable, but not scientifically sound, story.
  2. excuses
    Man Says He Couldn’t Have Assaulted Two Women Because His Penis Is Too SmallAh, the anatomy defense.
  3. excuses
    Man Says He Tripped and His Penis Fell Into TeenThat’s not how these things work.
  4. stand clear of the closing doors
    MTA’s Late Notes Pose Little Threat to the Standard Tardiness ExcuseYou can still blame it on the train.
  5. James Clapper Comes Up With Latest Excuse for Lying to CongressHe just “didn’t think” about the program that collects phone metadata from everybody. 
  6. cicada plague
    Impending Cicada Plague a Great Excuse to Work From HomeBecause who’s to say you don’t have a deadly fear of cicadas?
  7. stand clear of the closing doors
    MTA Ruins Subway-Related Tardiness ExcuseBut there won’t actually be fewer delays.
  8. stand clear of the closing doors
    New Yorkers Had a Pretty Good Excuse for Being Late TodayThe MetroCard machines stopped working.
  9. excuses
    Rubio Cancels Appearances on The Daily Show and Focal PointSuspicious.
  10. Do You or Someone You Love Have Comedian Personality Disorder?Self-diagnose away: “Comedians are all afflicted with a personality disorder that drives our pursuit of impracticality. Personality disorders […]
  11. excuses
    Michael Bay Blames Alcohol for Brief Desire to Make Smaller Movies“I was one or two martinis in.”
  12. billionaires they're just like us
    When It Comes to His Bridge Game, Warren Buffett Can Be a Little Flaky“Tell them I have a business meeting.”
  13. science
    So, Actually, The World Might Not End in 2012Cancel your New Year’s plans.
  14. excuses
    Mel Gibson Took a Break Because He Was BoredIt had nothing to do with anti-Semitism.
  15. jury duty
    President Obama Skips Out on Jury DutySounds like more of the same.
  16. excuses
    Kurt Russell’s Dubious Reason for Turning Down The ExpendablesNot interested in ensemble acting, eh?
  17. excuses
    Jeremy Piven, HypochondriacYou know what they say about excuses!