At Last, Christopher Hitchens Describes His Infamous WaxingToday’s “Rush & Molloy” reminds us, as if we could forget, that some poor lady had to wax Christopher Hitchens’s balls this year. This, we have noticed, is the most well-publicized hair removal since Britney took hold of a razor in a prison-grade beauty salon. Nay, since John Smith nearly got scalped by Powhatan in Roanoke, Virginia, in 1607. So needless to say, we wanted to get it over with already and read what Hitchens had to say about the experience, but Rushmo left us hanging. Vanity Fair posted a photo slideshow of the affair on their Website (don’t worry, it’s blessedly G-rated), and even they left out his description. But today we finally got our six-pound copy of Vanity Fair, and read it for ourselves. So here, for your enjoyment, horror, and titillation, is what Christopher Hitchens had to say about the dreaded “Crack, Back and Sack” Maneuver:
I had no idea it would be so excruciating. The combined effect was like being tortured for information that you do not possess, with intervals for a (incidentally very costly) sandpaper handjob. The thing is that, in order to rip, you have to grip. A point of leverage is required; a place that can be firmly gripped and pulled while the skin is tautened