Timothy Sykes: ‘The SEC Are Rapists’So, we don’t really know anybody at the Securities and Exchange Commission. But, statistically, we’d bet that they’re mostly not sexual criminals. They’re busy. But former hedge-fund manager and Internet hero Timothy Sykes begs to differ. “The SEC fucked me,” he told Dealbreaker.com. “The SEC are rapists. And everyone who’s been raped by them is too scared to come forward.” Wow. In addition to the grammatical conundrum that this statement raises (is it, “The SEC is a rapist”?), there’s the whole point that the SEC is basically out to protect the little people. You know, the ones who are the most rape-prone? But we’re arguing a small point here. It’s Friday, and you need someone in the financial world to ridicule who isn’t your own money manager.
Tim Sykes—Find Him Under ‘RichAssJew’ On MySpace — Says We Should Consider Ourselves Lucky He Closed His Fund, Otherwise We Never Would Have Heard About Him*, And What A Pity That Would’ve Been [DealBreaker]
Related: Has Every Wall Streeter Gone Insane? A Graphical Guide
company town
Stephen Colbert Doesn’t Make the BallotMEDIA
• Hollywood and television writers have decided to strike and will announce a walk-out deadline by noon today. Late night will be most immediately effected — guess we’ll find out just how funny Jon Stewart and David Letterman really are. [NYT]
• The South Carolina Democratic executive committee rejected self-proclaimed “favorite son” Stephen Colbert’s attempt to get on the ballot. Colbert now has to accumulate 10,000 signatures to make the ballot as an independent or pay the Republicans $35,000. Tough decision. [HuffPo]
• Don Imus signed a deal with Citadel to return to radio, broadcasting on WABC in New York and syndicated nationally on ABC Radio. The I-Man had to settle for $5 million a year, half of what he made with CBS. [WSJ]
company town
CEO Accused of Golf ManipulationFINANCE
• Hollywood Country Club is looking into allegations of score altering in a July 4 golf tournament by Bear Stearns CEO Jim Cayne. [CNBC]
• The SEC began an investigation into Whole Foods CEO John Mackey’s anonymous online postings. [DealBook/NYT]
• Morgan Stanley’s John Mack is hosting a fund-raiser for Hillary Clinton today. He supported George W. Bush in 2004. [Financial Times]
in other news
The Hamptons Butler Did ItFor once, it appears that the butler actually did do it. That would be Graham J. Lefford, onetime butler to hot-handed media entrepreneur Robert F. X. Sillerman (yes, we love the “x” too). As CFO.com is reporting, it all went down when Sillerman was buying the majority rights to market Graceland, Elvis Presley’s estate, in 2004. (He also owns American Idol.) With deal-related faxes going back and forth between Sillerman’s Hamptons estate and his Manhattan office that summer, Lefford figured he’d be a bit of a hound dog and grab a piece of the action for himself, buying 5,000 shares of Sillerman’s company a mere twelve minutes after the final fax sealed the $100 million deal.
company town
Man the Buckets! Long Term Capital Is (Sort Of) Back!FINANCE
• Some of Long Term Capital’s former executives are making another go of it with a new fund, Quantitative Alternatives. [Bloomberg via DealBook/NYT]
• Morgan Stanley will pay $8 million to settle federal fraud charges over its alleged failure to get the best prices possible for retail stock investors. [AP via NYT]
• The SEC will announce Monday whether it will appeal a court ruling that overturns the “Merrill Lynch” rule, allowing brokers to offer fee-based services to clients without being registered as financial advisers. [NYP]
company town
Sulzberger Tires of Wondering Whether Print Is DeadMEDIA
• Pinch Sulzberger: “Will we print the NYT in five years? I don’t care.” [Haaretz via E&P]
• GE CEO Jeff Immelt calls a Post story about a sale or spinoff of NBC Universal, “more or less made-up stupid drivel.” [Fortune]
• Will Ferrell and Sacha Baron Cohen “too big” to share VF’s Hollywood cover. Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Chris Rock, and Jack Black apparently not so big. [Deadline Hollywood/LA Weekly]