Chevy Chase Hits a Line Drive in East HamptonLearn what an eruv is! It’s the controversial talk of (possibly anti-Semitic!) Westhampton right now. Then welcome an Iraqi refugee and an Ohio maid to the East End! And peep the mad antics of Agassi, Graff, Zabar and Chase (Chevy!) in our Hamptons weekend round-up.
The Fug Girls Pick the Worst of 2007Oscar bigwigs released this year’s crop of nominees Tuesday, but after the flop that was the Golden Globes (the opening night of awards season), it’s tempting to ignore Hollywood’s annual self-congratulation spree and embrace a good old-fashioned orgy of shame. That’s right, the Razzie Awards! They beat Oscar to the punch Monday, naming their choices for 2007’s very worst. As ever, the race for the Golden Raspberry is as tight as Burt Reynolds’s face. We can’t contain ourselves! So, we won’t: Read on for our exuberant choices as to who stank up the screen the most.
Worst Supporting Actor Nominees: Orlando Bloom, Kevin James, Eddie Murphy, Rob Schneider, Jon Voight.
Not to ruin his moment, but we dispute Orlando’s inclusion: He looked smoking hot in Yet More Pirates of the Caribbean, and that’s truly the most supportive an actor can be. Chuck & Larry’s problems go way beyond poor Kevin James, and, let’s face it, there’s no way Rob Schneider was any worse in that than he is in anything else. That leaves Jon Voight in Bratz (oy) and Eddie Murphy as Mr. Wong in Norbit, another of those parts he hogs because he’s a whore for latex makeup. But it’s Voight’s Razzie to lose, if only because seeing his name next to the word “bratz” makes us want to crawl back into the womb.
Robert Zemeckis Delivers Four Jim Carreys in Your Christmas StockingA Carrey Carol: Jim Carrey will play Ebenezer Scrooge plus the three ghosts who haunt him through the dual miracles of performance capture technology and his own rubbery face in Robert Zemeckis’s A Christmas Carol for Disney. Anyone who goes to see this movie deserves what he gets.
the industry
Jim Carrey Falls Off the WagonCarrey Stays Sober: Jim Carrey will star in Sober Buddy, about a court-assigned watchdog who falls spectacularly off the wagon during a business trip to Las Vegas, for Universal. Relapse comedy! Let’s hope Carrey falls, weeping, through a glass shower door, like Meg Ryan in When a Man Loves a Woman.
Maria Bartiromo Feels Pretty, Oh So PrettyBefore Maria Bartiromo was on MSNBC and flying on private jets, she lived a life out of West Side Story. Speaking of Bartiromo, Citigroup head Charles Prince may have leaked the jet-ride scandal to the media. Former Philippines first lady Imelda Marcos uploaded some unintentionally funny government-propaganda films to YouTube. Financier Henry Kravis complained that he wasn’t invited to Stephen Schwarzman’s blowout birthday party. Brad and Angelina needed beads and masks to escape from a New Orleans restaurant.
gossipmonger
One of These Days, Sandra Day, Pow, Right in the KisserMembers of the ten-person Iraq Study Group, which included Sandra Day O’Connor and Vernon Jordan, almost came to blows over a disagreement. Both Paris Hilton and Britney Spears were no-shows at the Heatherette show. Sienna Miller’s secret to having a nice rump in Factory Girl? Spray-on makeup. Park Chinois, the haute Chinese restaurant that was to open in the Gramercy Park Hotel, is no more. Owen Wilson ate with the boldfaced names but hung out with the nobodies at the Waverly Inn. After getting dumped by boyfriend Isaac Cohen via phone, Britney Spears went out “partying like a college girl looking to get laid.” (And how, we must ask, is that different from all other nights?)
gossipmonger
Anderson, CelebutanteFox News compares Anderson Cooper to Paris Hilton, and CNN isn’t happy. (Which we imagine was the point.) Steve Madden will underwrite Fashion Week’s Designers for Darfur even though IMG backed out. Hillary Clinton is trying to infuse her campaign with some stand-up comedy. Jeremy Piven jokes that he’d like to settle down with a girlfriend if he weren’t “gayer than Liberace in 1972.” Parsons fashion chairman Tim Gunn to become chief creative officer of Liz Claiborne (but still do Project Runway). Bill Clinton will not be the next president of Harvard.